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As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family, my view on love and relationships was distorted by low self-worth. 

Anytime a guy says “I love you,” I disappear. I ask myself questions like: Why would he love me? What do I have to offer? He is too cute to love someone like me. 

Well, these are the problems, and if they aren’t surmounted, you will continue approaching love and relationships with a warped perspective. 

With time, after years of therapy and research, I changed. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship. You have to convince yourself of that. Thankfully, you are in the right place. In this article, I will discuss how self-worth affects relationships and things you can do to improve it. 

According to research, people who have high self-worth nurture quality relationships. They can give and receive love because they know they deserve it. 

Have you heard of the cliche fake it till you make it? It’s true. Below, I will outline 10 things women who value their self-worth do differently in relationships. When you learn these ideas, try to imbibe them into your life.

1. They set boundaries 

A woman who values her self-worth in a relationship sets boundaries for others. She knows she is in charge of her life and is not afraid to show her power to others. 

When you don’t set boundaries on how you want to be treated or spoken to, you indirectly tell people that they can treat you anyhow they please. 

According to this research article on the importance of boundaries, you can set your boundaries using the “five things” method. These five things are divided into three subgroups: 

  • Five things you’d like people to stop saying or doing around you 
  • Five things you’d like people to stop doing to you 
  • Five things people may no longer say to you 

2. They have mastered their weaknesses and insecurities 

As a teenager, I saw hell because I was short. I was called names and severely bullied because I was the shortest in the entire school. It became one of my biggest insecurities, one that I carried into adulthood. 

However, when I became dedicated to bettering myself, I realized I couldn’t do anything about my height and decided to embrace it. Once I did, it was like my problems were solved. 

My height hasn’t changed, but my perspective has. I started to dress according to my body proportions and only embraced fashion styles accentuating my best qualities. Now, I receive compliments on it every day. 

A woman with high self-worth is not one without weaknesses and insecurities, but one who is confident and assured, despite them. 

Also read: 6 Small Things That Say A Lot About Someone’s Character

3. They do not constantly seek reassurance or validation 

It’s good to know you are doing the right thing, but when you are constantly on the lookout for validation, then your self-worth needs serious work. 

For instance, in the premise of a romantic relationship, do you find yourself constantly badgering your partner for reassurance of their love?  Do you need your man’s validation on any activity before you are sure it’s the right thing? If this is the case, you need to change. 

A woman who values her self-worth will do no such thing. She is a woman who knows she can not always be right but is not afraid to take charge and make the best decisions. She doesn’t ask the crowd what is right or wrong because she trusts her judgment and doesn’t need validation. 

4. They know what they deserve  

According to this research by a team of scientists, most overthinkers have low self-esteem. They do not value themselves, so when people say anything about them, they take it personally. Why? 

For a person with low self-esteem, the opinions of others are the metric with which they evaluate themselves. 

When you overthink, you are short-changing yourself. Not only are you working up your blood pressure for nothing, but you also are not giving yourself the chance to hear the truth. 

A woman who values her self-worth will not overthink or jump to conclusions, no matter how tempting it is.

Instead of overthinking, women with high self-worth will walk up to you and ask direct questions because she deserves it. She isn’t ready to play games, so she demands openness and honesty. 

Related: 10 Defining Traits of A High-Value Woman

5. They have a life outside their relationship

A woman who values her self-worth in a relationship has work and hobbies that occupy her time and takes her attention instead of loitering around badgering her partner of his time. 

You must have hobbies, especially in a romantic relationship. You don’t want to be that partner who doesn’t do anything until the other is free. Neither do you want to be the one who has a lot of free time on their hands and is always available to run errands. 

Be that confident woman whose time can not be messed with because she is immersed in meaningful things. 

6. They don’t stay in unhealthy relationships 

Growing up, I was the butt of everyone’s joke, especially my friends. 

When I gained weight during summer, my friends would laugh at me. When I lost the weight, I was still a laughing stock. The entire debacle affected my self-worth, and as an adult, I became comfortable with being in relationships where I was mocked or verbally abused. It took a lot to get over this and love myself. 

A woman who values herself would not stay in unhealthy relationships where she is constantly disrespected and laughed at. She loves and respects herself so much that she would not let others treat her poorly. She is also not afraid of setting the standard of how people treat her. You either treat her right or bounce; there is no compromise. 

7. They are assertive 

It is easy to nod and say, “I’m okay,” even when you’re not, but that’s not what a woman who values her self-worth will do. 

Assertiveness is self-assuredness. It is the confidence to speak up, no matter the circumstances, and stick to it. A woman who values her self-worth will not be bullied into silence or discomfort. She will speak up to make sure her points are made. 

People who don’t value their self-worth are comfortable accepting whatever is thrown at them because they don’t feel like they deserve more. However, people who know themselves are not afraid to speak and make demands when necessary. 

Interesting: How to Attract and Date High-Value Men

8. They know they are worthy of love 

The biggest sabotage of your relationship is low self-worth. Trust me; I’ve been there. 

Low self-worth makes you subconsciously push your partner away because you don’t believe it when they say, “I love you.” Not only that, you constantly need the reassurance of their affection; otherwise, you will dissolve in a sea of self-doubt. It can be tiring, especially for your partner. 

Women who value their self-worth know they are worthy of love. They have accepted themselves in their entirety and are confident that a man would see them as they see themselves. 

9. They don’t downplay their accomplishments 

As a woman who values her self-worth, you must know how to embrace your strengths and accomplishments without feeling the need to minimize them so that others can feel better about themselves. 

Just like you have embraced your weakness and insecurities, you also need to embrace your accomplishments. 

When you receive compliments on your work, accept them gracefully. For instance, someone says, “Wow, you did a great job, Sarah.”. Someone who doesn’t value their self-worth will say, “Oh, it’s nothing special.” But a woman who values her self-worth will say, “Thank you, it took me years to learn this, but I’m finally a pro now.” 

It’s not pride, it’s self-assurance. 

10. They are not people pleasers 

People pleasers do not get the love and respect they deserve in a relationship because they keep putting everybody else ahead of themselves. They keep saying “Yes” and  “Of course” to everything they’re asked, even if it goes against their interests and comfort. They want their partners to love them so bad that they are willing to go the extra mile. 

A woman who values her self-worth isn’t afraid to think of herself before others. She is not selfish, but she can say “no” if it is against her principles or outside her interests. She has boundaries, and she is not trying to impress anyone into liking her because she loves herself enough. 


People who don’t value their self-worth always end up in unhealthy relationships. If you don’t value or treat yourself with respect, you will always be attracted to people who do not value you. 

I hope these ten habits above will help you improve and become a better woman with high self-worth. When you do this, you will only find yourself in quality relationships where respect and love are mutual.

Related: 7 Sure Ways To Build A High Self Esteem

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Adetayo Toluwalope

Adetayo is an author and a prolific writer. Her writing experience broadly encompasses fiction and articles regarding dating and lifestyle. She's passionate about helping people become better versions of themselves through storytelling.

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