When two people decide to share their lives, they hope for a foundation of trust. Trust is like glue in a relationship. It holds everything together.
But what if that trust starts to crack? Deception, which means hiding the truth or not being completely honest, can be one of those cracks.
When someone deceives, it can hurt feelings and break trust. But how do you know if someone is being deceptive?
In this article, we will talk about some signs that might show that someone is not being honest in a relationship.
These signs are like little alarms. They can tell us that dishonesty is at play in our relationship.
Note that just because you see a sign doesn’t mean deception is happening for sure. But seeing a cluster of these signs can mean there’s something going on.
1. Overreacting to Questions
You might ask something innocent, and in return, get an overtly defensive or aggressive response. The overreaction can stem from underlying guilt or the fear of getting caught.
This kind of behavior often leaves the other person feeling confused or like they’ve done something wrong, even when their query was non-confrontational.
It’s a tactic, whether conscious or not, to deflect from the deception and focus the energy elsewhere.
Always remember that genuine queries and concerns in a relationship deserve genuine responses. It’s essential to differentiate between someone having a bad day and a consistent pattern of overreactions.
2. Evasive Answers
Honesty comes naturally in a truthful conversation. However, a deceptive individual might struggle to give straightforward answers.
Their responses could be vague, overly complex, or just not align with the simplicity of the question asked.
In addition, if they consistently sidestep particular topics or avoid answering specific questions, it might indicate they’re hiding something.
It’s as if they’re walking through a minefield, trying their best not to step on any revealing details.
Observing the way someone communicates can provide insights into their sincerity. A genuine conversation flows, while deceptive dialogue feels disjointed and evasive.
[Interesting: The 7 Hallmarks Of A Good Relationship]
3. A Sudden Change in Baseline Behavior
Every person has a “baseline” behavior – a standard way they act, communicate, or respond when they’re genuine and relaxed.
When someone starts to lie, there’s often a noticeable deviation from this behavior. It might manifest as a sudden nervous tick, heightened agitation, or even over-politeness.
Such changes can be subtle, so keen observation is crucial.
For example, someone who is typically calm might become noticeably fidgety when discussing specific subjects.
Always remember that occasional deviations from baseline behavior are natural and can result from various stressors. It’s the consistent, topic-specific changes that might indicate deception.
4. Defensive Stance
A deceptive person often becomes defensive quickly, even if the conversation isn’t accusatory. It’s like they’re always on guard, ready to deflect any potential exposure of their deceit.
A simple query might be met with an intense reaction, making the asker feel like they crossed a line.
This heightened defensiveness could be accompanied by counter-accusations. Instead of addressing the topic at hand, they might shift blame or accuse the other person of similar deeds.
While it’s human nature to become defensive when we feel threatened, constant defensiveness, especially without provocation, might be a red flag.
5. Inconsistent Stories
Another hallmark of deception is inconsistency. If someone tells a tale one day and then slightly alters it the next time, it’s a sign that they might not be truthful.
Keeping track of lies can be challenging, leading to these slip-ups.
To clarify, memory is fallible, and we all might remember events differently over time.
However, there’s a difference between minor memory lapses and glaring inconsistencies in a recounted story.
Paying attention to these discrepancies, especially if they concern crucial events or timelines, can help identify if someone’s being truthful.
[Related: Why Your Partner Keeps Entertaining Others While In A Relationship]
6. Avoiding Eye Contact
While not universal, many individuals find it challenging to maintain eye contact when being deceitful. Eyes are often described as the windows to the soul.
Avoiding eye contact can be an unconscious attempt to hide guilt, shame, or the act of lying.
However, in some cultures, direct eye contact can be seen as aggressive or impolite. So, it’s essential to understand the individual’s cultural background and personal habits before jumping to conclusions.
While avoiding eye contact can sometimes signal deception, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. Look for patterns and corroborate with other signs.
7. Overemphasis or Unnecessary Details
When someone is fabricating a story, they might add unnecessary details to make it sound more believable. This overemphasis on specifics can come across as rehearsed.
For instance, instead of saying they went to a cafe, they might describe the cafe’s decor, the barista’s appearance, and the song playing in the background, even when these details are irrelevant to the conversation.
The addition of these details can be an attempt to paint a vivid picture, hoping that the listener will find the tale more credible.
However, it’s crucial to discern between someone who naturally loves sharing details and someone who’s adding them to bolster a lie.Â
[Interesting: What Does It Mean When Someone is Territorial in a Relationship?]
8. Overcompensating Behavior
One telltale sign of deception is when someone suddenly becomes overly affectionate or attentive out of the blue.
This sudden change could be their way of overcompensating for their deceptive behavior, hoping to deflect suspicion.
Think of it as a smokescreen, meant to cloud judgment or distract from something they’d rather keep hidden.
It’s also worth noting that this behavior might be accompanied by extravagant gifts or surprise plans.
While surprises and gifts are natural in a relationship, the timing and frequency might give away their underlying intention.
The key is to notice if these actions are out of character for your partner.
9. A Sudden Emotional Distance
One of the signs that might point towards deception is a sudden emotional detachment. You might feel like the person is not as engaged or invested in the relationship as before.
This detachment can be a way to guard against the guilt or the complexities of their deception. They might be trying to avoid moments that would make them vulnerable or expose their true feelings.
Moreover, emotional distance isn’t just about reduced affection or time spent together. It’s about the quality of your interactions.
Conversations might feel more surface-level, and the depth you once experienced seems to fade.
While it’s natural for relationships to have ebbs and flows, a persistent coldness can signal something amiss.
10. Overuse of Assurances
Sometimes, a deceptive person might frequently use phrases like “Trust me,” “I would never lie to you,” or “Believe me” more than usual.
Repetition of these phrases, especially when not prompted, can be a subconscious way to convince themselves and others of their honesty.
It’s like an unsolicited validation they’re offering, hoping it’ll bridge the gap their deception has created.
Relationships thrive on trust, not just words. So, while assurances are comforting, they should be backed by consistent, trustworthy actions.
What are examples of deception in a relationship?
Common examples in a relationship include hiding financial troubles, such as debt or reckless spending habits, from a partner.
Another frequent deception involves concealing communication with someone, like an ex or a new friend, especially if the nature of such communication is flirtatious or inappropriate.
Larger betrayals often involve infidelity, whether emotional or physical. In some cases, individuals might even hide critical personal details, such as past marriages, children, or ongoing legal issues.
Essentially, any action or omission designed to present a false image or hide the truth from a partner can be considered deception.
How do you know if your boyfriend is deceitful?
Identifying deceit in a boyfriend or any partner often revolves around recognizing inconsistencies in their words and actions.
This might manifest as them being evasive when asked specific questions or providing stories that change over time.
Behaviorally, they might become distant, overprotective of their devices, or change their routines inexplicably.
Psychological signs include being overly defensive, overcompensating with affection, or avoiding eye contact more frequently.
Another indicator is your intuition. If something feels off, it’s crucial to consider why you’re feeling that way.
Trust is built over time, and if you consistently feel like you’re being kept in the dark or that something’s amiss, it’s worth addressing those feelings head-on.
[Read: 16 Signs A Man Is Using You For Money]
What are the effects of deception in a relationship?
Deception can have profound and lasting impacts on a relationship. It erodes trust, which is the foundation of any strong relationship.
When trust is compromised, insecurity and doubt can seep in, leading to increased conflicts, misunderstandings, and emotional distancing.
Partners may begin to question the validity of their shared experiences, wondering how much of their relationship is genuine.
This emotional turmoil can cause stress, anxiety, and even depression. If deception continues or if the root cause isn’t addressed, the relationship can break down entirely.
Even if the deceitful act was small, the breach of trust can cause outsized harm, making future interactions fraught with suspicion.
What do you do when you find out your partner is deceptive?
Discovering that your partner has been deceptive can be heart-wrenching. The first step is to take some time for yourself to process the information, ensuring you understand the extent and implications of the deceit.
Once you’ve processed your feelings, open a line of communication with your partner. Approach the conversation with the aim to understand rather than accuse.
Ask them about their reasons for the deception and express how their actions have made you feel.
Depending on the gravity of the deceit and the conversations that follow, consider seeking couples’ therapy or counseling to navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust.
Every situation is unique, and while some relationships can recover and even become stronger after addressing deceit, others might require more significant reflection on whether or not the relationship should continue.
- All photos via freepik.com