When you’re in a relationship with someone who’s incarcerated, things can get pretty complicated.
You’re dealing with a unique set of challenges, and sometimes, it’s hard to tell if the connection you feel is genuine. It’s crucial to be aware of the signs that might indicate you’re being used.
After all, maintaining a relationship with an inmate requires a lot of emotional investment, and it’s important to know where you truly stand.
In this article, we dive into some key indicators that might suggest an inmate is using you. These signs are important to recognize for anyone in this situation.
1. Constantly Asking for Favors
First off, keep an eye on the nature of your conversations.
Are they primarily centered around requests for favors, especially those involving money or legal help?
While supporting a partner is normal, it becomes problematic when it’s one-sided, leaning heavily towards fulfilling their needs.
A healthy relationship involves give and take, where both parties’ needs are equally considered.
This pattern can be subtle, so it’s crucial to reflect on your conversations. Are most of your interactions initiated by a need they have? If so, the relationship might be more transactional than romantic.
Healthy connections thrive on shared experiences, emotional support, and mutual affection, not just on what one party can gain from the other.
If you find yourself feeling more like a resource than a romantic partner, it’s a sign to reassess the relationship’s balance. Relationships should bring joy and support to both people, not leave one feeling used.
2. Lack of Personal Information
In any budding romance, sharing personal details is part of the deal.
But if your inmate partner is vague about their life, or avoids sharing personal information, it’s worth wondering why.
Are they opening up to you, or just keeping things surface level?
It’s normal to be a little guarded at first, but as you grow closer, walls should start coming down.
If they’re not sharing much about their past, their family, or what led them to their current situation, you might be missing a big piece of the puzzle.
A healthy relationship involves getting to know each other on a deeper level.
If they dodge your questions or give generic answers, it could be a sign they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Relationships are about getting to know the real person, not just the version they want to show.
3. The Relationship Feels Rushed
Let’s talk pace. If things are moving super fast, like they’re already talking love and a future together after just a few letters or visits, pump the brakes a bit.
Love can happen quickly, sure, but in such a complex situation, it’s important to take time and not rush into things.
Rushing can be a tactic to hook you emotionally before you have the chance to think things through.
It’s important to take a step back and ask yourself if you really know this person.
Are your feelings based on a deep understanding, or are they still pretty much a mystery to you?
Hence, if you’re feeling pressured to make serious commitments early on, it’s a good idea to slow down and think about why things are moving so fast.
True connection takes time to build, especially under such unique circumstances.
4. Over-Reliance on You for Emotional Support
It’s great to be someone’s rock, but it shouldn’t be all on you.
If an inmate relies solely on you for emotional support, that can be draining and unfair. A healthy relationship involves give and take, not one person always doing the giving.
It’s especially tricky in a prison context. They’re in a tough environment, yes, but you shouldn’t be their only source of support.
If they don’t have other people to talk to or lean on, like family or friends, ask yourself why. Are they isolating you in the relationship?
Remember, being supportive is great, but you also have your own life and emotional needs.
It’s important to set boundaries and ensure that your emotional well-being isn’t being overlooked or overwhelmed.
A relationship should add to your life, not become a constant source of stress.
[Also Read: 12 Signs Of A Two-Faced Friend]
5. Vague About Release Plans
Talking about the future, specifically release plans, is a biggie in prison relationships.
When someone genuinely cares about you, they’ll share their dreams and how they envision life after prison, including you in those plans.
However, a lack of discussion about the future or vague responses when you bring it up can be telling. It might indicate they haven’t thought about a future with you outside the prison walls.
Consider the depth of their responses when you talk about post-release life. Are they excited, detailed, and inclusive of you in their plans? That’s a good sign.
On the other hand, vague and non-committal answers might suggest they’re not seeing the relationship as long-term. It’s important to know where you stand in their future.
Remember, a relationship is as much about tomorrow as it is about today. If your conversations lack this forward-looking perspective, it might be time to reevaluate where you fit into each other’s lives.
6. Evasiveness in Communication
When it comes to chatting with your prison partner, ever noticed how they skillfully dodge certain topics?
Say you ask about their past or how they’re really feeling, and suddenly, they’re changing the subject or giving you the vaguest answers.
That’s a signal something’s up.
You see, being open with each other is what glues a relationship together. When they’re always sidestepping the real talk, trust starts to wear thin.
It’s not like you’re trying to pry open their deepest secrets. But in a healthy relationship, sharing about each other’s lives comes naturally.
It helps you understand and connect on a deeper level.
Pay attention: when they clam up or swerve around certain discussions, it should make you wonder – are they all-in with this relationship, or are they holding back?
A solid chat goes both ways – you share, they share, and everyone feels heard.
But if you’re getting nothing but roundabout answers or straight-up silence, it’s a sign they might not be as committed or, let’s face it, they might be keeping things under wraps.
7. Over-Reliance on You for Emotional Support
Let’s talk about the emotional give-and-take in your relationship.
It’s great to be there for each other – that’s relationship 101.
But ever feel like you’re the go-to person for all their emotional unloading?
Like, they’re always leaning on you for support, reassurance, and a shoulder to lean on, but when you need the same, it’s like a one-way street to nowhere.
In any healthy relationship, both of you should be able to lean on each other. It’s like a game of emotional tag – you’re it, then they’re it.
If you find yourself always being ‘it’, carrying all the emotional weight, that’s a warning sign. It shouldn’t just be you patching up their rough days while yours go unnoticed.
So, if you’re feeling more like an emotional lifeguard rather than a partner, it’s time to rethink things. It’s crucial to find a balance.
Yes, support them, but don’t forget that your emotional health matters too. If you’re running on empty because you’re always giving and not getting anything back, it’s boundary-setting time.
A relationship is a team effort, not a solo rescue mission.
8. Your Conversations Revolve Around Prison Life
Ever notice how every chat with your prison partner circles back to prison life? It’s like you’re stuck in a loop.
Sure, it’s a significant part of their life, but relationships thrive on shared interests and experiences, not just the four walls they’re in.
If every conversation is about prison routines, issues, or gossip, it’s a hint that they might not be looking beyond their current situation.
In a well-rounded relationship, conversations wander – from the latest book you’ve read to that funny dog video you saw.
But here, if you’re constantly in prison-talk territory, it feels like you’re more of a sounding board than a partner.
You’re there to listen, sure, but you’re also there to share, laugh, and dream.
Therefore, if your talks feel like they’re on repeat, with little about your life or future plans, it’s a nudge to reevaluate.
9. They Rarely Acknowledge Your Life and Challenges
Think about it – when you share something about your day, does your prison partner tune in, or do they quickly steer the conversation back to themselves?
Your life, your challenges, your wins – they should matter just as much in this relationship.
Everything shouldn’t just be about them. Your life, with its ups and downs, deserves airtime too.
When you’re dealing with something tough, or you’re excited about something new, they should be there, cheering or comforting.
However, if they gloss over your news and shift back to their stuff, it’s like they’re saying, “It’s all about me.”
10. They Make Promises They Can’t Keep
Listen to the promises they make. Are they grand, over-the-top, and kind of unrealistic?
For instance, they’ll buy you a house or take you on a world tour once they’re out? It’s easy to get swept up in these dreamy promises, but let’s stay grounded.
In reality, they’re in a tough spot to make any big promises, especially ones that involve money or a drastic lifestyle change.
Promises are easy to make, especially when they’re in a situation where they feel they have little to lose.
But building a relationship on promises that are more air than substance isn’t just shaky – it’s like building on quicksand. You want something solid, something real.
11. Their Interest Peaks Around Visitation or Parole Times
Watch the patterns in their interest. Do they become super attentive and sweet around visitation times or when their parole hearing is coming up?
It’s like they’re suddenly all about you – but only when it’s convenient or beneficial for them. Relationships aren’t seasonal – they’re a full-time gig.
This pattern can be subtle. Maybe they’re extra charming before a visit, but once it’s over, they’re back to being distant or focused on their own needs.
It’s like you’re the flavor of the week, but only when they need that extra boost.
12. They Avoid Talking About Rehabilitation or Personal Growth
In a relationship with someone in prison, their personal growth and rehabilitation should be a topic of interest.
Are they taking steps to improve themselves, like enrolling in educational programs or attending counseling?
If these topics are no-go zones, and they’re not showing any interest in self-improvement, it raises questions about their commitment to change.
Rehabilitation isn’t just about serving time; it’s about transformation.
If they’re serious about building a life with you once they’re out, they should be putting in the work to make sure they’re ready for that life.
But if they’re avoiding this topic or showing no interest in making themselves better, it’s like they’re not preparing for a future, especially with you.
Hence, if conversations about their growth or rehabilitation are off the table, it’s a signal.
You want to be with someone who’s looking forward, and working on themselves, not someone who’s stuck and not interested in moving forward.
FAQs
Why Would an Inmate Want to Use Someone?
Inmates might want to use someone for various reasons, and often it’s tied to their situation in prison.
Being in prison can be tough and isolating, so some inmates look for connections on the outside to make their time easier.
This could be for emotional support, financial help, or just to have someone to talk to.
They might feel that having someone on the outside gives them a sense of normalcy or a link to the world beyond prison walls.
However, it’s important to recognize that not all inmates have ill intentions. Many genuinely seek companionship or a meaningful relationship.
But in cases where an inmate is using someone, it’s usually because they’re trying to fulfill certain needs or wants that are harder to satisfy in prison.
This could range from financial gain to simply having a distraction from their daily life in prison.
How Can I Tell if an Inmate is Genuine?
Figuring out if an inmate’s feelings are genuine can be challenging. One key indicator is balance in your conversations.
If they show equal interest in your life and experiences, not just focusing on their own needs or problems, that’s a good sign. It suggests they care about you as a person, not just what you can offer them.
Another thing to look out for is consistency.
Are they consistent in their words and actions?
Do they keep the promises they make, even small ones?
Genuine people will be as consistent as possible, even in difficult circumstances like being in prison.
They will also respect your boundaries and won’t pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with, like sending money or other favors.
What Should I Do if I Feel Used?
If you feel like you’re being used by an inmate, the first step is to set clear boundaries.
It’s important to communicate what you’re comfortable with and what crosses the line. If they’re asking for money or favors that make you uncomfortable, it’s okay to say no.
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding, not on one person’s needs.
Additionally, it might be helpful to seek advice from people you trust, like friends or family members, or even professionals who understand the dynamics of relationships with inmates.
They can offer perspective and advice on your situation. Remember, it’s important to prioritize your emotional and financial well-being in any relationship.
How Can I Support an Inmate Without Being Used?
Supporting an inmate without feeling used involves setting clear boundaries and understanding the difference between support and enabling.
You can offer emotional support through letters, calls, and visits, listening to them, and sharing your life with them. This kind of support is invaluable for inmates who often feel isolated.
However, be cautious with financial support or constant favors, as these can sometimes lead to unhealthy dynamics in the relationship.
It’s important to be aware of how much you’re giving and whether it’s being reciprocated in some form.
Remember, support is not just about giving; it’s also about building a healthy, balanced relationship where both parties feel valued and respected.