Insecurities, small and big, can creep into our minds, especially when they’re stoked by someone we deeply care about.
They can cloud the joy and happiness we derive from the relationship, making us question our self-worth and even the very foundation of the partnership.
We all enter relationships with the hope and intention of feeling loved and valued.
But when those feelings of safety and affirmation start to crumble because of unkind words or actions, it becomes a tough pill to swallow.
Sometimes, the person we expect to lift us up can inadvertently or even intentionally knock us down.
And when this person is your boyfriend, the very individual you’ve chosen to share intimate parts of your life with, it becomes even more challenging.
In this article, we’ll help you understand the best way to handle your boyfriend making you feel insecure.
How to Deal With A Boyfriend Who Makes You Feel Insecure
1. Evaluate His Personality (Shitty People Put Others Down)
Some people naturally have a critical nature. They may come off as dismissive or negative without intending to hurt others.
It’s essential to distinguish between someone who’s occasionally thoughtless and someone who purposely puts others down to feel better about themselves.
Look at his behavior with friends, family, and strangers. Is he always negative and critical? If he consistently demeans others and has a superiority complex, it’s a glaring red flag.
His behavior with you is likely not an isolated incident but a reflection of his broader personality.
Just like any other relationship, there’s always a learning curve. Maybe he doesn’t realize how his words and actions affect you.
But if his intentions are to deliberately make you feel inferior or unsure about yourself, then it’s an entirely different ballgame.
Relationships are supposed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and support. While no one is perfect, deliberately hurting someone you care about goes against the very essence of a loving relationship.
2. Reflect on The Specific Things That Make You Feel Insecure
Reflecting on this will not only help you communicate better but will also assist in understanding yourself.
Is it a specific comment about your appearance, your intelligence, or your capabilities? Or is it a comparison with someone else?
Identifying the exact words or actions can make a significant difference in how you address the issue.
Your feelings are valid. Insecurity can be debilitating, making you doubt every decision and every step you take. Recognize that your boyfriend’s comments are not an accurate reflection of your worth.
Remember your achievements, your strengths, and the love and respect that friends and family have for you.
However, reflection shouldn’t just be about identifying problems. It should also be about growth.
While it’s not your fault that your boyfriend makes you feel this way, reflecting can help you become more resilient and self-assured.
Developing a strong sense of self-worth will make you less vulnerable to external opinions.
3. Talk To Him About How You Feel
Find a quiet, comfortable space where you both can talk without distractions. Express how his words or actions make you feel without attacking him.
It’s possible he’s unaware of the impact of his actions. Giving him specific instances can offer clarity. Also let him know what’s unacceptable and that mutual respect is non-negotiable.
While it’s crucial to express yourself, also be prepared to listen. Understand his perspective. It’s possible he might have underlying reasons or insecurities of his own.
[Read: 7 Obvious Signs He Doesn’t Like You]
4. Think Whether Your Insecurity Is His Fault or Yours
When navigating feelings of insecurity in a relationship, it’s essential to discern where they originate.
Is your boyfriend the primary source, or do these feelings stem from personal insecurities you’ve grappled with for a while?
Reflect on previous relationships and interactions. Did similar feelings arise then?
Are there patterns in your life where you’ve felt similarly insecure, even without anyone’s comments or actions triggering them?
Your past experiences, upbringing, and previous relationships can play a significant role in how you perceive yourself. Maybe there are unresolved issues or traumas that manifest as insecurity.
It’s not about placing blame on yourself, but rather understanding the deeper layers of your feelings.
Addressing and healing these deep-seated emotions can profoundly transform your relationship with yourself and others.
On the other hand, if you’ve always been confident and self-assured, and these feelings of insecurity have only surfaced in this relationship, then it’s a clear indication that your boyfriend’s actions or words are the catalyst.
In such a case, it’s even more critical to address the issue with him, as discussed in the previous points.
Understanding the root of the problem is half the battle. Once you identify it, you can take concrete steps towards resolution and healing.
5. Consider Whether or Not You Can Continue With Him
After taking all the necessary steps, it’s time to evaluate the future of your relationship.
Can you both grow and change together? Has he shown genuine remorse and a commitment to change?
Or are his negative patterns too ingrained? Sometimes love isn’t enough, especially if it’s causing harm.
If, after discussions and giving him a chance, his behavior doesn’t change, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
Being with someone who continually undermines your self-worth can have long-term consequences on your mental health and happiness.
[Interesting: 12 Signs He Is Forcing Himself to Love You]
5 Signs Your Boyfriend is the One Causing You to Feel Insecure
Relationships can be our greatest source of happiness, but they can also become our greatest source of pain, especially when one partner intentionally or unintentionally sows seeds of insecurity.
How do you know if it’s your boyfriend’s actions causing these feelings? Here are five signs to look out for:
1. He Consistently Belittles Your Achievements
Whenever you achieve something noteworthy, instead of celebrating with you, he downplays it or makes it seem insignificant.
It’s as though he cannot bear to see you succeed or feel good about yourself. This behavior can be very subtle, like a sarcastic comment or a dismissive gesture.
Over time, this consistent negativity can chip away at your confidence.
The core of any healthy relationship is mutual respect and admiration. When that’s missing, it’s hard to feel secure and valued.
2. He Compares You Unfavorably To Others
Comparison, they say, is the thief of joy. He might consistently point out how other women are “better” in certain aspects, be it their looks, their careers, or their personalities.
These comparisons are rarely benign; they’re meant to make you feel less than. By constantly measuring you against others, he ensures you’re always chasing validation.
Relationships should be about building each other up, not tearing each other down. Constant comparisons can foster resentment and erode the bond you share.
3. He Frequently Points Out Your Flaws
Constructive criticism from a place of love is one thing, but consistently highlighting flaws, especially in a demeaning manner, is entirely different.
Maybe he comments about your weight, your dressing sense, or your intelligence. These remarks, often cloaked as “just jokes” or “teasing”, can deeply hurt your self-esteem.
While everyone has room for growth, it’s one thing to receive feedback from a loving place and another to be constantly criticized.
Moreover, this pattern can lead to a toxic cycle where you’re constantly seeking his approval and changing yourself to fit his mold. Genuine love is unconditional.
4. He Uses Affection As a Tool For Manipulation
Withholding affection, be it physical or emotional, is a manipulation tactic.
He might become distant after an argument, refusing to communicate until you apologize, even when you’re not in the wrong.
This leaves you in a constant state of anxiety, never knowing where you stand.
In a healthy relationship, both partners feel secure in the knowledge that they’re loved and valued. Love isn’t a weapon to be wielded but a bond to be nurtured.
Using affection as a bargaining chip damages the trust and intimacy that are so crucial in a partnership.
5. He Discourages You From Spending Time With Loved Ones
A classic sign of a controlling partner is their attempt to isolate you from friends and family.
He might disguise it as wanting to spend more time together, but the real aim is to cut off your support system.
By doing so, he ensures that he becomes the primary influence in your life, making it easier for him to sow seeds of doubt and insecurity.
Your friends and family are integral parts of your life. They offer a different perspective, and their love and support can be invaluable, especially during tough times.
Anyone who tries to sever these ties is not looking out for your best interest.
5 Signs You’re The One With Insecurity Issues
When dealing with personal insecurities, it’s easy to blame external factors or people. But sometimes the root of the problem might be within.
Let’s dive into some signs that you might be battling insecurity issues in your relationship:
1. You Often Seek Validation
You constantly look to your boyfriend for affirmation. Compliments, reassurances, and signs of affection become a necessity rather than a bonus.
Every action of his is dissected for signs of love and approval.
Relying heavily on someone else’s opinion can be emotionally exhausting, not just for you but also for your partner.
He might feel pressured to always say or do the right thing, fearing any misstep could upset you. Self-worth is an inside job, and no amount of external validation can truly fill that void.
2. You Over-analyze Every Situation
A missed call, a delayed text, or a casual comment can send you into a spiral of negative thoughts.
Overthinking every interaction and reading too much into things can be an indicator of underlying insecurities.
Instead of taking things at face value, you might find hidden meanings or threats where none exist.
Overanalyzing can create problems where none existed. It can lead to unnecessary arguments and strain, as your partner feels like he’s always under scrutiny.
Relationships thrive in an atmosphere of trust, and overthinking can erode that foundation.
[Also Read: 5 Signs of Low Self-esteem Issues in a Partner]
3. You Avoid Confrontation
The mere thought of an argument or disagreement fills you with dread, fearing it might end the relationship.
So, you suppress your feelings, accept things you’re uncomfortable with, and avoid confrontations.
While harmony is good, avoiding genuine issues for the sake of peace points to deep-seated fears of abandonment or rejection.
By avoiding confrontations, you’re not genuinely resolving issues but merely postponing them. Over time, these suppressed feelings can lead to resentment and bigger problems.
A loving relationship can withstand disagreements. It’s about mutual respect and understanding.
Voicing your concerns or setting boundaries is not only okay but also vital for your well-being.
4. You Feel Threatened By Other People In His Life
Be it his friends, colleagues, or even family members, their closeness with him triggers feelings of jealousy or inadequacy.
You might fear he’ll find someone better or that he prefers their company over yours. These feelings can lead to possessiveness or constant anxiety about your place in his life.
Jealousy and possessiveness can stifle a relationship. Your boyfriend has a life beyond the relationship, and it’s healthy for him to have varied interactions and bonds.
By feeling threatened, you not only strain your relationship but also isolate him from his support system.
5. You Often Feel Undeserving of Love
No matter how loving and committed your boyfriend is, there’s this nagging voice that tells you it’s too good to be true.
You often feel like you’re not good enough for him or that someday he’ll realize he can do better. This feeling of not being “enough” is a hallmark sign of deep-rooted insecurities.
Love isn’t about being perfect or ticking all the boxes. It’s about connection, understanding, and mutual growth.
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