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Self-love is like a buzzword that’s thrown around a lot these days. Everywhere we turn, from books to social media, someone is talking about the importance of loving yourself. 

But what does it truly mean to love yourself? It’s not just about spa days, treating yourself to something nice, or repeating positive affirmations in the mirror.

At its core, self-love is about recognizing your worth as an individual. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness, patience, and understanding that you would offer a close friend. 

Imagine making a mistake and instead of beating yourself up over it, you say, “It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. I’ll learn and move on.” That’s the essence of self-love.

But just as signs like smiles and laughter can show happiness, there are subtle signs that hint you might not love or value yourself as you should. 

These aren’t always obvious and can often be mistaken as just “having a bad day.” But if these signs persist, it’s necessary to recognize and address them. 

15 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself

Signs You Don't Love Yourself

1. You Engage In Self-Harming Habits

Harmful habits like substance abuse, reckless behavior, or deliberate physical harm, points towards a severe lack of self-love. 

These actions are cries for help, ways of externalizing internal pain. Often, they’re attempts to numb or escape feelings of unworthiness, sadness, or anxiety.

It’s heartbreaking to see someone hurting themselves, physically or mentally. But the path to healing begins with acknowledging the pain and seeking help. 

2. You Refuse to Do Things You Know Are Good For You

It’s a curious thing to know what’s beneficial for you, yet deliberately avoiding it. This avoidance could manifest as neglecting exercise, avoiding healthy eating, or not setting boundaries. 

At its core, it’s a reflection of not valuing yourself enough to prioritize your well-being. It’s as though there’s a barrier preventing access to happiness or health.

Breaking down this barrier means recognizing its existence. Ask yourself why there’s resistance. Is it fear? Is it a feeling of undeservedness? 

Pinpointing the root allows for a targeted approach to nurturing self-love and making healthier choices.

[Also read: 6 Sure Signs Of Low Self-Esteem We Often Don’t See]

3. You Keep Bad Friends

Friendships should uplift, support, and bring joy. But hanging on to friends who belittle, use, or negatively influence signifies a compromise in self-worth. 

Why keep company with those who don’t respect you?

Bad friendships can be like emotional quicksand, dragging you down and magnifying feelings of unworthiness. 

Over time, the negativity can become a new norm, skewing perceptions of what true friendship looks like.

4. You Engage in Negative Self-Talk

Words are powerful. Constantly telling yourself that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or just plain ‘enough’ can be damaging. 

This constant barrage of negativity solidifies into a false belief system, hampering growth and happiness.

The brain believes what it hears repeatedly. By feeding it a constant stream of negativity, it’s almost like programming yourself for failure. 

This self-fulfilling prophecy limits potential and keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.

5. Sabotaging Good Relationships

Everyone deserves love and understanding. Yet, sometimes, out of fear or a belief of undeservedness, people push away those who genuinely care. 

This act of sabotaging good relationships is a manifestation of not feeling worthy of happiness.

Love can be scary. Especially when past experiences or internal narratives warn us of impending pain or rejection. 

By pushing away potential happiness, it’s almost like a protective mechanism to avoid future hurt.

Understanding and breaking this pattern involves diving deep into one’s fears and insecurities. It’s about rebuilding trust, not just with others but primarily with oneself. 

[Related: 7 Signs You Hate Yourself (& How to Stop)

6. You Constantly Seek Validation

Girl who doesn't love herself

There’s a difference between occasional recognition and a chronic need for validation. 

When your self-worth hinges on the opinions of others, it’s an alarming sign that you don’t value your own perspective.

Being reliant on external validation can be exhausting. You find yourself adjusting behaviors, opinions, or even looks based on what you think will earn praise or acceptance from others. 

This rarely leads to genuine happiness.

True validation comes from within. Everyone has their internal compass of values and beliefs. Relying on yourself and acknowledging your worth is a significant step towards genuine self-love.

7. You’re Overly Self-Critical

Self-reflection is healthy, but there’s a vast difference between constructive introspection and constantly berating yourself. 

People who don’t fully love themselves often magnify their faults and play down their strengths.

Every mistake becomes a catastrophe, every flaw a significant shortcoming. This overwhelming cloud of self-doubt can hinder personal growth. 

[Related: 7 Sure Ways To Build A High Self Esteem]

8. You Prioritize Everyone Else’s Needs Above Yours

Taking care of loved ones is a virtue. But consistently placing others’ needs above your own to the detriment of your well-being is a telling sign. 

You might feel guilty about dedicating time or resources for yourself, thinking that others deserve it more.

This constant self-sacrifice can lead to burnout. Not only do you deprive yourself of necessary self-care, but you also diminish your capacity to help others. 

After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Balancing your needs with those of others is not selfish; it’s essential. By taking time to recharge and cater to your well-being, you are in a better position to support those you care about. 

9. You Engage in Self-Sabotage

Sometimes, it’s not the external challenges but our own actions that hold us back. 

Whether it’s procrastination, negative self-talk, or staying in toxic environments, self-sabotaging behaviors indicate a lack of self-love.

Such behaviors often stem from deep-seated beliefs that one doesn’t deserve success or happiness. 

By continually setting yourself up for failure, these beliefs are perpetuated, further ingraining the idea that success is elusive.

[Read: 15 Clear Signs of Low Self-Esteem In a Man]

10. You Settle for Less Than You Deserve

Whether in relationships, careers, or personal aspirations, settling is a glaring sign. 

You might think you’re not worthy of a loving relationship or a fulfilling job, so you cling to situations that are far from ideal.

Staying in scenarios that don’t align with your values or aspirations can lead to feelings of resentment. Over time, this can build up, creating a cloud of negativity and reinforcing beliefs of unworthiness.

11. You Ignore Your Intuition

When you don't love yourself

Your inner voice, or intuition, is a powerful guide. However, continually doubting or ignoring this voice can be a sign that you don’t trust or love yourself. 

You might second-guess decisions or rely excessively on others’ opinions, sidelining your own feelings.

This disconnect from one’s intuition can lead to feelings of regret or missed opportunities. 

By not tuning into and valuing your internal guidance system, you might find yourself on paths that don’t resonate with your true self.

12. You Neglect Your Physical and Emotional Well-being

Regularly neglecting physical health – be it through poor nutrition, lack of exercise, or inadequate rest – can be an external manifestation of lacking self-love. 

Similarly, not addressing emotional or mental challenges can exacerbate feelings of unworthiness.

Over time, it’s not just the body that suffers; the spirit can become weary, leading to feelings of unhappiness.

Prioritizing well-being, both physically and emotionally, is a direct expression of self-love. It means valuing oneself enough to invest in health, happiness, and overall quality of life.

13. You’re Reluctant to Celebrate Your Achievements

Continuously downplaying or ignoring one’s successes, no matter how small, is a sign of not recognizing one’s worth.

Every achievement, whether big or small, is a testament to effort, skill, and persistence. By overlooking these moments, you miss out on opportunities to boost self-confidence.

Embracing and celebrating achievements doesn’t mean boasting. It’s a personal acknowledgment of effort and success.

14. You Avoid Confronting Personal Issues

Sweeping problems under the rug might seem like the easy way out. But consistently avoiding personal issues, be they emotional, mental, or even financial, can indicate a lack of self-care and self-love.

Facing problems head-on can be daunting. There’s fear, vulnerability, and sometimes, a lot of pain. But avoiding them only lets them fester, growing bigger and more daunting with time.

15. You Rarely Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential. They’re the lines we draw to protect our well-being. 

But if you find yourself consistently overextending, always saying ‘yes’ even when you want to say ‘no’, it’s time to ask why.

Without boundaries, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, or even disrespected. 

Setting boundaries is not about being rigid or unkind. It’s a way to communicate value and respect for oneself. 

By establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, you prioritize your well-being and teach others to do the same.

[Read: 4 Simple Steps To Understand Yourself]

How to Start Loving Yourself

How to love yourself more

1. Practice Daily Affirmations

You’d be surprised at the power of words. The things you say to yourself matter, especially the positive ones. 

Starting your day by looking in the mirror and stating something positive about yourself can set the tone for the entire day. 

“I am strong,” “I am capable,” or “I am worthy of love and happiness” are some examples. The more you tell yourself these things, the more you’ll begin to believe them.

Over time, these affirmations can help shift your mindset. Instead of getting caught up in a web of self-doubt, you’ll find your brain leaning towards positivity and self-assurance. 

It’s not an overnight fix, but it’s a habit that reinforces your worth every single day.

2. Take Time for Self-Care

Set aside time, even just a few minutes each day, to do something that makes you feel good. This could be reading, taking a short walk, or even just deep breathing exercises. 

The idea is to create a small pocket of joy in your day, dedicated just for you.

As days turn into weeks and months, these pockets of joy add up. They serve as little reminders that you are worth the time and effort. 

More importantly, they’re moments where you prioritize your well-being and happiness.

3. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

You might have heard that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. 

While it might not be an exact science, there’s truth in the notion that your environment shapes you. 

By choosing to be around uplifting and supportive individuals, you’re more likely to absorb and reflect their positivity.

It’s not just about ditching negative friends but actively seeking out positive environments. 

Join a group, be it for hobbies, fitness, or personal growth. Being around folks who inspire and support can be a game-changer in your journey to self-love.

5. Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is about respecting and valuing yourself. It’s essential to recognize when situations or people drain you and have the courage to distance yourself. 

By setting clear boundaries, you’re asserting your needs and ensuring you’re not overextending or compromising your well-being.

Remember, boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” to others. It’s also about saying “yes” to yourself. 

[Interesting: 8 Reasons Why You Feel Uncomfortable When Someone Likes You]

Related Questions About Lack of Self Love 

Related Questions About Lack of Self Love 

Signs You Don’t Love Yourself in a Relationship

In relationships, lacking self-love often manifests as a dependency on one’s partner for validation or an acceptance of behavior that isn’t nurturing or even toxic. 

This can lead to ignoring red flags, tolerating disrespect, or constantly seeking affirmation from the partner to feel valued. 

Another sign might be putting the partner’s needs always above one’s own to the point of self-neglect, stemming from a belief that the partner’s happiness is more important than one’s own well-being.

What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself?

A lack of self-love can have profound implications on mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. 

Emotionally, there’s a constant feeling of unworthiness or a nagging belief that one doesn’t deserve happiness or love. 

This can result in self-sabotage, such as pushing away good opportunities or good people from one’s life. Mentally, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Over time, these negative emotional states can even manifest physically, causing issues like insomnia, appetite changes, or weakened immunity.

What Causes People to Not Love Themselves?

Several factors can contribute to a lack of self-love. Often, it roots back to early life experiences. 

Childhood traumas, neglect, or being subjected to constant criticism can create a foundation of feeling unloved or unworthy. 

Plus, societal pressures regarding appearance, success, or behavior can amplify feelings of inadequacy. 

Past failures or rejections, if not processed healthily, can also solidify beliefs of undesirability or incompetence.

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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