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Being kind is a wonderful quality, but sometimes people might take advantage of your good nature. 

It’s not always easy to tell when someone is using your kindness for their own benefit, especially if that person is a friend, your partner, or someone close. 

The idea is to figure out who truly values your friendship and who might just be sticking around for what they can get out of it.

In this article, we’re going to look at 12 signs that someone might be taking advantage of your kindness. 

From always forgetting their wallet to never compromising on anything, these signs will help you see more clearly how your kindness might be getting misused. 

It’s important to recognize these signs because you deserve guys who treat you well and respect your generosity.

Remember, knowing these signs isn’t about thinking the worst of everyone around you. 

It’s about being smart and protecting your kindness from those who might not value it as they should. 

Keep reading to learn more about these signs so you can keep your relationships healthy and balanced.

1. He Rarely Returns Favors

You might notice that he doesn’t often return the favors you do for him. 

For example, whenever he needs help moving or wants a ride somewhere, you’re there. 

But when the roles are reversed, he’s suddenly busy or just doesn’t offer to help. This pattern suggests he might be taking advantage of your generosity rather than participating in a balanced relationship.

Moreover, if every conversation revolves around his needs without considering yours, that’s another red flag. 

True friendships thrive on give and take; if you’re always giving and he’s always taking, that balance is off. 

Pay attention to whether he shows interest in your life or if his concerns are always front and center.

[Read: 9 Signs He’s Not Worth The Effort You’re Giving Him]

2. He Compliments You Only When He Needs Something

Ever notice how some people lay on the compliments thick right when they need a favor? 

That can be a sign someone is using your kindness. You might hear a lot of praise from him—how great you are, how much he values your relationship—but only when he’s about to ask for something. 

This can leave you feeling valued only for what you can offer, not for who you are.

Conversely, on regular days when nothing is needed, those compliments might dry up. A genuine friend values you all the time, not just when they want something. 

Watch for these patterns; they can show you a lot about his true intentions.

3. He’s Only Around in Good Times

Some guys are like shadows, visible when everything is sunny but nowhere to be found when things get tough. 

If he’s always around for the fun outings or parties but disappears whenever you need emotional support, that’s a concern. 

It shows he may be there for a good time, not for a long time, and certainly not for the tough times.

This can become even more apparent when you’re going through a rough patch. 

A guy who is taking advantage of your kindness will often avoid situations where they can’t gain anything. 

Real friends stick around through both good and bad times, proving their worth and loyalty.

4. He Ignores Your Boundaries

Respecting each other’s boundaries is key in any healthy relationship. If he often pushes your limits or ignores your no’s, it’s a sign of disrespect. 

Whether it’s borrowing things without asking or assuming you’ll always agree to his plans, it’s important to recognize these breaches of your boundaries.

People who take advantage of others often do not consider the comfort or consent of those they are using. 

It’s crucial to assert your boundaries clearly. Notice how he reacts when you set limits. 

Does he back off, or does he try to push even further? This reaction can tell you a lot about his respect for you.

[Also read: How To Stop Attracting The Wrong Guys]

5. He Never Seems to Have His Wallet

Ever get to the checkout line or the end of a meal and he suddenly can’t find his wallet? 

Yeah, that can be a big sign he’s riding on your kindness. Maybe he promises to pay you back later, but somehow, later never comes. 

Keep an eye on how often he forgets his wallet when it’s convenient for him.

Honestly, everyone forgets their wallet once in a while, but if your buddy does this almost every time, he might just be taking advantage of your willingness to cover the bill. 

Next time you’re heading out, maybe ask about splitting the bill in advance and see how he reacts.

6. He’s Quick to Dismiss Your Problems

So, you’ve had a rough day and need to talk it out, but he quickly changes the subject to something about himself. 

This shift can be subtle but telling. You might start noticing that your problems don’t seem to matter much to him, especially if there’s no direct benefit to him sticking around and listening.

A good partner or friend listens and cares, even if there’s nothing in it for them. 

Keep track of how conversations go; is he only interested in talking about his own issues? 

That’s a pretty clear sign of where his priorities lie.

7. He Makes Plans on Your Behalf

Imagine you find out about plans involving you that you didn’t even agree to. That can be super annoying, right? 

If he’s making decisions without asking you—like telling others you’ll help with a project or attend an event—that’s not cool. It shows he doesn’t respect your time or your right to choose.

You should have a say in what you do. Friends should communicate and agree on plans, not just assume. 

If he’s not checking in with you before making decisions, it’s worth bringing up that you’d like to be part of the planning process.

8. He’s Always on His Phone During Your Time Together

Check this out: you’re hanging out, but he’s glued to his phone, scrolling through social media, or texting other people. 

Doesn’t really make you feel valued, does it? Sure, checking messages occasionally is normal, but constantly being on the phone when you’re supposed to be spending time together? 

That’s not a sign of respect.

Next time you hang out, see how engaged he is. A guy who values you will want to spend quality time with you, not just use you as a backdrop while they entertain themselves with their phone.

9. He Rarely Says “Thank You”

Keep track of how often he expresses gratitude. 

Does he say thanks when you go out of your way for him, or is he kind of taking everything you do as expected? 

Not hearing “thank you” can feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things you do.

Everyone likes to feel appreciated. A thank you is a simple way to show that. 

If those two words are missing from your interactions, it might be time to question how much he values your kindness and effort.

10. He Acts Nicer When He Needs Something From You

Notice how he turns on the charm just when he needs a favor? 

Like, suddenly he’s all sweet and chatty, asking about your day, but only when he wants something. 

This switch can be a big clue. Your man should be nice because he likes hanging out with you, not just because he needs help with something.

Once he gets what he wants, if you see that friendly attitude vanish, that’s not a great sign. Friends should be consistently kind, not just when it benefits them.

11. He Borrows Things and Doesn’t Return Them

Think about the times he borrows your stuff—books, clothes, maybe even money. 

Does he return them? 

Or do you have to keep reminding him? Having to chase someone to get your things back can be frustrating.

Friends should respect each other’s belongings and return them in good condition and promptly. 

If you find yourself having to ask repeatedly for your stuff, it’s a sign he’s not taking your generosity seriously.

12. He’s Reluctant to Compromise

Lastly, how flexible is he in making decisions that involve both of you? 

For example, choosing where to eat or what movie to watch. 

If he’s usually insisting on his choices and seems reluctant to go with your preferences, that’s a bit selfish.

Compromise is necessary in any relationship. It can’t always be his way. Both of you should have a say, and decisions should be mutual. 

If you feel like you’re always giving in to his preferences, maybe it’s time to address that imbalance.

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Anita Oge

Meet Anita, a relationship writer with a passion for helping people navigate the complexities of love and dating. With a background in information science, she has a wealth of knowledge and insight to share. Her writing is sure to leave you feeling empowered and inspired.

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