Have you ever heard the saying, “too much of a good thing can be bad?” Well, sometimes, that can be true in relationships too.
Relationships should make us feel happy, safe, and loved. But every now and then, what starts as care and attention can become something that’s not so good: obsession.
Sure, everyone wants a boyfriend who cares about them, listens to them, and wants to spend time with them. But there’s a difference between a caring boyfriend and an obsessive one.
An obsessive boyfriend might want to know where you are all the time, or he might get upset if you spend time with other people.
And that’s not all. Here are thirteen signs of an obsessive boyfriend.
1. He’s Always Around, Even When You Need Space
When two people are in love, they do enjoy each other’s company. But then, there’s a difference between wanting to be with someone and needing to be with someone every single moment.
Imagine you tell him you need some time to yourself, perhaps to read or just unwind.
If he finds it hard to respect that, hovering around you or finding reasons to disrupt your alone time, then that’s a sign.
Relationships thrive on mutual respect. If he’s always around, even when you’ve explicitly stated you need your space, it becomes less about affection and more about control.
Everyone needs time alone, time to reflect, time to just be. And if that’s being continuously interrupted, it can feel claustrophobic.
A partner’s constant presence should feel comforting, not stifling.
2. Every Single Plan Has to Involve You
Imagine he’s meeting his friends, ones he’s known forever, and out of the blue, he insists you come along. Even for things you have no interest in.
Or he’s shopping for something super specific and asks you to tag along. Sure, wanting to spend time together is sweet, but should every plan revolve around you?
When every single activity or plan has to involve you, it’s worth reflecting upon. It’s not just about wanting to share experiences, but an inability to do things without you.
Relationships are about sharing lives, not merging lives to an extent where individuality fades.
People should not lose their sense of self in a relationship. Both partners should have their interests, plans, and friends. While shared experiences are crucial, so is individual growth.
3. Your Phone Is No Longer Private
Sharing funny memes, watching videos, or playing games together on your phone can be a fun couple’s activity. But what if he starts scrolling through your messages? Or checking your call logs?
That’s where the line gets crossed.
A phone, in many ways, is a personal space. Just like how one shouldn’t rummage through someone’s diary, one shouldn’t snoop through someone’s phone.
Trust is foundational in a relationship. And if he feels the need to ‘check’ your phone, it’s not just about curiosity. It’s a sign of insecurity and, more importantly, a lack of trust.
In a relationship, boundaries need to be respected. If one feels the need to ‘keep tabs’ through the other’s phone, it’s a reflection of deeper issues that need addressing.
[Related: When Your Boyfriend Keeps Asking You For Money (7 Reasons & What to Do)
4. The Green-Eyed Monster Appears Too Often
Feeling jealous once in a while, let’s face it, it’s human. But what if he gets jealous every time you speak to someone new? Or if you’re just talking about a childhood friend?
Jealousy, when frequent and intense, can be suffocating.
Intense jealousy is not just about protecting the relationship; it’s about control.
If he’s questioning every interaction you have or seems overly concerned about your colleagues or friends, it indicates a deeper insecurity.
This isn’t the protective kind of love but a love that seeks to control.
5. Constant Need for Affirmations
It’s beautiful to reassure one another. Little notes, texts, or just words that remind each other of the love shared.
But what if he needs it all the time? What if every other conversation revolves around him asking whether you love him?
Continuous need for reassurances can be draining. It’s not just about expressing love but an underlying insecurity that needs constant validation.
A relationship should be a source of strength, and while it’s okay to seek reassurances during tough times, it shouldn’t be the norm.
Love is as much about understanding as it is about expression. If he constantly seeks validation, it’s essential to communicate and understand the root cause.
6. His Dreams Start Mirroring Yours
At the start, it might seem endearing. You talk about wanting to learn salsa, and suddenly he’s signed up for a class.
You mention a dream destination, and he’s already looking for tickets. But over time, you notice a pattern.
It’s one thing to share dreams and another to adopt someone else’s. If all his aspirations suddenly start looking like a mirror reflection of yours, it’s a sign of an obsessive boyfriend.
Having shared goals is wonderful, but so is having personal aspirations. Love should be about mutual growth, not one overshadowing the other.
7. His Social Media Revolves Around You
Have you ever scrolled through his social media and felt like you were looking at your own? While it’s adorable to have those couple posts now and then, there’s a line.
If every single post, update, or story is solely about you or the relationship, it might be time to reflect.
A healthy relationship isn’t just about flaunting love but also cherishing the private moments, the ones just for the two of you.
Over-reliance on public affirmations, especially on platforms like social media, can hint at deeper insecurities or the need to ‘prove’ something.
[Read: “My Boyfriend And I Don’t Have Meaningful Conversations” What To Do]
8. Overstepping Friend Boundaries
So, he’s suddenly best friends with all your friends. While that can seem endearing initially, there might be more beneath the surface.
Is he trying to be a part of every group activity? Does he get upset when you want a girls’ night out?
Building relationships with a partner’s friends is essential. However, attempting to be involved in every facet of your social life, especially at the cost of your personal time with friends, can hint at obsession.
It’s essential for partners to maintain their friendships and have moments where they can be themselves outside the relationship context.
Over-involvement in your friendships might be a sign of trying to control or monitor your social interactions, which is what an obsessive boyfriend would do.
9. Overwhelming Amount of Surprises
Who doesn’t love surprises? A surprise date, gift, or even just a heartfelt note can make one’s day. But imagine getting surprised every single day or even multiple times a day.
It might start feeling less like gestures of love and more like attempts to keep you constantly engaged.
Surprises, when done incessantly, can become a means to divert attention, especially if they’re used to cover up for other relationship issues.
It might be his way of trying to constantly keep you happy, but it can also indicate an obsessive need to keep the relationship in a perpetual state of ‘high’.
It’s the little, consistent, everyday gestures that make a relationship special. While surprises are wonderful, they should not overshadow genuine moments of connection and understanding.
10. He Tracks Your Location Constantly
You’re out grabbing a coffee or meeting a friend, and you receive a text from him asking why you’re at that specific cafe or place.
Initially, it might seem like he’s just being protective or caring. But if this becomes a consistent pattern, it’s a huge red flag. Nobody should feel monitored in a relationship.
Constantly checking on your location isn’t about care; it’s about control, a sign that your boyfriend is obsessive.
It’s one thing to share whereabouts for safety, especially if you’re traveling or heading somewhere new.
But if every movement is under scrutiny, it reflects a lack of trust and an obsessive need to always know what you’re up to.
Trust forms the foundation of any healthy relationship. If one partner feels the need to track the other’s every move, it’s essential to sit down and discuss these insecurities and boundaries.
[Interesting: “Should I Leave My Boyfriend Because He’s Broke?” 10 Things To Consider]
11. You Can’t Have Secrets or Personal Thoughts
Remember those personal journals or diaries you maintained? Or those tiny secrets you shared only with your closest friend? Well, suddenly, it seems you can’t have them anymore.
Every thought, every feeling, needs to be laid out for him. While sharing is a significant aspect of any relationship, it’s equally essential to respect personal boundaries.
Every individual has their thoughts, feelings, or experiences that they might want to keep to themselves, not out of deceit, but simply because they’re personal.
If he expects you to share every tiny detail of your life, even things you’re uncomfortable discussing, it leans more towards obsession than genuine interest.
12. His Mood is Entirely Dependent on Yours
Ever noticed those days when you’re feeling a little low, and suddenly he’s down in the dumps too? Or perhaps you’re elated about something, and his mood skyrockets as well.
While partners often influence each other’s emotions, it’s essential that each person retains their emotional independence.
If his entire emotional state seems to hinge on yours, it indicates an unhealthy level of dependency. While empathy is essential in relationships, an extreme level of emotional mirroring can lead to a lack of personal emotional stability.
Every individual needs to process emotions in their own way, without it being overly dependent on their partner’s feelings.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding and empathy. However, it’s also crucial for both partners to maintain their emotional well-being, independent of each other’s moods.
13. He’s Highly Critical of Your Other Relationships
Family, friends, colleagues – these relationships form an integral part of who we are.
Now, imagine if he starts criticizing these bonds consistently, suggesting that some friends aren’t good for you or that family members don’t understand your relationship.
While it’s natural for partners to have opinions about each other’s friends or family, an obsessive need to critique or control these relationships is concerning.
It can often be a strategy to isolate you from other meaningful connections, ensuring that he becomes the central figure in your life.
Connections outside of a romantic relationship, be it with family, friends, or colleagues, provide support, perspective, and a broader understanding of life.
If he seems intent on critiquing or undervaluing these relationships, it’s essential to recognize this behavior and address it. Healthy love should never demand isolation from other forms of love and connection.
What causes obsession in a boyfriend?
Obsession in a boyfriend can stem from multiple reasons, each varying from one individual to another. However, some common factors can trigger obsessive behavior.
1. Insecurity and Low Self-esteem:
At the root of many obsessive tendencies lies a deep-seated feeling of insecurity. Someone with low self-esteem might constantly seek validation and assurance from their partner.
Their worth becomes intertwined with the relationship, causing them to overcompensate with obsessive behaviors to prevent any perceived threats.
2. Past Traumas:
Past experiences, especially those related to abandonment or rejection, can induce obsessive patterns in relationships.
If someone has faced betrayal or abrupt endings in previous relationships, they might develop obsessive behaviors to avoid re-experiencing such pain.
3. Fear of Abandonment:
Tied closely with past traumas, a deep fear of being left or abandoned can cause someone to become overly controlling or possessive in their relationships. They might constantly seek affirmation of commitment from their partner.
4. Desire for Control:
Some individuals have an innate need to control their environment, including their relationships.
This could be due to past experiences where they felt powerless, or simply a personality trait. Such individuals might manifest obsessive tendencies to ensure everything is within their control.
How to handle an obsessed boyfriend?
Dealing with an obsessed boyfriend can be challenging, but with the right approach, it’s manageable.
1. Talk to Him About Your Worries:
Start by having an honest conversation with him about his behavior. Ensure it’s in a safe environment and express your feelings without being accusatory. Highlight specific instances that made you uncomfortable and explain why.
2. Set Boundaries:
It’s crucial to establish clear boundaries in any relationship. Make sure he understands what behaviors are unacceptable. While setting boundaries, be firm yet compassionate.
3. Reevaluate the Relationship:
When all efforts to address and manage the obsessive behaviors fail, it might be time to consider if the relationship is beneficial for both parties. Sometimes, taking a break or ending the relationship can be the healthiest decision for both individuals.
- All photos from freepik.com