9 Toxic Ways Narcissists Abuse Their Partners

Narcissists have a way of making relationships all about themselves. 

They often use clever tactics to control and manipulate their partners, leaving them feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of themselves. 

These toxic behaviors can make it tough for someone to feel happy and secure in their relationship.

Understanding the signs of narcissistic abuse can help people recognize when they’re being treated poorly. 

So, in this article, we’ll explore nine common ways narcissists manipulate and hurt their partners.

If you’ve ever felt like something just isn’t right in your relationship, or if you’re constantly feeling drained and unhappy, you might be dealing with a narcissist. 

Knowing these tactics can empower you to make better decisions about your relationships and find ways to protect your well-being.

1. Manipulating Emotions

Narcissists often play with their partner’s feelings to control them. 

Imagine someone always messing with your emotions, making you feel happy one minute and terribly sad the next. 

Narcissists do this by giving compliments and affection when it suits them and withdrawing them abruptly, which can make their partners feel confused and desperate to win back their affection.

In these relationships, the partner may feel like they’re on a rollercoaster, never sure what to expect next. 

One day, everything seems perfect, and the next, it’s like they can do nothing right. 

The unpredictability is a tactic to keep the partner off-balance and more likely to stay and try to fix things, hoping for the good times to come back.

2. Twisting the Truth

Say you had an argument because the narcissist forgot something important. 

Later, they might twist the story to blame you for overreacting or for not reminding them. 

By changing the facts of situations, narcissists avoid taking responsibility and keep their partners unsure about what really happened.

Partners may begin to accept these twisted truths just to keep the peace. 

Questioning the narcissist’s version of events can lead to more manipulation and gaslighting, making it easier over time to just go along with whatever the narcissist says, even if it doesn’t quite add up.

3. Isolating from Others

Narcissists often try to cut their partners off from their support networks.

They might make negative comments about friends and family or create situations that make it hard for their partners to see their loved ones. 

By doing so, narcissists ensure that their partners depend solely on them, which makes it tougher for the partners to leave the relationship.

The more isolated a person becomes, the more control a narcissist has. Without friends or family to turn to, the partner might feel like the narcissist is their only support, even if it’s not a healthy one. 

This can make someone feel trapped and alone, which is exactly what the narcissist wants to maintain their control.

4. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a sneaky way narcissists mess with their partners’ heads. They’ll deny things that happened or say their partners are remembering them wrong.

For example, if a partner brings up a hurtful comment the narcissist made, the narcissist might deny ever saying it, insisting the partner is making it up or misremembering. 

This can make the partner doubt their own memory and sanity.

Over time, this constant questioning of their reality can make partners lose confidence in their judgment. 

They might start to rely more on the narcissist to define what’s real and what isn’t, which gives the narcissist a lot of power. 

It’s a cunning way to keep someone under control, doubting themselves instead of questioning the behavior of the narcissist.

5. Demanding Perfection

Narcissists often have unrealistically high standards that their partners are expected to meet. 

These expectations can be about anything from how their partner dresses to how they handle social situations or manage household chores. 

Falling short of these high standards usually leads to ridicule or punishment from the narcissist, which can be really stressful.

Living up to these impossible standards can be exhausting. Partners often find themselves constantly trying to change or improve to avoid conflict. 

This constant pressure can make someone feel like they’re always on thin ice, never knowing what might trigger criticism from their partner.

6. Holding Grudges

Even if a partner apologizes and tries to make things right, a narcissist will bring up old mistakes to use as ammunition in future arguments. 

This makes partners feel like they’re always at fault and that past missteps will forever hang over their heads.

Feeling constantly judged for past actions can be incredibly frustrating and tiring. 

It keeps partners in a state of perpetual guilt, which narcissists leverage to keep them feeling beholden and less likely to assert themselves or leave the relationship. 

This tactic ensures that the partner remains under the narcissist’s control, always trying to make up for the past instead of moving forward.

7. Playing the Victim

Even when they are clearly in the wrong, they’ll twist the story to make it seem like they’re the ones who’ve been hurt. 

This can make their partners feel guilty for something they didn’t even do. 

Over time, partners might start apologizing just to keep the peace, even when they know they haven’t done anything wrong.

Being around someone who always acts like the victim can be draining. 

Partners might stop bringing up issues or standing up for themselves because they know it will just end up with the narcissist making them feel like the bad guy. 

8. Using Criticism and Shame

Imagine someone constantly pointing out what you do wrong, but never noticing what you do right. 

That’s how narcissists operate. 

They pick at every little mistake or flaw, which can make their partners feel unworthy and inadequate.

 This tactic keeps the partner feeling like they need to strive harder to please the narcissist, often without ever receiving any praise or approval.

Criticism from a narcissist isn’t constructive; it’s often harsh and unwarranted. Partners may start to believe they can’t do anything right, which can be demoralizing. 

Over time, this can lead to them feeling grateful for any small bit of kindness or attention from the narcissist, trapping them further in the relationship.

9. Giving Silent Treatment

A common tactic narcissists use is the silent treatment. 

Instead of talking through issues, they shut down all communication, ignoring their partner as punishment. 

This can make their partner feel desperate for any form of acknowledgement and willing to do whatever it takes to get the narcissist’s attention again.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional blackmail. It leaves partners feeling isolated and anxious, unsure of what they did wrong or how long the silence will last. 

This cruel form of punishment creates a lot of stress and pushes the partner to try harder to please the narcissist to avoid being ignored in the future.