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Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be… well, let’s be honest, it’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom. 

No matter how much love or effort you pour in, it never seems enough. It feels like he just doesn’t ‘get’ or understand your emotions. 

He’s there, but not really there. It feels like you’re in a relationship with a brick wall, and it’s starting to wear you down. 

You’re looking for that deep connection, for someone who’s emotionally present, and it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen with him.

Guess what? It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to say goodbye. 

If you are ready, here’s a guide on how to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man in 10 steps.

1. Acknowledge The Situation For What It Is

First and foremost, acknowledging the situation is vital. You must understand that you can’t change a person who doesn’t see a problem with their actions. 

Realize that it’s not your fault that the man you’re saying goodbye to is emotionally unavailable.

Let’s be clear here. Acceptance doesn’t mean you are okay with the situation. It’s simply acknowledging the reality of the person and relationship you are dealing with. 

It’s coming to terms with the fact that his emotional unavailability is his issue, not yours.

Once you acknowledge this, you will stop blaming yourself. You’ll realize you did your best, and you have no reason to feel guilty. 

It’s a painful process, but a necessary one. Let’s call it a healing kind of pain, the kind that leads to growth and self-discovery.

2. Seek Support

Saying goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man

No woman is an island, especially when dealing with emotionally charged situations. 

Don’t underestimate the power of a strong support system. These can be friends, family, or even a professional counselor or therapist.

People who love and care about you will understand your situation. They will offer a listening ear, provide advice, and be there to comfort you when times get tough. 

Sharing your feelings and experiences with them can alleviate some of the burdens you may be carrying.

3. Create Emotional Distance

Creating emotional distance may involve mentally preparing yourself for the breakup. 

Think about why this step is necessary for your wellbeing, and remind yourself of this when things get tough. 

This process is never straightforward or easy. There might be moments when you’ll feel lonely, moments of self-doubt. 

It’s crucial at these times to remind yourself why you started this process. Reach out to your support network, lean on them when you need to, and trust that you’re making the right decision.

4. Communicate Clearly and Directly

Emotionally unavailable man

Pick a suitable time and place for this conversation. Choose an environment where you both feel safe and comfortable. 

Express yourself honestly, but respectfully, being clear about your intentions to leave the relationship.

Your emotions are valid, and you have the right to express them. However, brace yourself for potential denial or deflection from the emotionally unavailable man. 

Despite this, stand your ground and stay true to your feelings.

5. Set Boundaries

This means clearly defining what you will and won’t accept from this point forward. It may include physical distance, limiting communication, or even blocking him on social media.

You have the right to protect your space. While setting boundaries can feel harsh, be reminded that it’s for your recovery and growth.

If you decide to limit communication or cut ties completely, that’s your decision to make. 

6. Look After Yourself

How say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man

During this time, it’s natural to feel a sense of loss, but be aware that you’re also gaining the opportunity for personal growth.

Invest time in activities that you enjoy. Exercise regularly, maintain a balanced diet, and get plenty of sleep. 

In addition, explore activities that promote emotional and mental wellbeing. This could be meditating, journaling, or taking up a new hobby. 

7. Forgive

This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened but rather, it’s about letting go of resentment, which serves no purpose other than to keep you tied to the past.

Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about freeing yourself from the burden of negative emotions.

Also, remember to forgive yourself. It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of self-blame, but know that you did the best you could.

8. Taking Time to Heal

Healing may mean different things to different people. For some, it might mean diving into a new hobby or interest. 

For others, it might mean spending time in nature or practicing mindfulness. 

Find activities that help you reconnect with yourself and bring you joy. Be patient with yourself, and acknowledge every little step you take towards healing as a victory.

9. Reflecting on The Relationship

Emotionally draining relationships

Reflection is an important part of the healing process and an essential step in learning from your experiences. 

This can help you identify patterns, understand where things went wrong, and learn what you want and don’t want in a future relationship.

Take some time to think about the relationship. What were the warning signs? How did the emotional unavailability affect you? What will you look out for in the future? 

The answers to these questions can provide invaluable insights for your future relationships.

10. Embrace The Future

It’s okay to mourn what was lost, but it’s equally important to embrace the future. 

Think of the breakup not as a failure, but as a learning experience. It’s an opportunity for you to grow and become a stronger, wiser version of yourself.

Explore new interests, meet new people, and be open to new experiences. Each step you take is a step towards healing, growth, and a healthier future. 

You are not defined by this past relationship but by the strength you’ve shown in saying goodbye.

Every end marks a new beginning.


1. What are some signs of emotional unavailability?

Emotional unavailability often presents itself through certain patterns of behavior. 

For instance, an emotionally unavailable person might have a pattern of avoiding serious conversations about feelings or the future of the relationship. 

They might often appear detached, distant, or disinterested in emotional topics, and might rely heavily on humor or sarcasm to deflect more meaningful discussions.

Another sign could be a lack of empathy or difficulty in understanding and acknowledging your feelings. 

They might struggle to express their own feelings as well, preferring to keep their emotions under wraps. If these patterns persist over time, it could indicate that the person is emotionally unavailable.

2. How do you deal with the pain of saying goodbye to someone you still love?

Saying goodbye to someone you still have feelings for is undoubtedly one of the most challenging situations to navigate. 

Start by allowing yourself to feel the pain and grief. Suppressing these emotions might offer temporary relief, but they’ll resurface later, making the healing process more difficult.

Then surround yourself with a support network. Loved ones can provide comfort, validation, and a much-needed distraction during this challenging time. 

3. Can an emotionally unavailable man become emotionally available?

In theory, yes, an emotionally unavailable man can become emotionally available, but it requires a personal decision and significant effort on his part. 

Emotional availability is deeply intertwined with an individual’s past experiences, their fear of vulnerability, and their ability to cope with emotions. To become emotionally available, one must confront these issues head-on, which is a process that often requires professional help.

If he shows no signs of wanting to change or seek help, it might be in your best interest to move on, as hard as it might be.

4. How can I stop attracting emotionally unavailable men?

If you find yourself repeatedly attracting emotionally unavailable men, it might be worth reflecting on your relationship patterns. 

Sometimes, we subconsciously gravitate towards emotionally unavailable partners because of unresolved issues in our own lives, such as a fear of commitment or a history of unstable relationships.

To break this cycle, recognize the pattern. Work on building your self-esteem and understanding your self-worth. 

Once you realize that you deserve more than what these relationships have been offering, you’ll be less likely to settle for an emotionally unavailable partner. 

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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