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The notion that only men can be players is outdated and far from reality. 

Just as men can play the field, women too can manipulate, deceive, lead men on, and cause emotional distress. 

The truth is, anyone can be a player, regardless of gender. The motives may differ, but the behavior and the subsequent fallout remain distressingly similar. 

The scars left by a player—confusion, self-doubt, and heartache—are all too real, irrespective of who causes them. This is why recognizing a player early on can spare you a lot of pain. 

Armed with this knowledge, you can protect yourself, set boundaries, and avoid the emotional turmoil that comes from being led on by a player.

With that said, let’s look at some big warning signs of a female player. 

1. She’s Always in “Casual” Mode

No matter how much time has passed or how many shared experiences you’ve had, she remains in “casual” mode. 

A player avoids deepening the relationship at all costs, preferring to keep things light and non-committal. To her, you’re not her partner; you’re her ‘casual’ date, just one among many.

You’ll notice this in her behavior. For instance, she might avoid introducing you to her friends or family, or she might refrain from referring to you as her boyfriend. 

She’s not building a partnership; she’s maintaining a casual fling.

This reluctance to move past the casual stage speaks volumes about her intentions. 

If you’ve been seeing each other for a considerable amount of time and things are still ‘casual’, it’s either she’s a player or she’s just leading you on waiting for something better. Either way, you don’t want to be that guy. 

2. She Hates Confrontation

big signs she is a player
Photo by cookie_studio from freepik

Confrontation is a part of any relationship. It’s how issues get resolved and how understanding deepens. 

However, players prefer to avoid confrontation at all costs. Why? 

They don’t want to deal with the emotional turmoil that accompanies serious conversations and potential arguments.

If she’s always dodging serious conversations or immediately shuts down when you bring up an issue, it’s a sign she might be a player. 

She’d rather maintain the status quo than delve into deeper issues, even if it means brushing your concerns under the carpet.

This avoidance of confrontation shows a lack of respect for your feelings and concerns. It also indicates a lack of interest in building a deeper, more meaningful relationship. 

3. Flirts with Everyone Is a Big Sign

Flirting is a natural part of social interactions. However, there’s a line between friendly banter and flirting with intent. 

If she’s always flirting with everyone around her, regardless of whether you’re present or not, it could be a sign she’s a player.

Here’s the thing: Players are natural flirts. 

They thrive on the thrill of the chase and the validation they receive from their flirting. They’re often very charming, using their charisma to win people over and keep them interested.

This chronic flirting isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a strategic move. By constantly flirting, she’s keeping her options open and ensuring she’s always the center of attention. 

She’s playing the field, and she’s not concerned about how it might affect you.

4. She Doesn’t Let You In

Warning signs she is a player

Despite spending time together, you feel like you barely know her. Players are experts at keeping people at arm’s length. 

They’ll share enough to make you feel like you’re getting to know them, but they’ll never let you in completely.

She might avoid talking about her past, her fears, her dreams, or anything that might make her vulnerable. 

This reluctance to open up isn’t due to shyness or introversion. Instead, it’s a strategic move designed to keep you at a distance.

A meaningful relationship requires vulnerability, openness, and trust. If she’s not willing to let you in, it’s a clear sign she’s playing games. 

Remember, you deserve more than surface-level interactions. You deserve a relationship built on openness and mutual trust.

5. She’s Mysterious About Her Personal Life

When someone truly cares for you, they’re open, genuine, and willing to share the details of their life. 

But players? They’re often shrouded in mystery. And they do this not just about privacy, it’s about control. 

By maintaining a level of ambiguity about their personal life, they create an alluring sense of intrigue.

There’s an air of nonchalance in the way she talks about herself, a persistent evasiveness that raises more questions than it answers. This might manifest as a constant change of topic when the conversation starts to veer towards her past relationships, family, or even everyday activities. 

The bottom line is, if you feel like you’re perpetually trying to solve a complex puzzle with the few pieces she’s left scattered, you might be dealing with a player.

This mysteriousness isn’t just a conversation tactic. It extends to her digital footprint as well. 

Her social media might be suspiciously devoid of personal details, or perhaps excessively curated, showing only the facets she wants you to see. 

Keep in mind, this is different from someone simply being a private person. This is strategic ambiguity, a move designed to keep you off balance and intrigued.

6. Too Many “Guy Friends” Is A Warning Sign

Signs of a female player

Nothing screams ‘player’ louder than a woman who’s perpetually surrounded by other men. 

Of course, having male friends is perfectly fine. It’s the nature of these relationships you need to observe closely. 

If she’s frequently in the company of other guys, flirting and enjoying their attention, then she might be playing the field.

She enjoys being the center of attention, and she knows how to work her charm to make sure all eyes are on her. 

The fact that she’s continually surrounded by men gives her a safety net, ensuring she’s never left wanting for attention, admiration, or options.

Remember, a player thrives on variety. Having many men around her at all times keeps her options open. 

She may see each one as a potential suitor, ready to swoop in and save the day if you don’t meet her standards. Stay alert!

7. She’s Still Active on Dating Sites

While some people might remain active on dating sites early on in a relationship, continuing to use dating apps while in a committed relationship is a big red flag. 

A woman still swiping right after being with you for a while is keeping her options open.

Being active on dating sites while seeing you indicates she’s not taking the relationship seriously. 

A player thrives on the excitement of new connections and enjoys the attention she gets from multiple potential suitors.

If she’s committed to building a relationship with you, she wouldn’t feel the need to keep her profile active on dating sites. 

Remember, a meaningful relationship is built on mutual respect, honesty, and exclusivity. If she’s still on the hunt, she’s probably not as committed as you might want her to be.

8. Hot and Cold Is a Big Sign She’s A Player

Have you noticed a fluctuation in her behavior towards you? One day she’s all over you, affectionate and caring, and the next day she’s distant, almost indifferent. 

This unpredictability, often described as being ‘hot and cold’, is a classic player move.

It’s all part of the game – she’s pulling you in and then pushing you away. The idea is to keep you guessing, to make you feel anxious and unsure. 

She wants to keep you in a state of anticipation, always wondering about her next move.

This behavior creates an addictive ‘push and pull’ dynamic that can be incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. 

If you find that her affection towards you seems to come in waves, varying from intense interest to sudden disinterest, chances are she’s a player.

9. She’s Sketchy With Her Phone

When she's a player

For instance, does she always take her phone with her when she leaves the room, or does she become nervous when you’re near her phone? 

These could be signs that she has something to hide.

A player prefers to keep their options open, and maintaining privacy around their phone allows them to control what you see and know about them. 

It’s not about having personal space, but rather about keeping certain aspects of their life hidden from you.

This secretive behavior can also extend to her online activities. Is she reluctant to show you her social media accounts or does she use her phone in a way that seems designed to hide her screen from you? 

If she’s constantly ‘busy’ on her phone, yet her communication with you is sparse, she might be a player.

10. She Avoids Emotional Intimacy

Players always want to keep things superficial. They’ll steer clear of deeper, more vulnerable conversations.

So when your woman is always changing the subject when the conversation starts to get personal or emotional, that’s a major red flag. 

She may appear to be cool and collected, but beneath that facade is a reluctance to form a deeper emotional bond.

The reason behind this avoidance is simple: emotional intimacy is a threat to her freedom and control. 

A deep emotional connection means commitment, vulnerability, and the possibility of getting hurt. And that’s not a risk a player is willing to take.


Don’t jump to conclusions based on a single sign. Instead, look for a pattern of these behaviors. If you’re noticing more than one of these signs, it might be time to have a serious conversation, or perhaps reevaluate your relationship. 

FAQs 

How can I confront her if I believe she’s a player?

If you’ve noticed several signs that she might be a player, you’re probably considering a confrontation. 

It’s essential to approach this conversation with a calm and clear mind. Start by expressing your feelings honestly and openly. 

Share your observations, concerns, and how her behavior affects you emotionally. Remember, this isn’t about blaming or accusing but seeking understanding and clarity.

Avoid getting defensive or turning the conversation into an argument. Your goal should be to create a space for open dialogue, where both of you can express your feelings without fear of judgment. 

Listen carefully to her response, but also watch her reaction. If she’s dismissive or tries to turn the blame on you, it could confirm your suspicions.

Is it possible that I’m just misunderstanding her actions?

Yes, it’s entirely possible. Human behavior can be complex and influenced by a multitude of factors, including past experiences, personal fears, and current life circumstances. 

Perhaps she’s dealing with personal issues or isn’t ready for a serious relationship due to factors unrelated to you.

That’s why it’s crucial not to jump to conclusions based on a few signs. Instead, look for a consistent pattern of behavior over time. If you’re unsure, communicate your feelings to her. 

Honest and open communication is the best way to understand her behavior. Remember, every individual is unique and deserves the benefit of the doubt.

What should I do if I find out she is a player?

Finding out that someone you care about is a player can be a painful experience. It’s natural to feel a range of emotions, including betrayal, sadness, and anger. 

The first step is to allow yourself to feel these emotions and process what has happened.

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, it’s time to decide how you want to proceed. If she’s shown remorse and wants to change her behavior, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to give her another chance. 

However, if she’s unapologetic or continues her player behavior, it might be in your best interest to move on.

Remember, you deserve a partner who respects and values you. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your self-respect and happiness. It may be a difficult process, but with time, you’ll come out stronger.


All photos from freepik.com

Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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