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Sometimes in relationships, we find ourselves dealing with patterns that we don’t quite understand. 

When you’re involved with someone who has an avoidant attachment style, it can be a bit tricky. These individuals tend to pull away when things start getting close or intense. 

If you’ve noticed your partner taking a step back just when you thought everything was going well, they might have an avoidant attachment style. 

This doesn’t mean they don’t care about you; it’s just how they handle closeness and intimacy.

In this article, we’re diving into some practical steps you can take if you find yourself in this situation. It’s not about changing who they are, but understanding them better and working together to build a strong, healthy connection. 

We all have our ways of dealing with relationships, and understanding these patterns can make a world of difference.

1. Give Them Space

When someone with an avoidant attachment style starts pulling away, your first instinct might be to chase after them. However, that’s not the best approach here. Why?

Avoidant individuals value their independence highly, and crowding them can make things worse. They need their space to process their emotions and thoughts.

So, what should you do? Give them the room they need. This doesn’t mean you should completely ignore them or cut off communication, but you should respect their need for distance. 

You can send a simple message letting them know you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk, and then give them some breathing room.

Remember, giving them space doesn’t mean you’re neglecting them or the relationship. It’s actually a way of respecting their boundaries and needs. They’ll appreciate that you’re not pushing them, and it can ultimately help in maintaining a healthier relationship.

2. Stay Calm and Don’t Take It Personally

when an avoidant pulls away

It’s easy to feel rejected or take it personally when an avoidant partner pulls away, but it’s important to stay calm. 

Understand that their need for space isn’t a reflection of their feelings for you or your worthiness as a partner. It’s just how they cope with stress or emotions.

Avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst. Their behavior is likely a result of their attachment style and past experiences, not something you did wrong. 

Stay calm, keep a positive mindset, and be patient. This situation requires understanding and patience.

If you start to feel overwhelmed, take some time to focus on yourself. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with friends or family, and practice self-care. This will help you stay balanced and calm, which is crucial when dealing with an avoidant partner.

3. Communicate With Them When They’re Ready

When your avoidant partner starts to re-engage, that’s the time to communicate openly. 

Share your feelings and thoughts, but do it in a non-accusatory way. Express how you feel instead of placing blame on them.

Ask them about their needs and how you can support them better in the future. This shows that you respect their boundaries and are willing to work on the relationship. 

Be patient and listen to what they have to say. Understanding their perspective is key to building a stronger connection.

It’s also important to communicate your own needs and boundaries. A healthy relationship requires both partners to feel heard and respected. By communicating openly and respectfully, you can work together to find a balance that meets both of your needs.

4. Don’t Force Them to Open Up

Trying to force an avoidant partner to open up when they’re not ready can backfire. They might feel pressured and pull away even more. 

Instead, let them know that you’re there to listen when they’re ready to talk, and leave it at that.

Avoidants usually have a hard time opening up about their feelings, and pressuring them can make them feel unsafe. Show them through your actions that you’re a safe person to talk to. Be consistent, patient, and understanding.

Let them come to you on their own terms. When they see that you’re supportive and not pushing them, they’re more likely to open up and share their thoughts and feelings with you.

5. Reflect on Your Own Attachment Style

Understanding your own attachment style can help you navigate the relationship better. How?

If you have an anxious attachment style, for example, an avoidant partner pulling away might trigger your insecurities. Knowing this about yourself can help you manage your reactions and maintain a calmer demeanor.

Work on developing a secure attachment style. This means being comfortable with both closeness and independence in relationships. 

A secure attachment style can help you respond more calmly and rationally when an avoidant partner pulls away.

Educate yourself about different attachment styles and reflect on how they impact your relationships. This knowledge can empower you to build healthier relationships and respond more effectively when challenges arise.

6. Seek Support if Needed

If you’re finding it particularly difficult to handle when your avoidant partner pulls away, it might be helpful to seek support. 

Talk to friends or family members about how you’re feeling. Sometimes, just voicing your thoughts and feelings can provide a new perspective and make you feel better.

If the situation is causing you significant distress, you might consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you understand your feelings, provide coping strategies, and offer guidance on how to navigate the relationship.

Accept that it’s okay to seek help and support. Relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with different attachment styles. 

A support system can provide the strength and perspective you need to handle the situation in a healthy way.

7. Maintain Your Own Independence

Being in a relationship with an avoidant partner means you should also keep a strong sense of independence. You have your own life, interests, and social circle. 

Don’t lose sight of that. Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the relationship and forget about your own personal growth. But remember, maintaining your independence is crucial.

Invest time in your hobbies and interests. Keep nurturing relationships with your friends and family. This not only helps in keeping a balanced life but also shows your avoidant partner that you respect their need for space and have your own as well.

When you maintain your independence, you’re also creating a healthier dynamic in your relationship. 

You’re less likely to feel overwhelmed when your avoidant partner needs their space, and you’re giving them the room they need to come back to you willingly.

[Read: 15 Visible Signs a Woman Feels Safe With You]

8. Focus on Building Trust

avoidant pulling away

Trust is a key component in any relationship but it’s even more crucial when you’re dealing with an avoidant partner. 

They need to know they can trust you not to push their boundaries, and that you’ll respect their need for space. Building this trust takes time and patience.

Show through your actions that you are reliable and consistent. Be there for them when they do open up, and show understanding and support. This helps in creating a safe environment for them to start sharing more of their thoughts and feelings.

Don’t forget that building trust is a continuous process. Even when things are going well, keep showing that you are trustworthy and respectful of their needs. 

9. Be Patient

Patience is a big one when you’re dealing with an avoidant partner. Understand that their need to pull away is not about you, it’s about their need for space. 

Sometimes, this can be frustrating, especially if you’re ready to connect and they’re not.

But remember, pushing them to open up before they’re ready won’t help. 

Be patient and give them the time they need. Show understanding and support, even from a distance. This shows that you respect their needs and are willing to wait for them.

When you’re patient, you also help yourself. How? 

You’re avoiding unnecessary conflict and maintaining a peaceful environment in your relationship. And when they are ready to reconnect, they’ll see that you were patient and respectful of their needs, which only helps in strengthening your bond.

10. Understand That It’s Not About Changing Them

Sometimes, there’s a misconception that you can change an avoidant partner’s behavior. 

However, it’s important to understand that their attachment style is a part of who they are, and pushing them to change can lead to frustration on both ends.

Instead of trying to change them, focus on understanding them better. Learn about avoidant attachment style and how it affects their behavior in relationships. 

This knowledge can help you navigate your relationship more effectively and maintain a healthy dynamic.

The goal is not to change them but to understand them and work together to build a strong, healthy relationship. By accepting them as they are and understanding their needs, you’re creating a supportive environment for your relationship to thrive.

[Interesting: How To Make A Man Crave You Emotionally]

11. Celebrate the Good Moments

When they are engaging and present, make the most out of it. Show appreciation and enjoy your time together. This helps in creating positive experiences and memories in your relationship.

Celebrating the good moments also helps in building a stronger connection. It shows your partner that you appreciate them and the effort they are putting into the relationship. 

And it helps in creating a positive association with being close and connected.

Remember, focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship can make the challenging times easier to navigate. It creates a reservoir of good feelings and experiences that you can draw from when your partner needs their space.

12. Be Ready to Evaluate the Relationship

Being in a relationship with an avoidant partner can be challenging, and it’s important to regularly evaluate if the relationship is meeting your needs. 

Reflect on how you’re feeling, and whether you’re getting what you need from the relationship.

If you’re feeling neglected or not valued, it’s important to communicate this to your partner. Share your needs and see if there’s a way to find a balance that works for both of you. 

Be honest with yourself about what you need in a relationship and whether this relationship is providing that.

It’s okay to decide that a relationship isn’t meeting your needs. Your well-being is important, and being in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and unhappiness. 

Make sure to prioritize your own well-being and be ready to make tough decisions if needed.

Final Words 

Navigating a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style can be challenging, but it’s definitely not impossible. 

You can build a strong, loving relationship that withstands the challenges, creating a supportive and caring environment for both of you. It’s all about mutual understanding. 

By understanding their need for space and not taking it personally, you create a supportive environment for both of you. 

But don’t forget about your own needs too. Make sure to maintain your own independence and social circles. With patience, understanding, and the right approach, you can build a strong and fulfilling relationship, even when things get a bit tricky. 

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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