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Being in a friendship with someone who doesn’t value you can feel like you’re caught in a rainstorm without an umbrella. It’s cold, it’s uncomfortable, and it just doesn’t feel right. 

Yet, often, we overlook these feelings, brush them off, or even blame ourselves, convincing ourselves that things will get better soon. 

But, just like we can’t control the rain, we can’t control how others treat us. What we can control is how we respond to it.

You see, friendships are like plants. They need care to bloom. Just as a plant needs water and sunlight to grow, a friendship needs love and trust. 

If one side lacks, the balance is off, and the friendship suffers. You wouldn’t let a plant wither away due to lack of care, would you? So why should it be any different when it comes to your friendships?

In this article, we’re going to talk about some clear signs that might indicate that your friend doesn’t value you. 

Recognizing these signs can help you understand your feelings better and guide you in deciding how you want to handle such a friendship.

1. They Constantly Cancel Plans

You’re always looking forward to spending time together. You plan, get excited, and make sure everything is ready. 

Yet, a pattern has formed where your friend cancels at the last minute. They may provide various reasons: other commitments, sudden work, or simply not feeling well. 

Sure, it’s understandable once or twice, but when it becomes a habit, that’s a red flag.

There’s no denying that life can sometimes be unpredictable. Emergencies can occur, and situations can arise when your friend genuinely needs to cancel plans. 

However, consistent canceling signifies a disregard for your time and effort. It suggests that your friend may not value your friendship enough to honor commitments or make you a priority.

As you notice this pattern emerging, you might want to reconsider the value they place on your relationship. 

It’s a difficult realization, but it’s essential to surround yourself with people who appreciate your time and effort.

[Related: 7 Sure Signs Of Fake Friends]

2. Communication is Often One-Sided

When your friends don't value you

Are you always the one reaching out, sending messages, or making calls? Do you feel like a radio broadcaster speaking into the void, waiting for a response that seldom comes? 

One-sided communication is a red flag in any relationship.

Sure, people get busy, and responding immediately isn’t always possible. But when the imbalance persists, it’s time to consider whether your friend truly values your communication efforts. 

Communication should be a two-way street. It’s about mutual engagement, sharing experiences, and maintaining the bond.

Your words deserve to be heard, your messages deserve a reply, and your calls deserve to be returned. 

A friend who doesn’t make an effort to communicate might not hold your friendship in high regard.

3. They Never Apologize

Ever been in a situation where your friend wrongs you, but an apology is nowhere in sight? They justify their actions, make excuses, or, worse, act like nothing happened. 

No matter the circumstance, they never say the magic words, “I’m sorry.”

While nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes, acknowledging those mistakes is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. 

When a friend never apologizes, it either means they are narcissistic or they don’t respect your feelings enough to admit their wrongdoing.

An apology is more than just words. It’s an acknowledgment of one’s mistake and a step towards mending the relationship. 

A friend who never apologizes may not care about the impact of their actions on your relationship.

(Read: Friends Who Don’t Reciprocate (12 Ways To Deal With Them)

4. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Picture this scenario: your phone buzzes, and it’s your friend. But instead of a casual hello or an invite to hang out, they need a favor. 

This seems to be the recurring theme of your interactions. They reach out when they need something, but otherwise, there’s radio silence.

While helping friends is part of any strong friendship, it’s concerning when your relationship becomes transactional. It’s like you’re more of a resource than a friend.

Friendship isn’t about keeping a tally of who did what for whom. But when a friend only contacts you when they need something, it’s worth wondering whether they value the relationship or the convenience you provide.

5. They Share Your Secrets

You share secrets with your friend, trusting they’ll respect your privacy. But then, you hear your private information being discussed casually in conversations by people who shouldn’t know.

Friends respect each other’s confidentiality. They understand the gravity of secrets and guard them fiercely. When a friend disregards this, it can be a painful betrayal.

Privacy is fundamental in friendship. If a friend doesn’t respect your secrets, it signifies a lack of respect for your trust and your relationship. It’s a clear sign they may not value you as they should.

(Interesting: How To Tell If Someone Has No Friends (10 Signs)

6. They Poor Their Emotional Baggage on You 

You’re catching up with your friend, ready to share some exciting news or just have a relaxed conversation. But instead, all you get is a wave of negativity. 

Nothing seems good enough for them. Even the sunniest day has too much sun. That can be a heavy load to bear, don’t you think?

Now, we all have those days when the world feels heavy on our shoulders. That’s normal. But, when your friend seems to have painted a permanent residence in the realm of pessimism, it’s a whole different story. 

Constant negativity can feel like a dark cloud that drains your energy and taints your outlook on life.

You see, a friendship should uplift you, give you a sense of belonging, make you feel cherished. 

When instead it becomes a source of stress, it’s worth asking yourself why you’re in it. 

You might start to realize this constant downpour of negativity is not a sign of a bad day or a rough patch. Instead, it could very well indicate that your friend doesn’t value your emotional well-being.

7. They’re Never There for You

How do you know if someone is not a true friend?

Imagine you’re going through a tough time. You’re feeling down, lost, perhaps a bit broken. 

Naturally, you turn to your friend, expecting a comforting presence, words of encouragement, or simply a shoulder to lean on. But, your friend is nowhere to be found. 

Sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it?

It’s a harsh reality some of us have to face. Friends should be our pillars of strength during difficult times, just as we are there for them. 

But what happens when the person you expect to be there for you is consistently absent? It’s like shouting for help in an empty room.

Remember how they say actions speak louder than words? This is one of those situations. 

Their absence during your times of need loudly proclaims their disregard for your feelings and well-being. It’s a clear sign they don’t hold your friendship in high regard.

This lack of support can leave you feeling alone and undervalued. And no one deserves to feel that way, especially not from a friend. 

[Related: 5 Major Signs You’ve Outgrown Your Friends]

8. They Often Put You Down

Imagine this scenario. You’re with your friend, sharing an achievement, or perhaps expressing a new interest. You’re excited, thrilled to share this with them. 

But instead of sharing your joy or encouraging your interest, they put you down. Ouch! It feels like a punch in the gut, right?

Everyone has a right to their opinion. Sure. But continuously putting you down, criticizing your choices, belittling your achievements, that’s not being opinionated. 

That’s disrespectful and hurtful. And it’s something that you shouldn’t tolerate in a friendship.

It can be hard to accept, but here’s the raw truth: a friend who constantly belittles you is showing clear signs they don’t value your feelings or your self-esteem. 

There’s no sugar-coating this. It’s plain and simple.

This behavior is not only damaging to your self-confidence but also to the foundation of your friendship. 

Being in a place where your hard work and achievements are punished instead of rewarded is probably one of the worst things ever.

9. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Your boundaries could be anything – your time, your values, your personal space, or even your taste in music. Friends, real friends, understand and respect these boundaries. 

They know these boundaries form the core of who you are.

So, when your friend consistently crosses these lines, it’s a massive red flag. It’s a glaring sign they don’t value your comfort, your preferences, and, in essence, you. No one should feel entitled to trample over your boundaries, least of all, a friend.

Disrespect for your boundaries means a lack of understanding and respect for you as a person. It indicates they value their wants and convenience more than your comfort and personal space.

10. They Make You Feel Like an Option

How do you treat a friend who doesn't value you?

For instance, you’re excited about spending time with your friend. But, it feels like you’re always the backup plan only considered when other plans fall through. Like you’re an option, not a priority. It stings, doesn’t it?

Friendships should be about mutual respect and consideration. You should feel valued, cherished. Not like an afterthought. Not like a Plan B.

A friend who only considers you when their other plans fail is clearly sending a message: you’re not their priority. 

It’s hard to swallow, but it’s crucial to understand that this is not about your worth. It’s about their failure to appreciate you.

A friend who makes you feel like an option does not value your time, your effort, or your feelings. And you deserve better.


How do you treat a friend who doesn’t value you?

You’re feeling undervalued and hurt by a friend’s actions or lack thereof. How do you approach it? 

Well, the first step is having a conversation. Express your feelings and concerns. Give them a chance to understand and rectify their behavior. Remember, communication is key in any relationship.

However, if the behavior persists even after the conversation, you might need to reassess the friendship. It’s not easy, but you must prioritize your well-being and mental health. 

Surround yourself with positivity and people who respect and value you. It’s essential to understand that you deserve friends who appreciate your worth.

How do you know if someone is not a true friend?

Determining whether someone is a true friend can be tricky. A true friend supports you, respects you, and values your relationship. 

On the contrary, a person who is not a true friend might exhibit signs like constant negativity, lack of support, disrespecting your boundaries, and taking more than they give.

Remember, actions often speak louder than words. So, pay attention to how they treat you, especially in challenging times. 

Are they there for you? Do they respect your feelings and your boundaries? Your answers to these questions can help you determine whether someone is a true friend or not.

How do you know when it’s time to get rid of a friend?

Knowing when to distance yourself or cut ties with a friend can be difficult. But, there are some telltale signs. 

For instance, if your friend constantly drains your energy, disrespects you, or makes you feel undervalued, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

Also, reflect on how you feel after spending time with them. If you often feel stressed, disrespected, or unhappy, it’s a clear sign something isn’t right. 

Friendships should bring joy and comfort, not constant distress. In such situations, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and part ways.

How do you know if your friends value you?

Knowing if your friends value you comes down to their actions. 

A friend who values you will respect your boundaries, appreciate your time, and show up for you when you need them. They’re not just present in the good times; they stand by you during your challenging times too.

Moreover, they’ll communicate with you, respect your feelings, and treat you with kindness. They won’t belittle you or make you feel like an option. 

Remember, a friend who values you will make sure you feel appreciated and important in the friendship. It’s about mutual respect and understanding.


Conclusion

Just because a friend shows these signs doesn’t make them “a bad person” per say. There are several reasons that could make friends grow apart. 

Sometimes friends just outgrow each other. There are also cases where proximity might make you change your circle and drift away from old friends. 

So, just to be clear, this article isn’t about pointing fingers or condemning anyone. It’s simply to make you see the signs and probably consider changing your circle of friends to the ones that are more available and reciprocal. 



All photos from freepik.com

Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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