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Dating can be exciting, but sometimes it’s easy to overlook signs that someone isn’t treating you fairly.
When you’re getting played in a relationship, the person might be charming and fun at first, but their true intentions eventually surface, leaving you confused or hurt.
These red flags can be hard to spot, especially if you’re focused on the positive aspects.
Recognizing these warning signs early can save you from wasted time and emotional pain.
Being strung along by someone who isn’t serious or trustworthy can take a toll on your self-esteem and make it difficult to find genuine connections.
It’s important to notice behaviors like inconsistency, secrecy, and manipulation so you can take control of your own happiness.
This article will outline 14 clear signs you’re being played in a relationship. By understanding these patterns, you’ll be better equipped to spot problematic behavior and prioritize your well-being.
1. Inconsistency in Communication
One sign that you might be getting played in a relationship is when the person you’re dating doesn’t keep in touch consistently.
Some days, they might send you lots of messages and seem really interested in your day.
Then, suddenly, you might not hear from them for a while. This kind of hot-and-cold behavior can be confusing and is often a tactic to keep you guessing and hooked.
The inconsistency doesn’t stop with texting or calling. You might notice they are all about plans when it suits them, but they can be flaky or vague about when you’ll see each other next if you ask.
A partner who values you and your time will strive for consistent communication and reliable behavior.
2. They Avoid Serious Talks

Another red flag is avoiding important conversations.
When you try to talk about where the relationship is going or how you feel, they might change the subject quickly or make an excuse to leave the conversation.
This avoidance can make it really hard to understand where you stand or to feel secure about the relationship.
This behavior might leave you feeling like you’re the only one trying to move things forward or make a deeper connection.
A person who is serious about you will welcome these discussions and be open about their feelings and intentions.
Avoiding these talks suggests they might not be as committed to the relationship as you are.
3. Your Relationship is Kept a Secret
Being kept a secret can be a major indicator that you’re being played.
If the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to friends or family and avoids being seen with you in public, it might be a sign they want to keep their options open.
This secrecy doesn’t just make things awkward; it can also make you feel like you’re not an important part of their life.
Furthermore, if they seem to have a whole other life on social media or with friends that you’re never part of, it’s a bad sign.
A partner who is proud and serious about their relationship with you will be happy to show you off to the world and include you in all aspects of their life.
Being kept out of the public eye usually isn’t about privacy—it can be a strategy to maintain the freedom to play the field.
4. They Rarely Compromise

Notice if the person you’re dating always wants things their way.
For instance, they pick the restaurant, choose the movie, or decide when to hang out without considering what you’d like.
This pattern might not seem like a big deal at first, but over time it shows a lack of respect for your preferences and needs.
In a balanced relationship, both people take turns making decisions and finding compromises.
If you find that you’re always the one bending to fit their plans and never the other way around, it could be a sign that they’re not taking the relationship as seriously as you are.
[Also Read: 9 Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Respect You]
5. Overly Guarded About Their Phone
Another sign you might be getting played is how secretive someone is with their phone.
They might turn their screen away when they receive a message, never leave their phone unattended, or get unusually upset if you glance at their screen.
While everyone deserves privacy, extreme secrecy can indicate they have something—or someone—they don’t want you to know about.
A little privacy is normal, but complete secrecy can create a barrier to trust.
In healthy relationships, partners trust each other enough that they don’t have to hide who they’re talking to or shield their messages.
If they react strongly to any question about who they’re texting or calling, consider it a warning sign.
6. They Dismiss Your Feelings
Pay attention if the person you’re dating dismisses your feelings or concerns.
When you express how you feel, they might say you’re being too sensitive or overreacting. This kind of dismissal can make you doubt yourself and your worth in the relationship.
Respectful partners listen and try to understand each other’s feelings, even if they don’t agree right away.
Being regularly dismissed or ridiculed for expressing your emotions is not only hurtful but could also be a tactic to undermine your self-esteem, making it easier for them to control the relationship.
7. Their Stories Don’t Add Up

Be suspicious if their stories often change or don’t add up.
One day, they might tell you they were at work late, but later they mention being out with friends.
Small lies can be a big deal because they suggest the person isn’t being honest about what they’re doing or who they’re with.
Honesty is the foundation of any strong relationship. If you start noticing inconsistencies in their stories, it’s important to address them.
Continuous dishonesty is a clear sign that they might be playing you and not committed to a transparent and truthful relationship.
[Interesting: 15 Signs He Doesn’t Deserve You Anymore]
8. They Rarely Share Personal Details
When someone you’re dating keeps things vague and doesn’t share much about their life, it could be a sign you’re being played.
They may avoid discussing their family, friends, or personal experiences. Keeping details sparse makes it easier for them to maintain distance and prevents you from getting too close.
A genuine partner will be open and excited to share aspects of their life with you. This sharing helps deepen the relationship.
If you find that you know very little about their personal life after spending significant time together, it might be because they’re intentionally keeping you at arm’s length.
9. They Flirt with Others in Front of You
Watching someone you’re dating flirt with others in front of you is not only disrespectful, but it’s also a clear signal that they may not be serious about your relationship.
This behavior can be hurtful and embarrassing, showing a lack of commitment and respect towards you.
In a committed relationship, partners aim to make each other feel valued and secure.
If your partner openly flirts with others, it undermines your relationship and shows they might not care about your feelings.
It’s a behavior that shouldn’t be ignored if you’re looking for a serious commitment.
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10. They Make You Feel Like an Option

If you often feel like you’re just one option among many for them, this is a major red flag.
They may not make firm plans with you, or they frequently cancel at the last minute, suggesting they had a better offer.
This behavior can leave you feeling unimportant and like a backup plan.
Everyone deserves to feel like a priority in their relationship.
If you consistently feel like you’re on standby until something better comes along for them, likely, they’re not fully invested in the relationship.
Recognizing this pattern is important in deciding how to move forward.
11. They Don’t Make Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
When conflicts arise, a partner who is playing you might not make any effort to resolve them.
They could ignore the issues, change the subject, or even walk away instead of working through the problem.
This avoidance prevents the relationship from growing stronger and can leave unresolved feelings.
Healthy relationships require effort from both partners to communicate and resolve conflicts.
If they aren’t interested in finding solutions and prefer to leave issues hanging, it suggests they don’t value the relationship enough to make it work long-term.
12. Sudden Changes in Attitude
Sudden and inexplicable changes in their attitude towards you can be jarring and confusing.
One day they might be warm and affectionate, and the next, distant or cold without explanation.
This unpredictability can be a tactic to keep you off balance and more easily manipulated.
Stability and consistency are key traits in a loving and supportive partner.
Frequent mood swings and changed attitudes can signal deeper issues within the relationship, indicating that they may not be as committed or sincere as you deserve.
13. They Act Differently Around Others
Notice if their behavior changes drastically around different people.
Alone, they might act loving and attentive, but in public, they might act distant or uninterested. This inconsistency makes it challenging to understand their true feelings and intentions.
A genuine partner remains consistent, whether in private or around others.
Shifting behavior can indicate they aren’t fully comfortable committing, presenting a different version of themselves depending on who’s watching.
14. They Show Interest Only in Your Appearance
Initial attraction often includes admiration for physical qualities, but a partner who focuses solely on looks can signal superficial intentions.
Compliments might exclusively revolve around your appearance, neglecting the depth of your personality, intelligence, or values.
Partners invested in a meaningful relationship are curious about your opinions, interests, and goals.
When conversations never go beyond surface-level flattery, it might reveal a lack of desire to understand the real you.
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