Finding out that a guy who chose to stay with his wife is still reaching out to you can make you feel like you’re stuck in a weird movie.
You might wonder why he’s still trying to keep in touch when he’s already made such a big decision.
It’s confusing, right?
This article is going to talk about what might be going on in his head and what you can do about it.
First off, it’s important to know you’re not alone in feeling this way. A lot of people have been through similar situations.
When someone keeps coming back into your life even after making a clear choice to be with someone else, it can throw you for a loop.
You might feel happy to hear from him but also a bit sad or even frustrated because you’re not sure what his intentions are.
We’ll help you understand some of the reasons he might still be contacting you and give you tips on how to handle it.
Whether it’s setting boundaries, figuring out what you really want, or just moving on, you’ve got options.
Remember, it’s all about what makes you feel comfortable and happy in the end.
11 Reasons Why He Still Contacts You After Choosing His Wife
1. He Enjoys the Attention
Sometimes, the reason is as simple as enjoying the attention.
Everyone likes to feel wanted and admired, and he might be reaching out to you for that extra boost.
It’s kind of like when someone compliments your new haircut; it just makes you feel good.
He might be getting something from his interactions with you that he’s not getting elsewhere, and that’s why he keeps the communication going.
Keeping in touch could be his way of ensuring he still has that connection where he feels appreciated and validated.
While it might boost his ego, it’s important to think about what you’re getting out of it.
Are these interactions making you happy, or are they just leaving you confused and stuck?
And here’s a thought – while it’s nice to be the person who makes someone else feel good, your role isn’t to be someone’s cheerleader, especially if it costs you your peace. You have your own needs and feelings to consider.
Ensuring you’re not just an ego boost for him means setting boundaries that keep you from feeling used or undervalued.
2. He’s Not Entirely Satisfied
Another possibility? He might be reaching out because he’s seeking something he feels is missing in his marriage.
It’s not always about romance or physical attraction; sometimes, people look for emotional support, validation, or excitement they feel their current relationship lacks.
This situation can be tricky because it places you in the middle of his marital issues, which is not a fair position. He needs to address these feelings with his wife or a professional counselor rather than seeking solace outside his marriage.
Healthy relationships are built on open communication and working through challenges together, not avoiding them.
And let’s be real – being the person he turns to might feel special at first, but it’s a slippery slope that can lead to complicated emotions and situations.
You deserve to be more than just a stopgap for someone else’s marital dissatisfaction. Make sure you’re not sacrificing your emotional well-being for a situation that isn’t meant to last.
3. He’s Unsure About His Decision
He might still be in contact because he’s unsure about his decision to stay with his wife.
Making a choice like that is huge, and doubt can creep in, especially if his feelings for you were strong.
But here’s the thing – it’s unfair to you to be kept in a holding pattern while he figures things out.
You deserve clarity and commitment, not to be someone’s backup plan. It’s vital for him to take responsibility for his choices and for you to protect your heart and prioritize your happiness.
Remember, you’re entitled to a relationship that brings you joy and security, not confusion and second-guessing.
If his continued contact is causing more harm than good, it might be time to set boundaries or step back altogether. After all, your well-being and peace of mind should always come first.
4. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO isn’t just about social events; it can apply to people, too. He might be keeping in touch because he’s worried about missing out on something special with you.
He might fear that if he cuts off contact, he’ll miss an opportunity with you, whether it’s friendship, support, or even just knowing how your life is unfolding.
This fear can make him hold onto connections, even when he’s made a significant decision like choosing to be with his wife.
It shows a lack of commitment to his choice and a reluctance to fully embrace his current path.
For you, it means being in an unfair position where you’re part of his life, but not really in the way you might want or deserve.
Understanding FOMO can help you see the situation more clearly. It’s okay to want more for yourself than being someone’s ‘just in case.’
You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not an option they’re afraid to lose out on. Recognizing this can empower you to make decisions that prioritize your own emotional well-being.
[Related: “He Ended It But Still Contacts Me”. Here’s Why]
5. Habit
If you two shared a lot of moments and conversations in the past, he might find himself reaching out to you out of habit, rather than a conscious decision.
Breaking habits, especially those tied to emotional connections, isn’t easy.
He might not even realize he’s doing it, or why, but both of you need to recognize when patterns from the past are dictating current actions.
This realization can be the first step in making a change.
For you, understanding this can help you decide how to respond. Do you continue to be part of this habit, or do you encourage a break in the pattern for the sake of both your futures?
Sometimes, stepping back and breaking the cycle is the healthiest option, allowing both of you to move forward more intentionally.
6. Guilt
Guilt can also play a big role. If he feels guilty about how things ended between you two or the choices he’s made, keeping in touch might be his way of easing that guilt.
It’s like when you say sorry to someone not because you want to fix things, but because it makes you feel better about yourself.
He might be reaching out to you to lessen his own feelings of regret or remorse.
This kind of guilt-driven contact can be confusing and isn’t a solid foundation for any kind of relationship.
It’s more about him trying to soothe his conscience than about what’s good for you or even what you might want from him.
Understanding that guilt might be driving his actions can give you a clearer perspective. It’s crucial to remember that you’re not responsible for managing his feelings of guilt, nor should you be a tool for him to feel better about his decisions.
Your priority should be your emotional health and moving forward in a way that brings you joy and peace.
7. He Values Your Friendship
Believe it or not, he might genuinely value the friendship you two have built.
Sometimes, connections transcend romantic feelings, and he could be reaching out because he misses that unique bond you share.
These connections are rare, and he might not be ready to let that go, even if he’s committed to staying faithful to his wife.
Maintaining a friendship after having a more complex relationship isn’t easy, and it requires clear boundaries. He might be contacting you because he trusts you and feels comfortable talking about life’s ups and downs.
It’s important, though, to keep things transparent and respectful, especially considering his marital status.
Both of you need to be on the same page about what this friendship means to avoid any misunderstandings.
But here’s the kicker – just because he wants to keep the friendship alive doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for you. It’s crucial to consider your feelings and whether this arrangement is preventing you from moving on.
Sometimes, the healthiest option is to create distance, allowing both of you to focus on your paths.
8. Curiosity About Your Life
Curiosity might be getting the better of him. Just like when you can’t help but check out a friend’s social media to see what they’ve been up to, he might be reaching out to satisfy his curiosity about your life.
He could be wondering how you’re doing, what’s new with you, and whether you’ve moved on. This curiosity, while natural, can lead to mixed signals if he’s already made a significant choice to be with his wife.
Keeping tabs on someone out of curiosity isn’t fair to either party involved. It can prevent both of you from fully living in the present and investing in your current relationships.
While it’s normal to wonder about people from our past, acting on that curiosity can complicate things, especially when commitments to others are involved.
Recognize that curiosity should not dictate actions that affect other people’s emotions. If his reaching out is more about satisfying his curiosity than maintaining a genuine friendship, it might be time to set boundaries.
Ensuring that your interactions are healthy and respectful of all relationships involved is key to moving forward.
9. Comfort in Familiarity
Reaching out might also be about finding comfort in something familiar.
When life gets tough or uncertain, it’s natural to seek out people who once played a significant role in our lives.
You represent a time in his life that he understands and feels comfortable with, which might be why he keeps coming back. It’s similar to rewatching your favorite movie because you know you’ll enjoy it.
However, seeking comfort in the past can hinder personal growth and the development of current relationships.
While it’s comforting to connect with someone who knows you well, relying on these connections can keep both of you from fully embracing the present and future.
Understanding the appeal of familiarity can help you navigate these interactions. It’s important to consider whether these exchanges are truly beneficial or if they’re holding you back from finding new sources of comfort and happiness in your current life.
[Interesting: “Why Did My Ex Call Me Late at Night?”: 10 Surprising Reasons]
10. Unresolved Feelings
Even though he chose to be with his wife, emotions aren’t always black and white. He could be confused, still caring for you in some way, yet trying to honor his commitment.
Dealing with unresolved feelings can be messy and challenging. It requires honesty, both with oneself and with all parties involved. Ignoring these feelings won’t make them go away; they need to be addressed directly.
If unresolved feelings are at play, he must reflect on what he truly wants and for you to protect your emotional well-being.
You deserve clarity, not to be stuck in a situation where his indecision impacts your life.
Moving forward might mean having a candid conversation about these feelings or deciding to distance yourself to allow healing and growth.
11. Seeking Validation
Sometimes, the drive to reach out stems from a need for validation. He might be looking to you to reassure him about his choices or to boost his self-esteem.
We all crave validation to some extent, wanting to feel good about our decisions and ourselves.
It’s similar to looking for feedback after making a big decision, hoping to hear you did the right thing.
However, seeking validation from someone outside of his marriage, especially in delicate situations, can be problematic.
It places you in an uncomfortable position and can blur the lines of appropriate interactions.
Validation should come from within oneself and from those within his committed relationship.
Recognizing the need for validation as a possible reason for his contact can shift how you see these interactions.
Both of you need to find validation in healthier ways, focusing on self-growth and the relationships you’ve chosen to commit to.
Remember, your worth and value should never depend on fulfilling someone else’s need for reassurance.
What To Do When A Man Chooses His Wife But Still Contacts You
1. Set Boundaries
First things first, setting boundaries is crucial. Let him know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.
If his contacting you makes you feel uneasy or just plain confused, it’s okay to say so.
You have every right to protect your peace and emotional well-being. It’s like telling someone not to drop by your house unannounced. You’re just making sure your space is respected.
Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” but also about making clear what kind of communication (if any) you’re okay with.
Maybe you’re alright with catching up once in a blue moon but nothing more. Or perhaps it’s best to cut off communication altogether.
Either way, you’re in the driver’s seat, and it’s up to you to steer this ship in a direction that feels right for you.
2. Reflect on What You Want
Take a moment to really think about what you want out of this.
Do you want to remain friends, or would you rather move on completely?
It’s important to listen to your gut feeling here. If keeping in touch brings up old feelings or messes with your head, it might be a sign to take a step back.
You deserve to feel happy and secure, not stuck in a cycle of what-ifs and maybes.
Remember, it’s totally fine if what you want changes over time. Maybe right now, you’re okay with being friends, but down the line, you realize it’s not working for you. That’s alright.
Life is all about learning and growing. The key is to be honest with yourself and make choices that bring you peace and joy, not confusion and stress.
3. Communicate Clearly
If you decide to keep some form of contact, make sure your communication is crystal clear.
So, if you’ve agreed to be friends, keep the conversation friendly and steer clear of topics that could lead back to old romantic territory.
On the flip side, if you’ve decided that cutting off communication is the best move, be clear and firm about it. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic goodbye.
A simple, “I think it’s best for both of us if we don’t keep in touch” will do. It’s all about making sure both of you understand where you stand, leaving no room for mixed signals or misunderstandings.
4. Focus on Yourself
Lastly, don’t forget to put yourself first. Use this as an opportunity to focus on your own needs, goals, and happiness.
Dive into hobbies, spend time with friends and family, or just enjoy some much-needed me-time.
It’s like hitting the refresh button; sometimes, you need to step back, take a deep breath, and refocus on what makes you feel good.
And remember, it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or even a professional if you’re finding it hard to navigate your feelings.
Sometimes, talking it out can provide clarity and help you see the best path forward for yourself. You’ve got this, and with time, you’ll find your way to a place that feels right for you.