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You’ve finally built up the courage to ask that girl out, the one you’ve been interested in for quite a while. 

You plan the perfect first date, trying to ensure every detail is just right. 

The date goes well, or at least you think it did, but you can’t shake off this nagging feeling. Is she really into you, or was she just being polite?

We all know this feeling, right? It can be quite puzzling, not to mention a little stressful. 

Reading someone’s interest, especially after a first date, can feel like trying to solve a challenging riddle. But don’t worry, you’re not alone in this.

The good news is that there are subtle signs you can look out for. These signs can give you a pretty clear indication of whether she’s interested in you or if she’s likely to say “thanks, but no thanks” to a second date. 

1. Lack of Follow-Up

Let’s kick things off with a straightforward indicator: the absence of follow-up communication. You’ve probably heard this one before, right? It’s a classic telltale sign. 

Here’s the scoop: after a promising date, a text or call to express how the date went is standard etiquette. It shows she’s keen to continue the conversation.

Alright, now picture this. The date is over. You’ve said your goodbyes. But in the days that follow, there’s just…silence. 

Not even a tiny, ambiguous “Thanks for the night” message. This, my friend, could be a hint. That silence? It’s her subtly expressing disinterest.

While it’s easy to dismiss this as her just being busy, sometimes, silence speaks volumes. Trust me on this: if she wanted to get in touch, she would’ve. 

Our smartphones are practically glued to our hands these days, and it takes only a few seconds to send a quick text.

[Related: First Date Went Well But No Second Date: Here’s What It Means]

2. Disengaged Body Language

When she isn't interested after first date

Next up, let’s decode the unsaid. Body language. It’s the silent language that everyone speaks but few understand. 

But don’t worry, you don’t need a psychology degree to decode it.

Ever been on a date where she seems to be more interested in the view out the window, or perhaps, her fingernails? Has she been leaning away from you or crossed her arms for most of the date? 

These could be signs of disengagement and discomfort, potentially indicating a lack of interest.

Look, body language can be tricky. It varies from person to person. 

However, a common theme is that people instinctively gravitate towards things they like and pull away from things they don’t. So, if she’s maintaining distance, it could indicate a lack of attraction.

3. She Doesn’t Put Any Effort In Conversation

Another potential red flag? Your conversations are always one-sided. 

You’ve been chatting away, sharing stories, asking questions, but it seems like she’s just there, nodding and giving monosyllabic answers. 

It’s almost like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going.

Remember, a conversation is like a game of tennis. You hit the ball, and then it’s her turn to hit it back. 

If you’re the one doing all the serving, and she’s barely hitting any returns, she might not be that into you.

Just think about it for a second. We tend to invest our time and energy in things we care about. 

So, if she’s not making an effort to contribute to the conversation, it could imply a lack of interest.

[Read: 10 First Date Signs He Wants A Relationship]

4. She’s Always Busy

Signs she's not interested in a second date

We all have commitments and responsibilities that consume our time. 

But, if she’s consistently saying she’s too busy without suggesting another time or date, it might be a polite way of expressing disinterest.

You’ve heard the phrase, “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a time; if not, you’ll find an excuse.” If she’s not finding time, it’s possible she’s just not that into you.

Again, we all have busy periods, and it’s essential to respect that. But, if she’s continuously unavailable, she might be signaling that she doesn’t see a potential future with you.

However, as with all these signs, remember to consider other factors. Maybe she’s going through a particularly demanding period in her life. 

5. There’s No Physical Contact

When two people are attracted to each other, there’s a natural tendency to get closer physically. The human behavioral expert, Vanessa Van Edwards calls this “the breach of the intimacy zone.”

It could be a slight touch on the arm during a hearty laugh or an accidental brush of hands. These small moments create intimacy and deepen connection.

But picture yourself out on a date and she seems to be maintaining a “safety distance”. 

Her body isn’t leaning in. The opportunities for subtle touches pass by without incident. This may not bode well. It might hint that she’s uncomfortable with the idea of being too close to you.

The absence of physical contact isn’t just about the absence of attraction, but it might also indicate that she’s not ready to take things to a higher level. 

It’s her way of creating boundaries.

Keep in mind, however, that some people are naturally more reserved or shy when it comes to physical contact. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not interested, but it’s definitely something worth noting.

[Interesting: The Right Ways to Text a Woman After a First Date]

6. She’s Too Polite

How to tell if a girl doesn't like you after first date

Let’s talk about something that might surprise you: Politeness. Yes, you heard right! 

Being overly polite might be a sign she’s not into you. But wait, before you raise your eyebrows, let me explain.

When we’re with someone we’re genuinely interested in, we tend to let our guard down. We become more of our authentic selves, less formal. 

There’s playful teasing, there’s warmth, there’s a certain level of comfort. But what happens when she’s constantly formal, polite, and professional, as though you’re having a business lunch rather than a date?

The over-politeness might mean she’s keeping you at arm’s length. It’s like she’s built a fortress around herself, and she’s not ready to lower the bridge for you to cross over.

7. She Doesn’t Make Future Plans

When we’re interested in someone, we’re naturally inclined to include them in our future. We make plans. 

We talk about movies we should see, restaurants we should try, or concerts that would be fun to go to.

But here’s the thing: she doesn’t mention anything about a future date or meeting. There’s no, “We should do this again” or “I know a great place we should check out next time.” 

It’s all about now or, even worse, the past. This might be a clue that she doesn’t see you in her future.

While it’s great to live in the moment, hints about future plans indicate a willingness to continue the relationship. The lack of these hints might show her lack of interest in pursuing things further.

However, don’t interpret this sign in isolation. She might also be hesitant to bring up future plans out of fear of coming on too strong or desperate.

[Interesting: 7 After First Date Rules For Guys And Ladies]

8. She Checks Her Phone Frequently

If she spends more time scrolling her phone than engaging with you, it’s a clear sign she’s not into the date.

Engaging in a conversation while she’s busy texting, scrolling through social media, or even taking calls, might indicate a lack of respect for your time and presence. It’s her way of disconnecting from the situation.

You see, when we’re genuinely interested in someone, they have our attention. 

We forget about our phones and focus on the person in front of us. Excessive phone use during a date? That’s a classic sign of disinterest.

9. Her Replies are Short and Curt

How someone communicates with you can reveal a lot about their interest in you, or lack of it.

Let’s set the scene: You’re asking her questions, trying to get to know her better. But all you’re getting are short, clipped responses. 

There’s no elaboration, no follow-up questions, and certainly no sharing of personal stories. Her answers are as short as a simple “yes” or “no”.

This could very well mean that she’s not interested in diving deeper into the conversation. She’s keeping things surface-level, not allowing you to really get to know her. 

It’s like she’s closing the door before you can even get a peek inside.

[Related: Who Should Text First After A Date?]

10. She Doesn’t Laugh at Your Jokes

Humor plays a significant role in creating a bond between two people. It’s a way of showing that we enjoy each other’s company.

You’re putting your best foot forward, cracking your best jokes and funniest anecdotes. 

But all you’re greeted with is a polite smile or, worse, an indifferent stare. No laughter, no shared sense of humor. This could be a sign that she’s just not that into you.

People who are interested in each other usually find each other’s jokes more amusing, simply because they enjoy each other’s company. 

Hence, if she’s not laughing or joking around with you, it might be a sign that she doesn’t feel that connection.


1. What if she’s just shy or introverted?

If you’re asking this question, it means you’re considering the context and personality of the individual, which is excellent! 

Shyness or introversion can indeed cause someone to show signs that may be misconstrued as disinterest. 

She might be quiet, avoid eye contact, or hold back on physical touch simply because she’s shy or introverted, not because she’s uninterested.

The best approach here is patience and understanding. It might take a few more dates for her to open up and feel comfortable around you. If she agrees to go on subsequent dates, that’s a positive sign. Remember, understanding someone takes time, especially when the person is introverted or shy.

2. How should I respond if she’s not interested?

Dealing with rejection can be challenging. If you’ve deciphered the signs and it seems she’s not interested, it’s essential to respond with respect and maturity. 

It’s okay to feel disappointed, but avoid lashing out or blaming her for not reciprocating your feelings.

A polite acknowledgement of the situation is usually the best course of action. You can express your feelings honestly, saying something like, “I sense that you might not be interested in taking things further, and that’s perfectly fine. 

I appreciate the time we spent together.” This leaves room for open communication and shows your respect for her feelings.

3. Is it possible that she’s playing hard to get?

There’s always a possibility that what you interpret as disinterest is her way of playing hard to get. Some people believe in the thrill of the chase and might not show their interest openly at first.

However, prolonged and consistent signs of disinterest are usually not a game. It’s important to avoid making assumptions that could lead to misunderstandings or miscommunication. 

If you’re uncertain, the best approach is open, honest communication. Ask her about her feelings directly but respectfully. This way, you’ll know where you stand instead of guessing.

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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