“Charm is more valuable than beauty. You can resist beauty. But you can’t resist charm.” — Audrey Tautou
Here’s the thing about charm: Charming people don’t just make themselves look good. More importantly, they make you feel good about yourself in their presence. This is why we can’t get enough of them.
And the good thing about being charming is that it has little to do with how you look. A good-looking person who is always frowning isn’t going to charm anyone.
It’s more about poise, character, attentiveness, empathy, and respect for others. In a nutshell, charming people are amazing precisely because they don’t try to be charming, they focus on making you look good.
1. They don’t exploit people’s insecurities
Charming people are good at quickly putting people’s insecurities to rest. And here’s why this is so important.
As studies have now found, people form their first impression of you within the first few seconds they see you. This means that they don’t even need to talk to you to evaluate you.
Humans are always on the lookout, evaluating, judging, and measuring people against ourselves.
Even if you’re dead gorgeous or intelligent, it could be a huge disadvantage if your strengths only make people feel insecure about themselves.
Hence, it is a remarkable skill to make people aware that you are not interested in poking holes in their self-esteem. And charming people are good at this.
A charming person will look at you with respect, pay attention to the things you say, and make you feel that they get where you’re coming from. They don’t take subtle digs at your height, the size of your nose, or the craziness of your values.
And when they’ve made you comfortable with them, you can easily get addicted to the feeling they give you in their presence.
2. They know this subtle trick that everyone falls for
Everyone likes to talk about themselves. It’s innate.
We all have little movies in our heads that we play where we make ourselves the hero.
We have a lot we want to tell people. But the problem is that most people don’t want to listen. Why?
We all want to talk about ourselves. And for this reason, finding someone who genuinely listens to what you have to say has an addictive pull.
Charming people are genuinely interested in others. They’ve learned to be less self-centered. They know how to take the attention away from themselves and let others shine.
Who wouldn’t feel drawn to someone that makes them shine?
Understand that making others the center of attention is harder than you might think. We are all consummate actors hungry to get the spotlight to ourselves.
To make someone else the center of attention entails that you deliberately learn to be less self-absorbed in social interactions. As Robert Greene advised in The Laws of Human Nature,
“See each person as an undiscovered country that you will carefully explore.”