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Dealing with insults can be tough, especially when they come out of nowhere. 

It’s important to handle these situations with a cool head, but sometimes, you might want to have a clever reply ready to go. 

This article provides 75 clever replies for when someone decides to insult you. These replies will help you respond in a smart and witty way without losing your cool.

These clever replies are designed to be quick and effective. They range from funny and light-hearted to a bit more direct, depending on how sharp the insult was. 

You can choose the right one depending on who you’re dealing with and how serious the situation is. 

Having a good reply can stop the insults in their tracks and show that you’re not someone who can be easily upset.

So, if you’re tired of being caught off guard with no response, this article is here to help. 

Read through our list of 75 clever replies, and you’ll be prepared next time someone tries to put you down. 

These replies will not only help you defend yourself but also do it with confidence and style.

[Also Read: Coworker Nitpicks Everything I Do: 8 Reasons And What To Do]

Clever Replies For When Someone Insults You

Clever Replies
  1. “Is that the best you’ve got? My morning coffee puts up a better fight.”
  2. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience on this one.”
  3. “Keep talking—I always yawn when I’m interested.”
  4. “I’d respond, but I like to let experts lie.”
  5. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. I tune out when irrelevant people start talking.”
  6. “You should put that on a t-shirt, but I doubt it would sell.”
  7. “I’ve heard smarter things from a peanut gallery.”
  8. “If your goal was to make me laugh, congratulations, that was hilarious.”
  9. “That insult was a perfect reflection of your character: poorly thought out.”
  10. “Wow, did you come up with that all by yourself or did you have to google how to insult people?”
  11. “I’d clap back, but it looks like life’s done that enough to you already.”
  12. “I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than that.”
  13. “Your insults are just like you: predictable and disappointing.”
  14. “I appreciate your input but I’m not in the market for a clown’s opinion.”
  15. “Feel better? I’d say ‘try again’ but I don’t think it’ll help.”
  16. “Every time you speak, I hear an app begging to be closed.”
  17. “I’d love to insult you back, but nature beat me to it.”
  18. “You should launch a book of insults. It would be fiction, of course.”
  19. “Oh, I’m sorry, was I supposed to be offended? The only thing offending me is your haircut.”
  20. “You must have mistaken me for someone who takes you seriously.”
  21. “Do you ever get tired of putting makeup on two faces every morning?”
  22. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
  23. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
  24. “Too bad stupidity isn’t a crime, you’d get a life sentence.”
  25. “Your insults are like movie trailers – overdone and disappointing.”
  26. “Please, save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your next date.”
  27. “Is this the part where I’m supposed to be hurt? Queue the violins!”
  28. “Wow, you should come with a spoiler alert: ‘predictable.’”
  29. “I’d engage in a battle of wits, but it’s clear you’re unarmed.”
  30. “It’s cute how you use big words to make up for big insecurities.”
  31. “Your effort at insulting me is like doing a somersault on a mattress: pointless.”
  32. “If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
  33. “I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one plastered on.”
  34. “You remind me of a software update – whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
  35. “You’re like a grey sky on a sunny day—just not preferred.”
  36. “You should really come with a warning label.”
  37. “I’d treat your words with more respect if they came out cleaner.”
  38. “I’d help you out, but it looks like you’re struggling enough with that insult.”
  39. “Look, I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can’t get my head that far up my rear.”
  40. “If your words were a phone, it’d be on silent mode permanently.”
  41. “Your insults are recyclable, right? Because you keep reusing them.”
  42. “Oh, burn! Wait, that was supposed to hurt? My mistake.”
  43. “You’re like a math problem without a solution – pointless and confusing.”
  44. “You should sell your insults as sleep aids; they’re so boring they put me to sleep.”
  45. “I’d say you’re shooting blanks, but that implies you had ammo to begin with.”
  46. “You sound like a dictionary; all words, no action.”
  47. “Your insults are like a barcode—scanned and empty.”
  48. “Hearing your insult is like finding a typo in a book. Disappointing but expected.”
  49. “Sorry, I don’t take criticism from someone I wouldn’t ask for advice.”
  50. “Keep talking, maybe someday you’ll say something intelligent.”
  51. “If I wanted a laugh, I’d follow you and just wait for you to speak.”
  52. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
  53. “I’d engage, but I left my spare time in my other pants.”
  54. “Noted. And ignored.”
  55. “You’re like a software update in the middle of a call—unnecessarily interrupting.”
  56. “If you’re waiting for me to be upset, you might want to pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.”
  57. “Wow, and I thought the circus was out of town.”
  58. “I’d explain why that doesn’t hurt me, but I don’t have any crayons with me.”
  59. “Is this a bad time to tell you that everyone just tolerates you?”
  60. “Oh, I’m still waiting for the part where I’m supposed to care.”
  61. “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of nobody caring.”
  62. “Your words are like WiFi – mostly unreliable and never connecting properly.”
  63. “I’ve seen better shade from a glass of water.”
  64. “Are we at a roast, or did you just forget to sweeten your words?”
  65. “You must be a magician, because every time you speak, everyone disappears.”
  66. “Congratulations on crafting a perfectly mediocre insult.”
  67. “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my rolling eyes.”
  68. “Keep practicing; you’ll get a good insult someday.”
  69. “That insult was a home run… straight into the boring field.”
  70. “You’re proof that even Google doesn’t have all the answers.”
  71. “I’d give you a high five, but I don’t want you to get used to rejection.”
  72. “Next time you get a thought, just let it go.”
  73. “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
  74. “You must be a keyboard warrior in training.”
  75. “If being wrong was a profession, you’d be a billionaire.”

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Anita Oge

Meet Anita, a relationship writer with a passion for helping people navigate the complexities of love and dating. With a background in information science, she has a wealth of knowledge and insight to share. Her writing is sure to leave you feeling empowered and inspired.

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