That tiny little mark that seems to scream, “Guess what I’ve been up to!” louder than any spoken word ever could.
You’ve probably seen one on a friend or perhaps, found one mysteriously appear on your own neck after a particularly spirited evening.
And while we know they’re just harmless bruises caused by passionate kisses, there’s an undeniable urge to cover them up or explain them away, especially if an unexpected family gathering or an important work meeting is on the horizon.
But not all of us are blessed with turtleneck sweaters or the make-up skills of a Hollywood artist.
In those moments, when someone invariably asks, “Hey, what’s that on your neck?”, wouldn’t it be fantastic to have a ready and hilariously funny excuse on hand?
Instead of blushing fifty shades of red or muttering about aggressive mosquitoes, imagine serving up a funny wild story that leaves everyone laughing.
Here are some of the funniest excuses for hickeys you’ll see on the internet.
Funny Excuses For Hickeys
1. Alien Abduction Mark
So, get this: last night, I was just minding my own business, and out of nowhere, a UFO descended. Before I knew it, an alien was giving me what I guess is their version of a friendly peck. Who knew extraterrestrial greetings could look so much like a hickey?
2. Vacuum Cleaner Test Gone Wrong
I was testing out this new vacuum cleaner attachment, and curious me thought it might feel like a gentle face massage. Turns out, I was wrong! Now I’m wearing this badge of curiosity for all to see.
3. Accidental Artistry
In a moment of sheer boredom, I dabbled in abstract body art using household objects. Used everything from spoons to rubber bands.
Unfortunately, my neck canvas proved a tad sensitive to my avant-garde methods. So now, I’m unintentionally showcasing my brief stint as an amateur artist.
4. Unpredictable Pet Fish
I was giving my pet fish, Bubbles, a kiss. But Bubbles decided to give me a “kiss” back with its surprisingly strong fishy suction mouth. Never underestimate the power of aquatic love.
5. Over-Enthusiastic Vampire Role-play
My little cousin is obsessed with vampire stories these days. We were playing pretend, and I guess I played the victim a bit too well. Dracula Jr. over here left me with this souvenir.
6. Jellyfish Impression
I was at this wild party where someone dared me to show my best jellyfish impression. Who would’ve thought that sticking a glass to your neck and pretending to be a sea creature would leave a mark?
7. New Fashion Statement
Didn’t you hear? Neck patches are all the rage now. It’s a little edgy and a fantastic conversation starter. You might just see it on the next big runway.
8. Battle Scar from a Mini Octopus
I went snorkeling, and this mini octopus thought my neck was a good spot to hang out. Tiny, but boy, do they have a grip! It’s like a little badge of honor for my oceanic adventure.
9. Overzealous Mosquito
There was this mosquito that must’ve been starving. Instead of the usual fly-by, it decided to have a full-course meal on my neck. Think it might have been a mutated one; you know, the ones from those sci-fi movies?
10. Failed Magic Trick
I got this magic kit and thought I’d be the next Houdini. One trick involved making a coin disappear. The coin did vanish, but not before leaving this impressive mark behind. Ta-da!
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More Hilarious Excuses For Hickeys
11. Ninja Training Scar
So here’s a little secret: I’ve been taking night classes in ninja training. Last class, we practiced the ancient art of “Neck Marking.” Looks painful, right? Just wait until you see the other guy!
12. Tomato Sauce Catastrophe
Making pasta last night, I faced the age-old conundrum: how do you know when spaghetti is done? I tried the throw-it-and-see-if-it-sticks technique. Except instead of a wall, I chose my neck. Weirdly enough, that tomato sauce left quite the mark.
13. New Age Art Project
I attended this super edgy, modern art workshop. The theme? Temporary body markings. I figured, why not get creative on my neck? Little did I know, my artwork would stay with me for a few days!
14. Overenthusiastic Karaoke Mic
Karaoke night took a wild turn when my favorite song came on. As I belted out the chorus, the microphone got too close for comfort. Now, I have this fabulous mic-bruise to remind me of my stellar performance.
15. Lost a Bet to a Vacuum Robot
I bet my smart vacuum robot couldn’t climb walls. In a surprising twist, it decided to challenge itself on my neck instead. Now, I’m sporting this mark and also rethinking all technology bets.
16. Miniature Wrestling Championship
Turns out, there’s a world of underground miniature wrestling. My action figures had a face-off, and somehow, I ended up being the wrestling ring. My neck faced the brunt of their championship bout.
17. Unexpected Potato Stamp Art
I attended an arts and crafts workshop, where potato stamps were all the rage. While experimenting with shapes, I wondered what a neck stamp would look like. Unique? Definitely. Regrettable? Maybe a tiny bit.
18. Misadventures in DIY Spa
I heard about these home spa treatments and decided to give myself a fancy neck massage with a weird suction device I found. Long story short, this mark is less “relaxation” and more “what was I thinking?”
19. Befriended a Confused Parrot
During a visit to the pet store, I made a new friend, a colorful parrot named Rico. Rico, mistaking my neck for a perch, tried to get a bit too cozy. Every time I see this mark, I’m reminded of our fleeting friendship.
20. Rogue Rubber Band Snipe
You know the dangerous game of stretching rubber bands and aiming them? In a twist of fate, I managed to aim one at my own neck. Let this mark serve as a reminder of my unmatched precision, albeit unintentional.
Excuses For Hickeys That Will Make You Laugh
21. Failed Science Experiment
Last weekend, I decided to channel my inner Einstein and conducted a DIY science experiment involving suction and skin elasticity.
Aimed to invent a new beauty regime, I ended up with this peculiar neck badge. Might have missed out on a Nobel Prize, but hey, it’s a conversation starter!
22. Zealous Barber Visit
Decided to try out this new barbershop downtown that promised a ‘holistic grooming experience’. They took the holistic bit a tad seriously and went beyond just the hair. This mark? Oh, just a signature touch from a barber who’s clearly passionate about his craft.
23. Stung By Jellyfish
You won’t believe what happened at the beach yesterday! As I was frolicking in the waves, I had a close encounter with a rather enthusiastic jellyfish.
Instead of a sun-kissed tan, I returned with this authentic oceanic tattoo. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of my brush with the deep blue and its vibrant inhabitants.
24. Paintball Misfire
Went paintballing for the first time, aiming to be the undisputed champ. However, while trying to showcase a dramatic dive, I misfired and the paintball hit my neck. It’s not a bruise, just proof of my unwavering dedication to the sport!
25. Impersonating a Flamingo
At a costume party, I decided to go as a flamingo. You know how they tuck their neck in a peculiar way? While perfecting that pose, I guess I held it a bit too long and voilà! This mark is simply a memento from my award-winning performance.
26. Superhero Training Blip
Between you and me, I’ve been prepping for my superhero debut. I was practicing my ‘dodging lasers’ move, and well, one got a tad closer than expected. This mark? Just a battle scar from defending the universe.
27. Test Trail For a Skin Care Product
Oh, this mark on my neck? I was at the mall, and there was this brand-new skincare line promising revolutionary results. As a dedicated follower of all things skincare, I gave their product a whirl right there and then.
Sure, it’s left a little mark, but beauty is about the journey, not the destination, right? At least, that’s the brave face I’m putting on until this fades away!
28. Curious Case of the Magnetic Neck
Visited a magic shop and might have gotten too close to a powerful magnet. This mark is simply the universe’s way of telling me I have a magnetic personality, perhaps quite literally!
29. Experimenting with Neck Yoga
Heard of face yoga? Thought I’d pioneer ‘neck yoga’ – stretching and contorting my neck in all directions. Evidently, I took the term ‘neck flexibility’ a bit too far, and now I have this to show for it.
30. Dance Floor Duel
Ever been so engrossed in dancing that the world blurs out? That was me last weekend, unleashing my inner Michael Jackson. Mid-moonwalk, I collided with someone’s handbag, and it decided to leave its mark, quite literally. It’s a rhythmic reminder of my dance floor escapades.
Related Questions About Hickeys
What is a hickey?
A hickey, commonly known as a love bite or kiss mark, is a type of bruise resulting from the kissing or sucking of the skin, typically on the neck or arm.
When someone sucks hard enough on the skin, it can cause small blood vessels, known as capillaries, to break and leak blood into the surrounding tissues.
This results in a recognizable mark that can vary in color, from pinkish or reddish at first, and later turning purplish or brownish as it heals.
How are hickeys embarrassing?
For many, hickeys are perceived as intimate marks, representative of a private moment shared between two people.
When they’re visible, it’s like publicly displaying a private act, which can lead to teasing, unwanted attention, or judgmental views.
And, since they are typically associated with passionate or romantic encounters, their presence might project certain assumptions or implications about someone’s personal life, which they might not want to share with everyone.
It can be especially uncomfortable in formal settings where maintaining a particular image is crucial.
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How do you hide obvious hickeys?
Hiding a hickey is a common concern for those who have one and need to attend professional or social events. The simplest method is to wear clothing that covers the hickey.
For instance, a turtleneck, scarf, or a collared shirt can hide marks on the neck. If the hickey is in a more exposed place or if clothing isn’t an option, makeup is a go-to solution.
Start with a color corrector to neutralize the hickey’s purple or red tones, followed by a full-coverage concealer that matches the skin tone. Setting with powder ensures the makeup stays put.
Cooling the area with an ice pack right after getting the hickey can reduce its intensity.
How long does a hickey last?
A hickey’s duration can vary depending on several factors, including the individual’s skin type, the severity of the blood vessel damage, and how well one’s body heals.
On average, a hickey can last anywhere from a few days to two weeks. Like other bruises, it will gradually fade over time.
Initially, the hickey might appear bright red or purple, but as it heals, it’ll change to a darker hue, eventually fading to a yellowish color before disappearing entirely.
- All photos via Freepik.com