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In the early stages of a relationship, everything seems perfect. You’re filled with excitement and anticipation, counting down the days until you can say “I do” to your soulmate. 

The love, passion, and intimacy are intense, and you feel like nothing can bring you down. But, as time passes, the excitement and fun that once filled your marriage can start to dwindle. 

It’s not unusual for couples to find themselves feeling disconnected and unfulfilled, wondering what happened to the love they once shared. The thrill of holding hands, the butterflies in your stomach, and the longing glances across the room can slowly disappear, replaced by the monotony of daily life. 

And when that flame starts to fade, it’s important to understand the signs so that you can reignite the spark and reignite the love. 

In this article, we’ll explore the signs that your wife may not be attracted to you anymore so that you can take the necessary steps to bring the excitement back into your relationship.

1. She’ll rather be alone than spend time with you 

There’s nothing wrong with your partner wanting some time alone once in a while. Esther Perel, a relationship therapist, usually advises that desire needs space to grow in relationships. 

However, when your wife now sees time alone as an escape from you, that’s not a good sign. But how do you tell her time alone is normal or a red flag to look out for? 

Well, for starters, watch the frequency. Is she always moving out of the sitting room when you’re entering and out of the bedroom once you want to spend some time with her? 

If yes, then that’s a red flag. It’s a sign that she’s trying to escape from you. But this sign could be a result of other things other than attraction diminishing. 

For instance, she could be angry at you for something you did to her but doesn’t want to confront you about it. Or, she could just be going through a phase of personal issues that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing yet. 

But if you see this sign along with others on this list, then there’s a high chance she’s losing attraction for you. 

2. She never initiates physical touch with you 

Physical touch is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. It’s a way to show affection, comfort, and love to your partner, and it plays an important role in maintaining intimacy. 

When a couple is attracted to each other, they naturally seek out physical touch, whether it’s a hug, a kiss, or holding hands. But when the attraction begins to fade, that physical touch can start to dissipate. 

If your wife used to initiate physical contact with you but has suddenly stopped, it could be a sign that her attraction to you has diminished. She may become distant and avoid physical contact, creating an emotional distance between the two of you. 

This lack of physical affection can leave you feeling rejected and unattractive, leading to feelings of insecurity and mistrust.

[Related: My Wife Yells at Me. The Best Ways to Respond to Her]

3. She’s distant and distracted when you’re together 

Have you ever been talking to your spouse, only to realize she’s not fully present in the conversation? 

Maybe she’s distracted by her phone, or her mind seems to be elsewhere. It can be frustrating, right? 

And when it happens repeatedly, it can start to feel like she’s no longer fully invested in the relationship. Well, the same can be true when it comes to physical attraction in marriage. 

If your wife is frequently distant and distracted when you’re together, it could be a sign that her attraction to you has diminished.

Think about it this way, when we’re attracted to someone, we’re naturally drawn to their presence and want to be fully present in their company. But when that attraction starts to fade, we might find ourselves feeling less invested and less connected. 

And that’s when you may start to notice your wife’s attention wandering, or her mind seeming to be elsewhere when you’re together. It could be a sign that she’s no longer fully engaged or invested in the relationship, and that her attraction to you has decreased.

Of course, everyone has off days and there could be other reasons why your wife is feeling distant. But if you’re noticing this pattern over a long time, it might be worth discussing with her and seeing what changes you can make to reignite the spark in your relationship.

4. Sex is dull and passionless 

If the spark has gone out of the bedroom, it can be a sign that it has gone out of the relationship as well. Why? 

Sex is often considered an intimate and physical expression of love and attraction in a relationship. When you’re in love with someone, sex can be an intense and passionate experience, filled with energy and excitement. 

But, what happens when the passion and excitement start to fade, and sex becomes a chore rather than a source of joy? Sex can become routine, unfulfilling, and even dread-inducing. And you’ll see this from her body language. How? 

The spark will not be there. There won’t be any moaning, kissing, heaving breathing, hugging, eye contact, etc. The whole thing will be more or less like a chore she needs to get over with and get to other things. If you see all these, that’s a huge red flag. 

[Also read: 7 Ways To Effectively Deal With A Crazy Wife]

5. She’s become mean to you for no reason

Little gestures that she would have thought of as cute or romantic now irritate her for no reason. It’s like she’s always on the edge of escalating. And this is making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in the marriage. 

Passive aggression usually arises majorly for two reasons: Firstly, when we have something we need to say but we find it difficult to communicate it in words to our partner. Secondly, when we can’t stand our partners anymore, we find ways to push them back. 

For instance, you attempt to play with her in the bedroom by tickling her, as you used to, except now, she yells at you and asks you what the hell you think you’re doing. 

Of course, we all have our off days. But if it becomes a pattern, and you always see that microexpression of irritation on her face, then it’s a sign that she doesn’t like you anymore. 

6. Your wife disrespects you (deliberately)

A woman – or man – that loves you will respect you. She’ll want you to lead her, and she’ll find pleasure in seeing you play the hero to her once in a while. This is instinctive. 

And when a man loves a woman, he takes her as his treasure. This means that he’ll instinctively care for her and respect her. Love and disrespect can’t coexist in a relationship. Why? 

When we are attracted to someone, we tend to overlook their faults and see them in a more positive light. However, when that attraction fades, our perception of them can change, and we may begin to nitpick and focus on their negative qualities.

For this reason, when a woman starts losing attraction for you, she may become disrespectful. And this disrespectful behavior can take many forms, such as belittling comments, criticism, or disregarding your opinions and feelings. 

This disrespectful behavior can be a sign that your wife is no longer seeing you as a desirable partner and is instead focusing on your flaws and shortcomings. 

Needless to say, disrespect can be a result of other reasons besides her becoming less attracted to you. It could also be her response to something you recently did that reduced your value in her eyes. 

[Also read: 5 Reasons why Women Leave the Men they Love]

7. She disregards your efforts 

One of the great things about being in a relationship is having someone who will support and validate you. 

When you do something amazing, like passing an important exam, getting a promotion, finishing a big project, etc., your partner is supposed to be there, cheering you up and making you feel good about yourself. 

But when your wife starts behaving like your wins are not hers, then you have a situation in your marriage. And you’ll be able to tell by how indifferent she is when you achieve something great. 

8. Your wife has stopped putting effort into making the marriage work 

When two people decide to get married, they are committing to each other to build a life together. This commitment requires effort from both partners to make the marriage work. 

However, when one partner starts to lose interest or becomes disenchanted with the relationship, it can cause the dynamic to change. 

If she’s attracted to you, she will naturally want to put in the effort to make the relationship work. She will want to prioritize your needs and make you happy, as well as maintain her own happiness in the relationship.

On the other hand, if she’s no longer attracted to you, she may start to neglect the relationship. She may become less interested in spending time with you or making an effort to keep the relationship strong. 

This could manifest as a lack of physical affection, disinterest in sexual activity, decreased communication, and a general sense of neglect when it comes to the relationship. These changes can be disheartening and hurtful, especially if you are still fully invested in the relationship.

When your wife is no longer putting in the effort to make your marriage work, it’s a sign that her attraction to you may have diminished. This doesn’t mean that she no longer loves you or that the relationship is beyond repair, but it does indicate that there may be deeper issues at play. 

[Also read: When God Wants You With Someone, This Will Happen]

9. Even when you try to make things work, she rejects your effort 

For instance, you try to call her attention to the fact that she’s been acting weird and distant lately, but instead of listening and talking things out with you, she walks out on you and gives you the silent treatment for the rest of the day. 

This is one of the most obvious signs, and it’s perhaps the most deadly as well. Why? 

No relationship is perfect. There are times of misunderstanding and conflict. And having a partner who isn’t willing to work with you to keep the relationship alive can be a real pain. 

As the saying goes, “Love is worth fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the only one fighting.” 

It’s bad enough that your wife isn’t putting in the effort to make the relationship work. But if she also rejects your effort to make it work, then that’s a deal breaker. It means she doesn’t think the relationship is worth saving. 

For some reason, she thinks she’ll rather break things up than patch it up with you. 

Going through something like this with a partner is one of the most frustrating things. You’re going through the pain of a distant partner, but you’re still the one trying to patch things up only for your efforts to be pushed to your face. 

10. She no longer feels the need to look good for you 

We all know how it feels to want to look our best for the people we love. When we’re head over heels for someone, we put in extra effort to make sure we look and feel our best. Why? 

Well, first of all, when you love someone, you care a lot about what they think of you. Secondly, the look of desire on your partner’s face when you’re looking good is priceless. And thirdly, you want your partner to keep desiring you, right?  

So, if you notice that your wife is no longer putting in the effort to look good for you, it could be a sign that her attraction to you has faded. 

She may no longer feel the need to make an effort because she’s no longer invested in the relationship. 

11. What you do with your life doesn’t bother her

In a healthy and loving relationship, your partner is typically invested in your life. They want to know what you’re up to, what your plans are, and how they can support you. 

They care about your dreams and aspirations, and they take an active interest in what you’re doing with your life. But, when your partner starts to lose attraction to you, she often becomes less interested in what you’re up to. 

Suddenly, it’s like she just doesn’t care anymore. It’s like she stopped paying attention to the things that matter most to you, and she’s no longer interested in being a part of your life.

This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if she used to be a supportive partner who is always there for you. 

For instance, she doesn’t care whether or not you come home early. Even if you show physical signs of distress in her presence, she may not even pay attention. If you call someone she doesn’t know, she won’t bother to ask who it was. 

If you flirt with other ladies, she won’t get jealous or ask questions. These are all signs that she’s checked out of the marriage in her head. 

12. She finds time with you boring 

Boredom can be a warning sign that something is not quite right. If your wife is finding time with you boring, it could be a sign that she’s no longer attracted to you. Let me explain why.

You see, attraction is not just about physical appearance, but also about the emotional connection and excitement that we feel when we’re with someone. When two people are attracted to each other, every moment spent together is filled with energy and anticipation. 

But, if that spark starts to fade, the time spent together can become monotonous and, well, boring. Think about it, when you’re attracted to someone, even the most mundane activities can be fun and exciting. 

But when that attraction starts to fade, spending time with you can feel like a chore for her. The conversations become dull and unengaging, and you find her counting down the minutes until it’s over. 

This lack of excitement and engagement can cause boredom to set in, and when boredom takes over, it’s a clear sign that something is amiss in the relationship.

What Do You Do When Your Wife is No Longer Attracted to You? 

It’s not just enough to understand the signs. What’s more important is knowing what to do to make her feel attracted to you again. So what do you do? 

The most important step

The first, and most significant step to solving any problems in a relationship is communicating with your partner about it. 

Encourage your wife to share her feelings and concerns, and listen actively to what she has to say. You may be surprised by what you learn and the solutions that come from the conversation.

Make an effort

Reigniting the spark in your relationship takes effort from both partners. After you’ve had an honest conversation about what the underlying problem might be, it’s time to take the initiative to make things work again. 

Make an effort to be more affectionate, take the time to listen and understand each other’s needs, or simply put in the work to make each other feel special. Small acts of effort can make a big impact.

Try new things

Doing new and exciting things together can help rekindle the excitement and bring the two of you closer. 

For instance, you can try a new hobby, go on a spontaneous adventure, or simply try a new restaurant, stepping outside of your comfort zone can bring a renewed sense of excitement to your relationship.

Plan special dates and surprise her

Surprises are a great way to reignite the spark in a relationship. Plan special dates and make time for just the two of you, without the distractions of daily life. 

Whether it’s a romantic dinner or a weekend getaway, taking the time to focus on each other can help reignite the attraction.

Work on yourself

Sometimes our partners might drift away from us because they just don’t see us as physically attractive as before. 

We’ve all seen instances where people stop working on themselves after they get into relationships. They stop growing, working out, keeping themselves fresh and fit, etc., because they think the chase is over.  

Work on improving yourself. Keep being the best version of yourself. Exercise, take care of yourself, read books, work out, etc. When you feel good about yourself, it can help to boost your confidence and attractiveness.

Do not match her energy 

When your wife starts acting in ways you don’t like, it’s tempting to want to match her energy and give her a taste of her poison. But this is a bad idea. 

As much as it’s difficult, it will be better for the relationship if you act as the mature one and try to find a solution to the problem instead of escalating it. 

Seek help from a professional

Sometimes doing it alone just doesn’t work. If you’re struggling to reignite the attraction on your own, consider seeking the help of a professional therapist or counselor. They can help you identify the underlying issues and provide guidance on how to address them healthily and productively.

[Also read: How to Make Your Relationship Last Long-Term]

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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