15 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship 

Relationships are supposed to make you feel good, secure, and loved. 

But sometimes, things can go wrong, and it’s not always easy to tell when a relationship has become unhealthy or even abusive. 

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship can be the first step in getting help or deciding what to do next.

Abuse isn’t just about physical violence. It can also be emotional or psychological, which means someone might try to control or hurt you without ever laying a hand on you. 

Knowing the different ways abuse can show up can help you understand if you’re in a situation that’s not healthy.

This article talks about 15 signs that might indicate your relationship is abusive. It’s important to look at these signs carefully and think about whether they apply to your situation. 

Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship that is safe and filled with respect and love. 

If you find some of these signs are true for you, it might be time to consider getting support or making a change.

1. Your Partner Often Puts You Down

Sometimes, a partner might say hurtful things. They might tell you that you’re not good enough or smart enough. 

These comments can make you feel small and unimportant. Words like this, especially if they happen a lot, can be a sign of an abusive relationship. 

They aren’t just harmless jokes; they’re designed to knock your confidence and make you doubt your value.

When someone loves and respects you, they lift you up instead of bringing you down. If you notice your partner often criticizes you, or makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s important to take it seriously. 

Feeling constantly criticized or belittled is not normal in a healthy relationship. A supportive partner should be your cheerleader, not someone who makes you feel worse about yourself.

2. You Feel Scared to Speak Up

Being afraid to express your thoughts or feelings is another warning sign. 

In a healthy relationship, both people should feel safe to share their opinions without fear of how the other person will react. 

If you find yourself keeping quiet just to keep the peace, or because you’re scared of your partner’s reactions, that’s not a good sign.

Freedom to talk openly is key in any relationship. You should feel comfortable discussing everything from how your day went to your dreams for the future. 

If you’re walking on eggshells, feeling anxious or nervous about bringing up certain topics, it might be time to rethink the health of your relationship. 

Everyone deserves to feel heard and respected by their partner.

[Read: 15 Common Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them]

3. They Make You Doubt Your Own Memories

Sometimes, a partner might tell you that things you remember happening never did, or they might suggest you’re remembering them wrong. 

This is called gaslighting. It’s a serious form of manipulation used to make you doubt your own experiences and perceptions.

Realizing that someone is messing with your sense of reality can be very unsettling. You should trust your memories and feelings. A partner who respects you will not make you question your own mind.

4. You Often Apologize Even If You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong

Do you find yourself apologizing just to keep the peace, or because your partner makes you feel like everything’s your fault? 

Apologizing for things you haven’t done or taking the blame to avoid conflict can be signs of manipulation in a relationship.

Feeling compelled to say sorry for things that aren’t your fault isn’t fair to you. Relationships should be a balance of give and take, not one person always taking the blame.

5. Your Partner Threatens to Hurt Themselves if You Leave

A partner who threatens to hurt themselves if you talk about breaking up is using emotional blackmail. 

They’re leveraging your concern for them to trap you in the relationship. This behavior is not only manipulative but incredibly harmful.

You deserve a relationship where both people feel free to stay or go because they want to, not because they’re being emotionally blackmailed. 

If your partner uses threats of self-harm to keep you around, it’s a clear sign of an abusive relationship. 

You should talk to someone you trust about these threats and consider seeking professional help.

[Also Read: Avoid Getting Into A Relationship With These 8 Types Of Men]

6. Your Partner Keeps Track of All Your Movements

A partner who constantly checks up on you or insists on knowing where you are at all times can be exhibiting controlling behavior. 

It’s normal to care about each other’s whereabouts, but it shouldn’t feel like an interrogation. 

Over-monitoring your movements or demanding constant updates about your whereabouts is not about care; it’s about control.

Healthy relationships are built on trust, not surveillance. You should be able to go about your day without feeling like you need to report back to your partner every few hours. 

If you feel like you’re being monitored or that you owe your partner an account of every minute of your day, it might be a red flag that the relationship is heading into unhealthy territory.

7. They Isolate You from Friends and Family

Another common tactic in abusive relationships is isolation. Your partner might try to cut you off from your support network, making you feel dependent on them. 

They might criticize the people you’re close to, or even outright forbid you from seeing certain friends or family members. Over time, this can make you feel alone and dependent solely on your partner.

Being cut off from other relationships is a method used to gain control over you. In a healthy relationship, your partner should encourage your relationships with others, not restrict them. 

If you find yourself seeing less of your loved ones because of your partner’s actions or demands, consider this a serious red flag. Everyone needs a circle of support beyond just their romantic partner.

8. They Use Guilt as a Tool

Manipulation through guilt is another sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner might often make you feel guilty for not doing what they want. 

They might say things like, “You would do this if you loved me,” to get their way. This type of emotional manipulation can make you feel obligated to comply with their desires, even if you’re uncomfortable with them.

Feeling constantly guilty or being made to feel guilty for making your own choices is not normal. 

A good partner supports your decisions and understands that you have your own life and needs. 

If your partner often uses guilt to influence your actions, it’s important to recognize this behavior as manipulative and potentially abusive.

9. Your Partner Makes All the Decisions

In a relationship where one person makes all the decisions, from small choices like what to eat for dinner to big ones like where to live, that’s a red flag. 

Sharing decision-making is part of a healthy relationship. If you notice that your opinions aren’t valued or considered, that’s not okay. 

Being sidelined in decision-making can make you feel less important and ignored.

No one should feel like just a passenger in their relationship. You should have a say in the decisions that affect both of you. 

When only one person is in control, it creates an imbalance that can lead to feelings of helplessness and dissatisfaction.

10. Your Partner Frequently Loses Their Temper

A partner who often loses their temper can make a relationship feel like walking through a minefield. 

You never know what will set them off, which can lead to constant anxiety. Outbursts of anger in a relationship are not only scary but can also be a form of emotional abuse.

Remember, everyone gets mad sometimes, but how they handle their anger matters. 

Constant anger, especially if it’s directed at you, is not part of a loving relationship. You should feel safe around your partner, not constantly on edge.

11. Your Partner Takes No Responsibility for Their Mistakes

Imagine every time something goes wrong, your partner blames you or someone else—never themselves. 

That can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Accepting responsibility for one’s actions is a key part of any mature relationship. 

When your partner always shifts the blame, it can make you feel unfairly responsible for everything that goes wrong.

You might start to feel like you’re always in the wrong, even when you know deep down you aren’t. 

Healthy relationships involve both partners owning up to their mistakes, not just one person carrying the weight for both.

12. Your Partner Checks Your Phone and Social Media Without Permission

Let’s say your partner regularly snoops through your phone, reads your texts, or scrolls through your social media without asking. 

That’s a big no-no. Privacy and trust are important in any relationship. Needing to check everything you do online shows a lack of trust and respect.

Respecting each other’s privacy doesn’t mean you’re hiding something; it means you trust each other enough to maintain some personal space. 

Your phone and social media are your personal spaces, and no one should make you feel guilty for wanting to keep parts of your life to yourself.

13. You Feel Drained Instead of Energized

Relationships should add to your life, not drain it. Feeling emotionally drained after spending time with your partner, rather than happy or uplifted, can indicate something’s off. 

Constant negativity from a partner, like complaining or pessimism, can sap your energy and affect your mood.

If hanging out with your partner often leaves you feeling tired or unhappy, it might be time to look at why that is. 

Your partner should be a source of support and positive energy, not a constant drain.

14. Your Partner Uses Love as a Bargaining Tool

Suppose your partner only shows affection when they want something from you, or they withdraw love if you don’t meet their demands. 

That’s using love as a tool for manipulation, and it can make you feel like love is conditional—something you have to earn.

Love should be freely given, not used as a way to control or change someone’s behavior. 

Your partner should love you for who you are, not for what you do for them or how well you meet their expectations.

15. Your Friends and Family Have Expressed Concern

Last point, but a big one: your friends or family might have told you they’re worried about how your partner treats you or how you seem around them. 

Sometimes, others can see things more clearly from the outside. If people who care about you are concerned, it might be worth taking a closer look at your relationship.

Their worries can be a signal that something might not be right. You might not see all the signs yourself, especially if you’re in the thick of it. 

Listen to those concerns; it doesn’t hurt to hear them out. They could be seeing something important that you’ve missed.