Bringing a child into the world is one of the most significant decisions a couple can make.
It’s not just about love or biology — it’s about shared values, emotional readiness, and long-term compatibility in one of life’s biggest responsibilities.
A baby doesn’t solve problems in a relationship; it magnifies them. That’s why it’s so important to have the right conversations before making that leap.
Asking honest, uncomfortable, and sometimes difficult questions early on can save a lot of confusion, resentment, or unmet expectations later.
These aren’t just “checklist” items — they’re about understanding who you are as individuals and who you want to be as parents. This is where emotional maturity, communication, and long-term planning come together.
Below are 100 questions to explore before deciding to have a baby together. Some are questions to ask yourself in reflection.
Others are designed for open, honest conversations with your partner. They touch on values, mental health, finances, parenting styles, and how you’ll show up for each other through one of life’s most life-altering experiences.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Having a Baby
1. Am I emotionally prepared for the responsibility of raising another human being for the next 18+ years?
2. Do I want a child because I’m truly ready — or because I feel pressure from society, family, or my age?
3. Have I fully explored how becoming a parent might change my identity, priorities, or daily life?
4. Do I have unresolved emotional wounds from childhood that could affect how I parent?
5. Am I okay with sacrificing parts of my current lifestyle, routine, or personal freedom for the sake of a child?
6. How would I feel about parenting alone if things didn’t work out with my partner?
7. Do I understand that parenthood will likely involve exhaustion, frustration, and moments of uncertainty?
8. Have I reached a place of maturity where I can give consistently, even when I’m not being appreciated in return?
9. What kind of parent do I hope to be, and why?
10. Am I financially, mentally, and physically healthy enough to support a child?
11. Would I be willing to get therapy or support if I began to struggle as a parent?
12. Do I genuinely enjoy being around children, or do I just like the idea of having one?
13. How will I cope with unexpected outcomes — like a child with special needs or postpartum mental health challenges?
14. What kind of legacy do I hope to leave through my child?
15. Am I ready to prioritize a child’s needs above my own consistently?
16. How do I typically handle stress, and would that change in a parenting scenario?
17. Am I doing this because I’m ready — or because I’m afraid I’ll regret not doing it later?
18. Do I feel like I’ve had enough personal growth and life experience before taking this step?
19. Am I willing to put in daily effort to be a present, engaged parent — not just provide financially?
20. What does “being a good parent” mean to me, and where did I get that definition?
Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Having a Baby
21. Why do you want to have a child, and how long have you felt that way?
22. How do you think having a child will change our relationship dynamic?
23. What do you believe are the most important values we should pass on to a child?
24. How will we share parenting responsibilities — especially during the first year?
25. What kind of parenting style do you most relate to, and where did that influence come from?
26. What fears or anxieties do you have about becoming a parent?
27. How do you think your childhood experiences will shape the way you raise a child?
28. What role do you expect extended family (like grandparents) to play in raising our child?
29. Are there any major sacrifices you’re not willing to make as a parent?
30. How would you respond if our child’s needs began to take priority over our romantic relationship?
31. Are you comfortable with getting outside help like therapy or parenting classes if we struggle?
32. What are your expectations around discipline, screen time, and education?
33. How would you feel if we had a child with special needs or health challenges?
34. What would co-parenting look like for you in the worst-case scenario?
35. How will we manage sleep deprivation, stress, and limited alone time?
36. What are your expectations around physical affection and intimacy after we become parents?
37. How involved do you expect to be in day-to-day parenting decisions?
38. How should we handle parenting disagreements when we’re not on the same page?
39. Are you open to parenting styles or routines different from how you were raised?
40. What kind of example do you hope to set for our child in how you treat me?
Questions About Finances and Career Before Having a Baby
41. How much do we currently spend per month, and what would we need to change to afford raising a child?
42. Have we created a savings plan or budget for maternity/paternity leave, childcare, and medical expenses?
43. Do we agree on who will work, stay home, or do part-time during the baby’s early years?
44. Are we both comfortable with how stable our jobs and income are right now?
45. How would we handle an unexpected job loss or financial emergency with a baby on the way?
46. Have we discussed health insurance coverage for prenatal care, birth, and pediatric expenses?
47. Are we on the same page about spending money on things like daycare, organic food, or private schooling?
48. Will we be saving for our child’s future—such as college or major life expenses?
49. How much debt do we currently have, and how will that impact our parenting plans?
50. Would we be willing to downsize our home, car, or lifestyle if needed?
51. Do either of us plan to switch careers or go back to school, and how would that affect parenting?
52. How much financial support or involvement would we expect or accept from extended family?
53. Are we prepared for the long-term financial responsibility of raising a child, not just the baby phase?
54. Would we be willing to delay parenthood to become more financially stable?
55. Do we agree on setting financial boundaries when it comes to buying toys, clothes, and gadgets?
56. Who will manage our household budget once a baby comes into the picture?
57. How do we plan to model healthy financial habits to our future child?
58. Are we on the same page when it comes to saving vs. spending as parents?
59. What’s our financial plan if one of us becomes unable to work for a long period of time?
60. Do we feel financially “ready,” and if not, what specific steps would help us get there?
Questions About Lifestyle and Priorities
61. Are we both okay with giving up spontaneous travel, nights out, or long weekends for a while?
62. How do you think our social life and friendships will change once we become parents?
63. Are we prepared to make our child’s needs the center of our daily routine?
64. How much structure vs. flexibility do we each want in our day-to-day lives as parents?
65. How much time do we each expect to spend with the baby versus pursuing personal goals or hobbies?
66. Will religion, culture, or traditions play a role in how we raise our child?
67. How will we support each other if one of us starts feeling overwhelmed or resentful?
68. How will we stay connected as a couple during the early months and years of parenting?
69. What sacrifices are we each willing — and not willing — to make for family life?
70. Are we both okay putting personal goals (like travel, fitness, or business) on pause for a season?
71. What kind of family traditions do we want to create from day one?
72. How much time will we each take off work when the baby arrives?
73. Do we expect to sleep train, co-sleep, or follow attachment parenting? Have we researched our options?
74. What happens if our child has interests or beliefs very different from ours?
75. How will we split nighttime duties and early mornings with a newborn?
76. Are we aligned on how much screen time, sugar, or tech we’ll allow in the house?
77. How important is it to each of us to raise our child close to extended family?
78. How do we feel about pets, clutter, noise, and chaos in a home with children?
79. Are we clear on who will handle tasks like laundry, feeding, and school pickups?
80. What will we do to make sure our home feels peaceful and loving, not just functional?
Questions About Parenting Philosophy and Discipline
81. What does a “well-behaved” child look like to each of us?
82. How were we disciplined as children, and how do we feel about repeating or rejecting that approach?
83. Do we believe in time-outs, gentle parenting, spanking, or natural consequences?
84. How will we handle situations where our child misbehaves in public or embarrasses us?
85. Are we on the same page about how much freedom or control to give a child at different ages?
86. What values do we want to be central in how we raise our children—kindness, honesty, ambition?
87. How would we handle it if one of us is stricter and the other more lenient?
88. What are our thoughts on rewarding vs. punishing behavior?
89. How will we approach conversations about gender, sexuality, race, and inclusion?
90. What are our expectations for chores, independence, and responsibility?
91. How will we address things like lying, bullying, or disrespect?
92. Would we let our child make their own mistakes, or step in quickly to correct them?
93. Are we comfortable apologizing to our child when we make mistakes?
94. What kind of emotional support do we believe children need most from their parents?
95. How important is academic success compared to emotional intelligence or creativity?
96. Do we want to raise our children with religious or spiritual practices?
97. How will we talk about failure, disappointment, and perseverance with our child?
98. What kind of limits will we set on social media, devices, and internet usage?
99. Are we open to adjusting our parenting philosophy as our child grows and the world changes?
100. What kind of human do we hope our child becomes, and how will we nurture that journey?
