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Whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or family ties, the pain of being hurt by someone we care about can be difficult to overcome. 

It’s natural to want an apology, to seek validation for our pain, and to hope that the person who hurt us will show genuine remorse for their actions. Why?

When someone we care about hurts us, we often expect them to apologize and express regret for their actions. 

However, not all apologies are created equal, and some may not convey true remorse. If you’re wondering whether a guy who hurt you is truly sorry or just saying what he thinks you want to hear, it’s important to look beyond his words and examine his actions.

In this article, we’ll explore 13 signs that indicate a guy isn’t genuinely sorry for hurting you. These signs can help you identify whether he’s truly committed to repairing the damage he’s caused or whether he’s simply trying to smooth things over without actually taking responsibility for his actions.

1. He doesn’t apologize or express regret for his actions.

This is perhaps the most obvious sign that he’s not truly sorry. 

I mean, think about it – when we hurt someone we care about, the first thing most of us do is apologize and try to make things right. It’s a natural response that shows we understand the impact of our actions and we care about how the other person feels. 

But if he’s not even bothering to apologize or express any kind of regret, it’s a pretty good indication that he doesn’t care about how you feel or the pain he’s caused you. He’s simply brushing it off and acting like nothing happened,

2. He minimizes or dismisses your feelings about the situation.

So let’s say you’ve been hurt by your man and you confront them about it. You tell them how their actions made you feel, how it affected you, and how it hurt you. 

Now, if he genuinely cares about you and is sorry for what he did, he’ll listen to you and acknowledge your feelings.  But if they dismiss your feelings as if they don’t matter or aren’t valid, that’s a clear sign that they’re not sorry at all. 

It’s like he’s saying, “I don’t care how you feel or what you’re going through. I did what I did, and that’s that.” It’s frustrating, hurtful, and honestly, a bit disrespectful. 

It shows a lack of empathy and understanding, and it can make you feel like your feelings aren’t important to them. So, if you find yourself in a situation like this, take note. It may be time to reevaluate the relationship and whether this person truly has your best interests at heart.

[Related: 11 Tricks Easily to Spot a Liar, According to Psychologists]

3. He blames you for what happened.

Picture this: you’ve just confronted your partner about something that hurt you deeply. Instead of apologizing, he begins to blame you for what happened. 

Maybe he accuses you of being too sensitive or overreacting, or maybe he says that you provoked him. Whatever the case, it feels like you’re suddenly on the defensive, even though you’re the one who was hurt. 

This is a classic sign that someone is not truly sorry for what they did  to you. Blaming you for what happened shifts the focus away from their actions and puts the responsibility for the situation squarely on your shoulders. 

It’s a strategy for deflecting accountability and avoiding the discomfort of admitting fault. 

If your partner truly understood the pain they caused you, they would be more focused on listening to your feelings and taking responsibility for their role in what happened.

4. He continues to engage in harmful behavior.

You’ve been hurt by someone you care about, and they’ve apologized for their actions. 

At first, you feel relieved that they’ve acknowledged your pain and taken responsibility for their behavior. But then, you notice that they continue to engage in the same hurtful behavior. 

Maybe they promised to stop lying, but you catch them in another lie. Maybe they said they would stop being controlling, but they still try to dictate your every move. What’s going on here?

Well, let me tell you, my friend – this is a classic case of someone who is not truly sorry for hurting you. 

The thing is, if he was truly sorry for causing you pain, why would he continue to do the very thing that hurt you in the first place? It doesn’t make sense, right? It’s like they’re saying “I’m sorry” with their words, but their actions are telling a different story.

And this is a huge sign that their apology was nothing more than a shallow attempt to placate you and avoid accountability.

[Related: 7 Sneaky Signs of a Manipulative Apology]

5. He shows no effort to make amends or repair the damage.

When a guy is truly sorry for hurting you, he’ll go out of his way to make amends and try to repair the damage he’s caused. 

He’ll just feel this strong urge to set things right and make up for their actions. But if he’s not showing any effort to fix things, it could be a sign that he’s not really sorry for what he’s done.

For example, let’s say he forgot your anniversary or said something hurtful during an argument. If he were genuinely remorseful, he might plan a special date to make up for the missed anniversary or have a heartfelt conversation to apologize and work through the issues that led to the argument. 

But if he’s not doing any of that, it kind of feels like he doesn’t care about the pain he caused you or how it affected your relationship.

6. He acts defensively or aggressively when confronted about his behavior.

We tend to be more understanding and empathetic toward the other person’s feelings when we’re sorry for what we did. 

We want to make amends and try to resolve the problem. But when someone becomes defensive, it’s like they’re putting up a barrier to avoid admitting their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions.

In some cases, aggressive behavior might be a way for him to shift the focus away from his own actions and make it seem like you’re the one at fault for bringing up the issue. This can be a tactic to avoid facing the consequences of his behavior or admitting that he’s in the wrong.

So, when he’s acting defensively or aggressively when you confront him, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s more concerned about protecting his ego and image rather than genuinely being sorry for hurting you.

If he were really sorry, he’d be willing to listen to your side of the story, empathize with your feelings, and work together to repair the relationship. 

[Read This If You’ve Been Hurt By Someone You Love]

7. He shows no empathy for how his actions affected you.

When someone hurts us, we expect them to at least acknowledge how their actions affected us, right? It’s like a basic requirement for an apology. 

But when a guy shows no empathy whatsoever, it means he’s not even trying to understand how much he’s hurt you.

You’re pouring your heart out to him, telling him how his behavior has made you feel, and he just stares blankly back at you. He doesn’t show any sign of remorse or understanding, completely disconnected from your emotions and feelings.

That’s a pretty clear sign that he’s not sorry for hurting you. If he was truly sorry, he would at least make an effort to empathize with you, to see things from your perspective, and to understand how his actions affected you. 

8. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions.

When we make a mistake, whether it’s accidentally breaking something or hurting someone’s feelings, we usually feel bad about it. We might say sorry and offer to make it right, or at least acknowledge that we messed up and take steps to prevent it from happening again.

Why? It makes us feel better. 

Now, imagine someone doing something to hurt you, whether it’s lying, cheating, or just being rude. If they’re truly sorry, they’ll recognize that they did something wrong and take responsibility for it. 

They might say something like “I’m sorry I hurt you, I know what I did was wrong and I’ll do my best to make it up to you.” They might ask what they can do to make things right or promise to work on changing their behavior in the future.

However, if someone doesn’t take any responsibility for their actions, that’s a big red flag. It means they’re not willing to admit they did something wrong or make any effort to fix it. 

They might make excuses or try to shift the blame onto you or someone else. This shows that they’re not sorry for what they did, and they’re not willing to put in the work to make things right.

[Related: 5 Signs Someone is Secretly Manipulative]

9. He repeats the hurtful behavior despite promising to change.

You’ve just had a heart-to-heart conversation with him about how his constant lateness makes you feel unimportant and unvalued. He apologizes and promises to make an effort to be on time in the future. 

However, a few days later, they’re late again, without any explanation or apology.

Now, let’s think about why repeating the hurtful behavior is a sign that they’re not truly sorry. 

Essentially, it shows that they are not taking your feelings – or the relationship – seriously. It’s easy to say sorry, but it’s much harder to follow through on that apology and make a real effort to change your behavior.

Final words 

In any relationship, conflict is inevitable. It’s natural for people to make mistakes and hurt each other from time to time. And this is precisely why it’s important to be able to recognize when someone is truly sorry for their actions and when they’re not.

If you’re in a situation where someone has hurt you and you’re not sure if they’re truly sorry, pay attention to their actions, not just their words. Lack of empathy, no accountability, repeating the behavior, blaming you, and lack of effort to make amends are all signs that suggest someone may not be truly sorry for hurting you.

Remember that a sincere apology is only the first step in the process of healing and rebuilding trust. The real work comes in making a genuine effort to change the behavior and make things right.


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  • Featured image by by Drazen Zigic from Freepik

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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