Manipulation doesn’t always look like what you see in movies. It’s not always obvious, and that’s why it can be so harmful.
And it’s even worse when it happens in a relationship where there’s already some form of emotional entanglement preventing you from seeing what’s really happening.
Especially when we love someone, we tend to excuse their harmful behavior with well thought out explanations to ourselves. “She’s just having a bad day,” or “Maybe I did something wrong,” we might say.
It’s human nature to rationalize behaviors, especially when we want to believe the best about someone we care deeply for.
This protective instinct, though great on some occasions, blinds us to the clear signs of manipulation, because admitting that someone we love is hurting us intentionally is a tough pill to swallow.
This is why most people have to reach the point of emotional breakdown before they can admit to themselves that they’re being manipulated by their partner.
It’s a painful realization, and one that is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion.
But acknowledging the problem is the first step towards healing and reclaiming your power from a manipulator.
It’s better to understand what to look out for to prevent yourself from becoming a victim in the first place.
1. She Frequently Gives Silent Treatments
The silent treatment is an age-old manipulation tactic, isn’t it? Suddenly, she’s not talking, or her responses have become monosyllabic. The atmosphere becomes tense, and you find yourself walking on eggshells.
The message is clear: you’ve done something wrong, but she won’t tell you what it is. This is a power play, designed to make you anxious, second-guess yourself, and ultimately, come begging for forgiveness.
Silence, in itself, isn’t always a bad thing. People need their space from time to time. But prolonged, punishing silence is different.
It’s a way to gain control, make you feel in the wrong, and ensure you work extra hard to get back in her good books.
Not communicating your feelings prevents any form of resolution or understanding. Instead of addressing the issue head-on, she’s keeping it simmering, making you more susceptible to manipulation.
So, next time there’s a sudden cold front moving in, ask yourself: is this just a brief cool-off, or is it the latest in a series of silent treatments aimed at keeping you off balance? Understanding this distinction is vital for the health of your relationship.
[Related: 5 Signs Someone is Secretly Manipulative]
2. She’s Often Playing the Victim Card
Ever felt like no matter what happens, she’s always the victim? It doesn’t matter if she’s in the wrong; somehow, she manages to twist things so you end up feeling guilty.
This “poor me” act is a manipulation tactic designed to divert attention away from her behavior.
By constantly positioning herself as the victim, she avoids taking responsibility for her actions.
It also puts you on the defensive, making it hard for you to address any issues without seeming like the “bad guy”.
This dynamic can leave you feeling trapped. You’re always tiptoeing around her feelings, careful not to upset her, even at your own expense. Over time, this can lead to a relationship where your needs and feelings are continually sidelined.
3. She Uses Emotional Blackmail
“I thought you loved me,” or “If you cared about me, you’d do this.” Sound familiar? Emotional blackmail is all about using someone’s feelings against them.
It’s a way to get what she wants without considering your feelings or boundaries. The message is clear: comply or face the consequences, which often involves guilt or the threat of a ruined relationship.
Emotional blackmail isn’t always as dramatic as it sounds. Sometimes it’s subtle, like a sigh, a sad look, or an offhand comment meant to make you feel guilty.
It’s these nuances, these little darts thrown your way, that can slowly erode your sense of self and boundaries.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, where decisions and compromises arise from understanding, not coercion. Emotional blackmail disrupts this balance.
It’s natural to feel drained, frustrated, and even trapped when you’re constantly on the receiving end of such tactics.
Being aware is half the battle. Recognizing emotional blackmail for what it is allows you to address the issue, set boundaries, and seek a healthier dynamic.
[Read: How to Handle A Manipulative Person]
4. She’s Often Gaslighting
Ever had a conversation where you’re left doubting your own memory or judgment? Maybe she insists something never happened, or it wasn’t the way you remember it.
This tactic, where she tries to make you doubt your own reality, is known as gaslighting. And it’s a powerful tool in the manipulator’s arsenal.
Gaslighting can be incredibly disorienting. If done persistently, it can have you second-guessing yourself at every turn.
Its goal is to destabilize your sense of reality, making you more reliant on her version of events, thereby increasing her control over you.
It’s worth noting that everyone’s memory is fallible. Misremembering an event or disagreement is part and parcel of being human.
However, gaslighting goes beyond simple memory lapses. It’s a conscious effort to make you doubt yourself, often with a hidden agenda in play.
5. She Often Withholds Affection
Ever feel like you’re on a rollercoaster of hot and cold? One day she’s all love and warmth, and the next, she’s distant.
Deliberately withholding affection can be a means of maintaining power in the relationship. It’s like a bait and switch: the promise of intimacy is dangled, but it’s often retracted just when you’ve let your guard down.
Relationships have their natural rhythms. People go through phases. But there’s a difference between someone having an off day and using affection as a bargaining chip.
This tactic can make you feel anxious, constantly striving for her validation, making you more malleable to her wishes.
There’s a certain unpredictability to this behavior, which can be especially unsettling. Just as you think everything’s going smoothly, the warmth fades, leaving you wondering what went wrong.
This unpredictability can keep you on tenterhooks, always aiming to please, always hoping for that return to affection.
Emotional stability is vital in any relationship. If you’re constantly trying to figure out where you stand or how she feels about you, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship’s dynamics.
[Interesting: 7 Strong Signs Your Friend Is Emotionally Manipulative]
6. She Frequently Compares You to Others
Comparing you to other people, especially in negative terms, can be a manipulative tactic. This can erode your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re never quite good enough, always falling short of some imagined standard.
Comparison, in essence, isn’t always harmful. We all compare situations, people, or outcomes from time to time. However, it becomes toxic when used as a weapon, particularly in intimate relationships.
This behavior can set unrealistic expectations and sow seeds of insecurity.
Over time, this can have a detrimental effect on one’s self-worth. Constantly being told you don’t measure up or should emulate someone else can be exhausting. It chips away at your identity, making you feel like you’re forever in someone else’s shadow.
7. She Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
Personal boundaries can be about anything: your time, your space, your friends, or even your values.
When these boundaries are consistently ignored, it can make you feel invaded and undermined. It’s like she’s subtly telling you that what you want or feel doesn’t really matter.
This behavior can be especially insidious because it often starts small. Maybe she brushes off a concern you’ve voiced or makes a decision without consulting you. With time, these infringements can escalate, making you feel trapped or disrespected.
8. She Often Uses Sarcasm at Your Expense
We all enjoy a bit of banter now and then. But there’s a fine line between playful teasing and mean-spirited sarcasm.
If she often makes sarcastic remarks that belittle you or make you feel small, especially in front of others, that’s not just harmless fun. It’s a way of exerting dominance or control, even if cloaked in humor.
Sarcasm can be witty and humorous. Yet, it becomes problematic when it’s used as a tool for derision or to mask genuine criticism.
Often, the person on the receiving end feels attacked, but the veiled nature of the comment makes it hard to address directly without sounding overly sensitive.
What’s more, this behavior can create an atmosphere where you’re always on guard, anticipating the next jibe or sarcastic comment.
[Interesting: 6 Signs They Are Not “The One” For You]
9. She Rarely Apologizes
We all make mistakes. It’s a part of being human. But how we handle those mistakes says a lot about our character.
Does she find it hard to admit when she’s wrong? Maybe she skirts around the issue or shifts the blame to someone else? An inability to apologize can be a subtle form of manipulation.
Apologizing requires humility. It’s an admission that we’re not perfect, that we’ve erred. If she avoids taking responsibility, it creates a dynamic where she’s always in the right, even when she’s not. This can make addressing issues or conflicts challenging.
Everyone wants to feel heard and validated. If mistakes are brushed under the carpet or if you’re always painted as the one at fault, it can be demoralizing.
10. She’s Overly Controlling
Control can manifest in many ways. Maybe she insists on knowing where you are all the time, or perhaps she tries to dictate who you can or can’t see.
This need for control can stem from various reasons, from insecurity to a simple desire for dominance.
A controlling partner can make you feel like you’re living in a gilded cage. On the surface, it might seem like concern or even love, but at its core, it’s about power.
Life is full of choices. Who we see, where we go, what we do – these are personal decisions.
A loving partner will trust and respect your choices. They won’t feel the need to oversee every aspect of your life.
Conclusion
Relationships are meant to uplift and support, not bring down or control. Knowing the signs of a manipulative person can save you from heartache and confusion. If you ever feel something isn’t right, trust your gut feelings.
You know yourself best. While it might be tough to confront or walk away from manipulation, especially from someone you love, always prioritize your well-being.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on understanding and trust, not manipulation and deceit.
- All photos from freepik.com