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There’s a question I started asking myself, and honestly, it changed everything.
Do I actually want what I’m chasing, or am I just doing it for the attention? It’s a tough one to answer, but being honest with yourself is where the growth happens.
Here’s how I figured it out.
Chasing Approval Over Fulfillment
I used to think I wanted a fancy car.
Not because I cared about cars, but because I thought people would respect me more if they saw me driving it.
Looking back, I didn’t actually care about the car itself—I cared about how it made me look.
That realization hit me hard. Why was I putting in so much effort for something I didn’t even want?
I started paying attention to my choices and asking myself, “Am I doing this for me, or for how it looks to others?” Once I got honest, I saw how often my goals were more about impressing people than making myself happy.
Letting go of those approval-based goals was freeing. I stopped wasting time on things that didn’t truly matter to me. It also made room for goals that actually brought me joy, not just validation.
Wanting the Image, Not the Reality

Social media made me want so many things.
Traveling to exotic places, living in a huge house, even certain careers—they all seemed so appealing.
But then I realized, I didn’t really want the actual experience. I just wanted to look like I had that life.
For example, I once convinced myself I wanted to be a fitness influencer. Not because I loved working out or helping people, but because I thought it would make me look cool.
The reality of constantly being in the gym and filming content didn’t appeal to me at all. It was just the image I was after.
That was a wake-up call. Wanting something because it looks good isn’t the same as wanting it for what it is.
I started questioning my desires more deeply, and it saved me from pursuing paths that weren’t aligned with who I really am.
Sacrificing Happiness for Appearances
There were times I sacrificed my happiness just to keep up appearances.
I’d buy clothes I couldn’t afford, agree to things I didn’t want to do, and pretend to like things that weren’t my vibe—all to fit in. It was exhausting.
Eventually, I realized I was the only one losing in this game. Nobody cared as much as I thought they did.
People move on quickly and forget what you’re wearing or where you’ve been. Meanwhile, I was stuck with stress and regret over decisions that weren’t even for me.
Deciding to prioritize my happiness over appearances wasn’t easy at first, but it’s been life-changing.
I started saying no to things that didn’t serve me, even if they looked “cool” from the outside. My peace became more important than anyone else’s opinion.
Do You Actually Enjoy It?

Sometimes we want things just because they look good on the surface.
I used to think having a certain lifestyle or hobby would make me happy. But when I finally got those things, they didn’t bring me joy. They just felt like work.
I started asking myself, “Do I even like this?” It was eye-opening. For example, I realized I didn’t actually enjoy some hobbies I picked up just to seem interesting.
Once I let go of what didn’t spark joy, I had more time and energy for the things I truly loved.
Chasing things you don’t enjoy isn’t worth it. Focus on what genuinely makes you happy. That’s where the magic happens. It’s not about looking happy; it’s about being happy.
What Happens If Nobody Sees It?
Here’s the real test: Would you still want it if nobody knew you had it?
That question hit me hard. I realized most of the things I was chasing didn’t matter unless someone else noticed.
Once I started asking myself this question, my priorities shifted. I stopped buying things for show and started investing in experiences and goals that truly mattered to me.
It wasn’t about showing off anymore; it was about living a life that felt good on the inside.
If nobody sees it, but you still want it, that’s a sign you’re chasing something meaningful. And honestly, that’s the kind of life worth living.
Let Go of External Validation

At the heart of it, the need to look successful is often tied to seeking validation.
I used to crave that so much, but it never really satisfied me. Compliments fade, likes on a post disappear, and you’re left chasing the next thing to impress people.
Learning to validate myself was a game-changer. I started celebrating my wins quietly, without needing anyone else to notice.
Whether it was reaching a personal goal or simply taking care of myself, I learned to appreciate my efforts.
Letting go of external validation doesn’t mean you stop caring altogether. It just means you stop letting other people’s opinions control your choices.
That freedom is priceless, and it’s made my life so much more peaceful.
Define Your Real Desires
The most important thing I’ve learned is to figure out what I actually want—not what looks good or sounds impressive, but what feels right for me.
That takes honesty and reflection, but it’s worth it.
For me, that meant sitting down and listing out my goals. Then I’d ask, “Why do I want this?” If the answer was tied to other people’s opinions, I scratched it off the list.
Over time, I started focusing on goals that felt meaningful, even if nobody else noticed or cared.
Defining what you want takes time, but it’s so empowering. Once I started going after what truly mattered to me, I felt more confident and fulfilled.
It wasn’t about looking successful anymore—it was about feeling like I was living my truth.
Final Thoughts
Being honest about your desires is a powerful step toward living authentically.
Ask yourself: Do you want it for yourself, or for how it makes you look?
The answer can guide you toward a life that’s truly yours—not one designed for anyone else’s approval.
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