Sharing is caring!

It can be heartbreaking when you start noticing that your man might be forcing himself to love you. 

It all usually starts with the more subtle signs that you can easily brush off, like him becoming a tad less responsive, or maybe his laughter just doesn’t quite reach his eyes anymore. 

Maybe his “goodnight” texts aren’t as frequent, or those sweet surprises that used to make your day have become rare occurrences.

You may find yourself thinking, “Maybe he’s just tired,” or “Perhaps he’s just going through a lot right now.” And yes, these could be possible explanations. 

We all have our off days, right? 

But when these signs start to form a pattern, it might be a little more than just an off day. It could mean he’s struggling with his feelings, maybe even forcing himself to love you.

1. Forced Happiness

He laughs. He smiles. But somehow, the mirth doesn’t reach his eyes. Authentic happiness and enjoyment are nearly impossible to fake, and when something isn’t genuine, it often shows.

What’s vital is to keep an open mind and maintain a level-headed perspective. Recall moments when you both shared a joke, or when he found something particularly amusing. 

Look back on those moments and compare them with the present. Is there a notable difference? Remember, the proof lies in patterns, not isolated incidents. If the pattern shows a consistent lack of genuine joy, it’s a worrying sign.

Interestingly, research suggests that genuine laughter, particularly the kind that results from shared humor, is a potent bonding agent in relationships. Therefore, when it’s lacking or feels forced, the relationship might be running on empty.

2. He Rarely Initiates Intimacy

When a man is forcing himself to love you

Intimacy is one of the most profound ways couples express their love and affection. It goes beyond physical touch—it’s about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and mutual understanding. 

If he’s not taking the initiative to be intimate, it could indicate that he’s pushing himself to maintain a connection that isn’t truly there.

Observe how often he initiates intimate moments, compared to how often you do. This isn’t merely about physical intimacy, but also about emotional closeness, like sharing personal thoughts or experiences. 

3. The Connection Is Surface Level

Conversations never seem to move past small talk or daily banter. Your shared activities might be fun but shallow, never scratching beneath the surface.

When in love, individuals usually feel a natural inclination to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences with their partner. 

The lack of this depth might be an indication that he’s holding back, preventing the development of a deeper emotional connection.

Think about the conversations you have. Do they revolve around deeper subjects like hopes, fears, and dreams? Or are they stuck on the surface, discussing only day-to-day matters or the latest Netflix show? 

Keep in mind that it’s not about having profound discussions all the time. However, a persistent pattern of surface-level interaction could be because he’s forcing himself to love you.

4. Less Physical Affection


People who are genuinely in love naturally add small touches, caresses, or kisses into their interactions with their partners.

When these actions decrease in frequency or intensity, or feel mechanical instead of spontaneous, it could indicate that he’s trying to force feelings that aren’t genuinely there. 

The physical connection between partners is a non-verbal but essential way of communicating love and affection. It’s a kind of secret language between lovers. 

When this connection diminishes, it might mean that he’s forcing himself to love you.

But be careful not to jump to conclusions based on a few isolated instances. People have periods when they aren’t as affectionate. 

If you notice that he consistently pulls back from physical intimacy, it may signal a deeper issue.

5. He’s Often Absent, Even When He’s With You

Spending time together strengthens the bond between partners. When one person consistently seems distant or disinterested, it could indicate a lack of emotional engagement. 

He could be with you but seems more interested in his phone, a book or a tv show.

His physical presence isn’t enough. Emotional presence is also essential in any relationship. Being physically present but emotionally absent is like seeing a beautiful painting in grayscale—there’s something vital missing.

Again, consider the overall pattern rather than isolated incidents. Everyone can be caught up in their thoughts or distracted occasionally. However, if he consistently lacks presence during your shared time, it’s worth investigating if he’s forcing himself to love you.

It’s always recommended to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings and concerns. After all, effective communication is the heart of any healthy relationship.

6. He’s Often in a Bad Mood Around You

Man forcing himself to love wife

In a genuine, loving relationship, being with your partner typically brings joy and contentment, not persistent annoyance or frustration.

Moodiness could be a sign that he’s uncomfortable in the relationship. It might manifest as irritability, impatience, or general dissatisfaction. These feelings could be a symptom of him forcing himself to feel something he doesn’t genuinely feel.

Consider how he acts with others versus how he acts with you. Is there a marked difference? Does he seem more relaxed, joyful, or at ease with friends or family, only to become irritable and unhappy when you’re alone? 

7. The Conversations Are More Fights Than Talks

Conflicts occur occasionally in a healthy relationship but are usually resolved through calm, constructive conversation. Frequent, heated fights often stem from underlying issues or dissatisfaction.

He could be struggling with his feelings and expressing that through arguments. 

The tension created by forcing himself to love you may result in conflict. Constant quarreling drains the relationship’s positivity and could be his subconscious way of creating distance.

Are your conversations turning into arguments more often than not? Are they about insignificant matters, seemingly out of the blue? Look for a pattern rather than a one-time event. 

8. He Compares You to His Ex

Guy who doesn't love girlfriend

It’s natural to reflect on past relationships occasionally. However, frequent comparisons between you and his ex could be an indication that he’s trying to mold the relationship (or you) into something it’s not.

The fact that he’s making these comparisons means  he’s not fully content or satisfied with the relationship. 

It might be because he’s trying to recreate his past relationship or trying to force himself to have feelings that he had in his past relationship.

9. His Friends and Family Seem Surprised He’s With You

People close to him may know his preferences and desires well. If they feel that you don’t align with what they know of him, their surprise could be a sign that he’s in the relationship out of force, not love.

However, outsiders’ perceptions of a relationship can be skewed or biased. It’s advisable to have open discussions with your partner about any concerns or discomforts you may have noticed from his friends or family.

10. You Notice a Lack of Genuine Effort

It’s always the little things that make a relationship truly special. Whether it’s planning dates, expressing affection, or merely engaging in thoughtful gestures, effort is a significant part of a healthy relationship. 

A decrease in these activities may show that he’s forcing himself to maintain the relationship, but his heart isn’t in it.

Reflect on the efforts he used to make. Compare those to his current efforts. Are you noticing a decline? 

A persistent decline, not explained by other factors like stress or personal difficulties, might mean he’s trying to force feelings of love. 

11. Unwillingness to Plan for the Future

Signs he's forcing himself to like you

This sign manifests itself in various ways. He might dodge discussions about future vacations, major purchases like homes or cars, or even seemingly small commitments like planning a party or attending an event months down the line. 

His reluctance implies uncertainty about the relationship’s future, and that’s not indicative of a deep, committed love.

Moreover, the unwillingness to plan for the future could point towards a deeper issue, like fear of commitment. Rather than jump to conclusions, communicate effectively and understand his reasons. 

Perhaps he is genuinely unsure of his future circumstances, or maybe he’s experiencing personal difficulties. However, when these reasons are absent or resolved, and he’s still unwilling to commit to future plans, then there’s a problem.

12. He’s Not as Responsive as He Used to Be

When someone is forcing themselves to love, they may not feel as compelled to respond promptly or enthusiastically.

A noticeable change in his responsiveness might be due to him trying to reconcile his true feelings with the emotions he’s attempting to project. It could be that he’s not as emotionally invested in the relationship as he tries to appear.

Is he taking much longer than usual to respond to your messages? Does he seem unenthusiastic or disinterested in his responses? 

This isn’t about a few missed calls or delayed text responses. Instead, it’s about a consistent change in behavior.

What should I do if I notice several of these signs in my relationship?

While these signs could be indicators that he’s forcing himself to love you, they are not definitive proof. Instead, these signs should prompt you to evaluate your relationship more thoroughly.

If you’ve noticed a few of these signs consistently, it might be time to have a candid discussion with your partner. Express your observations and concerns calmly, and allow him to share his feelings and perspective as well.

Can a relationship work if one person is forcing themselves to love the other?

A relationship based on forced feelings is unlikely to be fulfilling or healthy in the long run. Genuine love and mutual respect are cornerstones of any successful relationship. 

If one person is forcing themselves to feel love, it could lead to resentment, dissatisfaction, and conflict over time.

This doesn’t mean that feelings can’t evolve and deepen over time. If both parties are willing to invest effort and patience, it’s possible for the relationship to grow into something more profound. 

Should I end the relationship if I think he’s forcing himself to love me?

Making a decision about your relationship is deeply personal and depends on numerous factors. 

If you consistently notice signs that he’s forcing himself to love you and discussions with him confirm your concerns, it may indeed be a signal that the relationship isn’t fulfilling for either of you.

However, before making any decisions, it might be worthwhile to seek advice. Also consider your feelings, needs, and happiness in the relationship. Your decision should ultimately serve your well-being and happiness.


Now, before you jump to conclusions and spiral into worry, let’s get something straight: recognizing these signs is just the first step. 

It doesn’t automatically mean that he’s forcing his feelings. It’s merely a prompt for you to observe a little closer. 

But if you find a cluster of these signs constantly, then he might truly be forcing himself to love you.

  • All photos from

Website Profile Pics 4
Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

Sharing is caring!