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Players are charming, they’re fun, and they know all the right things to say, but their intentions? Not always pure.

They have a knack for making you feel like you’re the only person in the world, but before you know it, you find yourself in a whirlwind of uncertainty and mixed emotions. 

They’re smooth operators, masters of the dating game. They know how to create a spark, but unfortunately, that spark often fizzles out just as quickly as it ignited.

Now, let’s be clear. Not every charismatic person you meet is a player. But when you stumble upon one, wouldn’t it be great to have some warning signs handy? This way, you can see them for who they truly are before you get too emotionally invested. 

Stick with me, and let’s dive into the top 10 warning signs he might be a player. Remember, forewarned is forearmed.

1. He is Always Flirting

signs a man is a player

Flirting can be a healthy part of any relationship, but when it’s constant and directed towards everyone, it could be a red flag. 

A player is a master at flirting; it’s his primary tool to attract and manipulate women. He seems to be constantly on the lookout for someone to flirt with, and it doesn’t matter if you’re there or not.

The flirts don’t even stop when you’re around. You’ll notice him making unnecessary comments about how attractive the waitress is, or how he can’t stop himself from flirting with your friend. 

This isn’t just about harmless comments; this is about someone who appears to have an insatiable need for attention and validation from the opposite sex. 

Remember, everyone appreciates a compliment and some good-natured teasing here and there, but when it starts to feel like a full-time job to keep his attention on you, something might be off.

2. He’s Hot and Cold

Sometimes, he’s all over you, bombarding you with attention, compliments, and charm. 

Then suddenly, it’s like someone flipped a switch, and he’s distant, unresponsive, and indifferent. That’s what we call a classic hot and cold behavior.

A player thrives on the thrill of the chase. He loves the initial stages of getting to know someone—the sweet messages, the romantic gestures, the validation he gets when you start falling for him. 

But once he feels like he’s won you over, he’ll retreat. This creates an emotional roller coaster that keeps you guessing, hoping, and ultimately, hooked.

If you notice he’s sweet one day and aloof the next, this inconsistency might be a warning sign. 

Relationships should bring a certain level of stability and security, not constant confusion about where you stand.

3. He’s Not Interested in Deep Connection

10 signs he's playing you

When it comes to building a deep, emotional connection, a player often falls short. 

He’s all about the surface-level interactions – light, fun, and often superficial. Deep conversations, and vulnerable moments, these aren’t his strong suit.

You try to get him to open up about his past, his dreams, his fears, but it’s like pulling teeth. 

It’s not that he’s necessarily secretive; it’s more that he’s disinterested in developing that deep bond. Why? 

Players are typically looking for fun, not feelings. They prefer to keep things light and easy.

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone is an open book, and some people need time to feel comfortable sharing their personal thoughts and experiences. 

However, if you feel like you’ve known him for a while, and yet you barely know anything about him, it could be because he’s avoiding a deeper connection.

4. His Social Media is a Sea of Women

I’m sure we’ve all done a little social media stalking from time to time. Don’t deny it! 

When it comes to spotting a player, his online presence can be quite revealing. If his social media profiles are filled with pictures, comments, and likes from various women, that could be a red flag.

Does it seem like every post he makes attracts a swarm of heart-eyed emojis from an array of women? Or perhaps there’s an alarming number of women posting on his timeline or tagging him in their photos? 

These signs hint at his flirtatious nature, and it could very well mean he’s playing the field.

Social media should never be the sole basis of your judgment, but it can give you some insight into his character and lifestyle. 

5. He Avoids Commitment

Is he a player?

A big indicator that you’re dealing with a player is his aversion to commitment

He might be fantastic at making plans for the weekend or promising you the stars and the moon, but when it comes to defining the relationship or making any long-term commitment, he starts to squirm.

For instance, if you ask about serious topics related to the future of your relationship, he may change the subject, give vague answers, or promise that the future holds everything you want, without actually taking any steps toward it. It’s always ‘someday’, ‘maybe’, or ‘we’ll see’, never a clear commitment.

This fear of commitment stems from a player’s desire to keep their options open. After all, a committed relationship means closing off other opportunities, and a player thrives on those opportunities.

As Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a couple therapist known for his work in the area of secure-functioning relationships once said, 

“Secure-functioning partners are able to commit — fully. They say, ‘I’m in, no matter what.'”

6. He’s Known for Being a Player

Sometimes the warning signs are right in front of us, but we choose to ignore them. 

If his reputation precedes him and he’s known as a player amongst your mutual friends or community, you might want to take that into account.

Sure, people can change, and someone’s past doesn’t define their future. But if you’re hearing the same stories from different people about his player behavior, it’s worth paying attention.

Don’t let yourself be blinded by charm and charisma. It’s important to consider all factors when getting to know someone, including their past behavior and the opinions of people you trust.

7. He’s Overly Protective of His Phone

handling a player

We all value our privacy, but if he’s overly protective of his phone, it could be a warning sign. 

I mean, come on, we’re talking about the kind of guy who never leaves his phone unattended, has a password longer than the Great Wall of China, and looks like he’s about to have a heart attack if you even glance at his screen.

You see, his phone holds evidence of his player behavior—texts, DMs, calls from other women, maybe even dating apps. 

Being overly secretive or defensive about his phone usage could indicate that he has something to hide.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone deserves their privacy, and snooping around someone’s personal stuff is never okay. 

But there’s a difference between maintaining privacy and being secretive. If it feels like he’s hiding something, it might be worth a conversation.

8. He’s Always Unavailable

Players tend to be elusive and unpredictable. One day, he’s all about hanging out and spending time together; the next, he’s too busy, working late, or just not available. 

And, oddly enough, it often seems like he’s especially unavailable on weekends or holidays—prime time for couples to be together.

He may have valid reasons for his unavailability, but if it’s a consistent pattern, you might be dealing with a player. 

They are known to juggle multiple people at the same time, which would explain his irregular schedule and sporadic appearances.

Remember, a genuine person who’s interested in you will make time for you. If he’s always too busy or hard to pin down, he may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

9. He’s Not Really There for You

Emotional availability is a crucial part of any relationship. But with a player, you might find that while he’s there for the fun times, he’s noticeably absent during the challenging ones. 

You see, players are all about the good times, the thrill, and the passion, but when things get tough or you need emotional support, they’re nowhere to be found.

Maybe you’ve noticed this when you’re having a bad day, going through some personal issues, or when you’re just not in the mood for fun. 

Suddenly, the charming guy who was always around seems to have vanished into thin air.

A relationship isn’t just about the sunny days and good times. It’s also about being there for each other during the storms. If he’s not there during your moments of need, it’s a telling sign.

10. Your Gut Tells You So

Should you date a player?

Esteemed psychotherapist and author of The Wisdom of Anxiety Sheryl Paul, M.A. states, 

“The wisdom of the ages teaches that the body is a trustworthy guide, the physical incarnation of intuition.”

One of the most significant signs that he’s a player is a little harder to quantify. It’s your intuition, that gut feeling, the inner voice that something just isn’t right. And let me tell you, that voice is worth listening to.

Maybe it’s a combination of the signs we’ve talked about, or perhaps it’s something less tangible. Either way, if you consistently feel uneasy or suspicious, don’t dismiss those feelings. 

Your intuition is your internal warning system and is often more accurate than you might think.

Remember, it’s natural to feel some uncertainty in the early stages of dating, but ongoing doubts or concerns are worth addressing. Don’t ignore your gut feeling; it’s often the best judge.

The Key Takeaway 

Recognizing a player isn’t always straightforward. They are, after all, masters of manipulation and charm. 

But by keeping an eye out for these warning signs and trusting your instincts, you can avoid getting played and find the sincere, meaningful relationship you deserve.

In the end, everyone deserves respect, honesty, and genuine love in a relationship. If your guy exhibits several of these warning signs, it might be time to reconsider if he’s worth your time. 

After all, you deserve someone who values you for who you are, not a player who’s playing games with your heart.


1. What should I do if I think the guy I’m dating is a player?

First and foremost, trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t dismiss it. Have an open and honest conversation about your concerns. 

If his actions and responses don’t alleviate your concerns, it might be best to move on. Remember, you deserve someone who values you and is upfront about their intentions.

2. Can a player change and want a serious relationship?

While it’s possible for a person to change their behavior, it typically requires a sincere desire to do so, along with time and effort. 

Someone who’s been playing the field may eventually want a serious relationship, but they would need to show consistent, meaningful change over time. Be cautious about assuming you can change someone.

3. How can I protect myself from getting played?

To protect yourself from players, it’s important to set clear boundaries, communicate openly about your expectations, and watch for red flags. 

It’s also crucial to maintain your sense of self and independence, ensuring your happiness and self-esteem don’t depend solely on the person you’re dating.

4. Is it wrong to date a player if I’m aware of their intentions?

That depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re not interested in a serious relationship and are okay with the player’s behaviors and intentions, that’s your decision to make. 

However, it’s important to be honest with yourself and make sure you’re not getting hurt or compromising your values in the process.

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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