So, you’re thinking about sliding into a friends with benefits (FWB) arrangement with your ex?
Sounds like a convenient fix to get the best of both worlds, right? Well, not exactly.
Jumping back into a casual thing with someone you used to date might seem easy and fun at first. But, trust me, it can get pretty complicated.
When you mix old feelings with a new kind of relationship, things don’t always go as planned.
Before you decide to go down this path, it’s important to think about what you’re getting into.
Sure, hanging out without the stress of a serious relationship sounds nice. But, what about when old feelings pop up? Or when one of you starts seeing someone else?
It can get messy and hurtful.
So, let’s take a closer look at why staying friends with benefits with an ex is not the best idea.
1. Emotional Entanglement
First off, let’s talk emotions.
You and your ex have a history, packed with memories, fights, and intimate moments.
Attempting to transition into a FWB situation can blur the lines between past romance and current, casual interactions.
One person might still have lingering feelings, making it a breeding ground for jealousy and unresolved issues.
Imagine trying to keep things “chill” while old love songs trigger a wave of nostalgia and longing. Not exactly the carefree vibe you were going for, huh?
Moreover, navigating this emotional minefield can be tricky. Each casual encounter might reignite hope for reconciliation, setting you up for disappointment.
It’s like playing emotional roulette, where every meet-up risks spiraling into a mess of mixed signals.
And let’s be real, maintaining a strict no-feelings policy with someone you once dreamed of a future with is easier said than done.
Consider the aftermath of these entanglements. Should one of you start dating someone new, the FWB arrangement can complicate or even sabotage this fresh start. It’s tough to fully move on when you’re still physically connected to your past.
So, while the idea of a no-strings-attached setup with your ex might seem appealing, the emotional consequences can be anything but simple.
2. You Won’t Create Space for Better Relationships
Hanging onto a FWB situation with your ex takes up emotional and mental bandwidth that could otherwise be open to new relationships.
When you’re tied up with someone from your past, even just casually, you’re not fully available to meet someone new who could be a better match for you.
This setup can act like a placeholder, preventing you from putting yourself out there and experiencing the excitement of getting to know someone new.
Being stuck in this cycle can also skew your perception of what you deserve in a relationship.
You might settle into the comfort of having someone familiar around, which can dull your desire to seek out a relationship that offers both emotional and physical fulfillment.
Without making room in your life for potential partners, you miss out on the chance to discover a connection that truly resonates with your current needs and aspirations.
Furthermore, staying entangled with an ex can lead to a fear of vulnerability.
Opening up to someone new requires courage and a leap of faith—qualities that are hard to muster when you’re still involved with someone from your past.
Moving on fully means embracing the unknown and allowing yourself the opportunity to build something new and possibly more meaningful.
[Related: 10 Signs Your Ex is Pretending to Be Over You]
3. Hinders Personal Growth
Moving on to the second point, let’s chat about personal growth. Post-breakup periods can be pivotal for self-discovery and development.
It’s a time to reflect on what went wrong, what you truly want, and how you can grow from the experience.
However, jumping into a FWB situation with your ex can put a halt to this journey. It’s like taking a detour back to comfort zone city, where change is slow and self-improvement is on pause.
Staying tethered to your ex in this way can prevent you from exploring new relationships and experiences that could teach you more about yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner.
Sure, it’s familiar and easy, but it won’t broaden your horizons or challenge you to grow.
Think about the message you’re sending to yourself by choosing this path. It might indicate a fear of stepping into the unknown or a reluctance to face the discomfort of growth.
Embracing change, meeting new people, and trying different things can be daunting but rewarding.
Sticking with an FWB arrangement with your ex, however, might just keep you stuck in a loop, missing out on the personal evolution that’s waiting just around the corner.
4. Social Complications
Let’s not forget about the social implications.
Friends and family who witnessed the ups and downs of your relationship might be confused or concerned by your decision to maintain a casual arrangement with your ex.
It can put them in awkward positions, especially if they’re expected to hang out with both of you post-breakup.
Plus, explaining your complicated dynamics to new or potential partners can be a headache.
It’s like saying, “Yes, we broke up, but we still see each other casually,” which might not sit well with everyone.
Moreover, the gossip mill loves a juicy story, and your FWB situation could become the talk of the town among your social circles.
This scrutiny can add unnecessary pressure and stress, making it harder for both of you to move on peacefully. It’s important to consider how this arrangement affects not only your emotional well-being but also your social life and relationships with others.
Furthermore, maintaining a healthy friendship with an ex is possible, but adding the benefits aspect can muddy the waters and lead to misunderstandings.
As time goes on, one of you might meet someone new, and transitioning from FWB to just friends can be challenging.
The boundaries that were once blurred need to be redrawn, and this process can strain or even sever the friendship you were trying to preserve.
5. It Can Lead to an Unhealthy Routine
Getting back into the familiar can sometimes feel comfortable but not necessarily what’s best for you right now.
Keeping up a FWB relationship with an ex often means you’re circling back to old patterns instead of moving forward. You might find yourself in a loop, where you’re meeting up for the same reasons, having the same conversations, and maybe even rehashing old arguments.
Besides, continuing to hook up with an ex can also mean you’re not giving yourself the space to explore what else is out there.
There’s a whole world of people with whom you could connect on a deep, meaningful level.
Staying in a safety net with your ex might feel easy, but it can also be a barrier to discovering relationships that could offer you more fulfillment and happiness.
And let’s not overlook the fact that this cycle can make it hard to define what you really want out of relationships in the future.
If you’re always going back to your ex, when do you have the chance to figure out what different or better might look like for you?
Breaking out of this routine opens up a path to learning more about your desires, boundaries, and what you truly value in a partner.
6. It Can Cloud Your Judgment
When emotions are involved, seeing things clearly can be challenging.
Keeping a FWB relationship with an ex can make it tough to evaluate new relationships or potential partners with a clear head.
You might compare everyone new to your ex, not because they’re the standard, but because they’re what’s familiar.
Moreover, the comfort of having someone familiar can make you overlook or excuse red flags in your ex that you wouldn’t tolerate from someone new.
It’s easy to fall into a “devil you know” mentality, which can keep you from holding out for a relationship that truly meets your needs and respects your boundaries.
The influence of an ongoing physical connection can also skew your feelings about how compatible you two really are as partners.
Just because the chemistry is there, it doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy or fulfilling on an emotional or intellectual level.
It’s crucial to differentiate between physical attraction and compatibility in other aspects of a relationship.
7. It May Impact Your Self-Esteem
Engaging in a FWB arrangement with an ex can sometimes take a toll on how you see yourself.
If you’re not careful, it can lead to feelings of being stuck or not worthy of a relationship that fully meets your needs.
Especially if one person is more invested than the other, it can create a dynamic where you feel like you’re settling for less than you deserve.
Imagine constantly questioning why things can’t just go back to the way they were, which can make anyone feel less than great about themselves.
Furthermore, if the arrangement ends abruptly or if your ex finds someone new while you’re still in this casual setup, it can leave you feeling rejected all over again.
It’s like getting the same bruise in the exact same spot – it hurts even more the second time around.
Such situations can lead to questioning your value and wondering why you’re not “enough” for a more committed relationship.
Building a strong sense of self-worth is crucial, and sometimes that means stepping away from situations or relationships that don’t serve your best interests.
Remember, you deserve someone who wants all of you, not just the convenience of your company without commitment.
Investing time in yourself, your passions, and your personal growth can boost your confidence and help you attract the kind of relationship that celebrates and uplifts you.
8. The Closure Process Gets Complicated
Finally, achieving closure from a past relationship is critical for emotional health and readiness to embrace future relationships wholeheartedly.
However, maintaining a FWB situation with an ex can muddy the waters, making it challenging to find that sense of closure.
Closure is about understanding and accepting that a chapter in your life has ended and feeling at peace with it.
This process allows you to learn from the experience and grow, preparing you for healthier, happier relationships in the future.
But if you’re holding on to a physical relationship with someone you’ve had an emotional history with, it can delay or disrupt this necessary healing process.
Additionally, seeking closure while continuing a FWB arrangement can send mixed signals to yourself and your ex.
It complicates your emotional landscape, making it hard to discern whether you’re moving forward or just hovering in place.
True closure requires space and time away from the relationship to reflect, heal, and eventually, move on.
[Interesting: Seeing Your Ex For The First Time After No Contact: How Do You Act?]
FAQs
Is it possible to be FWB with an ex?
Yes, it’s possible to be FWB with an ex, but it’s not always a good idea. When you try to keep things casual with someone you used to have strong feelings for, it can get messy.
You might think you can handle it, but old feelings can sneak up on you. Plus, it can make moving on to new relationships harder.
So, while you can do it, think carefully if it’s really worth it.
Does hooking up with an ex mean anything?
Hooking up with an ex can mean different things for different people. For some, it might just be a moment of weakness or comfort.
For others, it could mean that there are still feelings there. The important thing is to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it and what you hope to get out of it.
If you’re not careful, it can lead to confusion and hurt feelings.
Can you be good friends with your ex?
Yes, you can be good friends with your ex, but it takes time and effort.
Right after a breakup, it’s usually a good idea to take a break from each other so you can heal and move on.
Once you’re both over the relationship and the feelings have cooled down, you can start building a friendship.
Just remember, being friends means respecting each other’s boundaries and not dragging old relationship drama into your new friendship.
What to do after hooking up with an ex?
After hooking up with an ex, the best thing to do is to talk about it. Be honest with each other about why it happened and what you both want moving forward.
If it was just a one-time thing, make that clear. If it’s making you question your feelings, discuss that too.
The key is to communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. And remember, it’s okay to decide that it’s best to keep your distance and focus on moving forward separately.