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If you’re a young guy trying to wrap your head around “how to handle your first date” or “how to attract women fast!” then you must have come across them.

The self-anointed alpha male dating coaches with no credentials or licenses, exploiting the ignorance of young men, encouraging them to never be vulnerable with women.

Sure, there are some genuine and helpful dating coaches out there, but the majority of these coaches who like to call themselves “alpha males” are dishing out outrightly toxic advice.

Being a decent guy isn’t cool anymore

Do you call or text girls after a first date? Then you’re a simp.

Have you ever told any woman you loved her? You’re a simp.

Do you always open the door for your woman? You’re a mega simp.

For a toxic alpha male coach, a man should never show emotions. They believe beautiful women are always placed on a pedestal, and it’s the job of the “alpha male” to bring her down.

Anything you do in the direction of care, love, or commitment is seen as “simping”.

The alternative? Well, the toxic alpha male dating coach will tell you “Never pay her a compliment.” “Treat her like she doesn’t matter that much to you.”

They’ll often advise their followers to “Break her ego.” And they give these sorts of advice with the assumption that pretty women pay attention to guys who treat them differently.

However, there are many ways to stand out as a guy without having to be a “mean alpha male.”

People stand out through their strength of character.

If the woman you’re interested in doesn’t want you because she thinks you’re too decent for her, you shouldn’t change your values because you want to become the mean alpha male that every woman loves.

A good woman will appreciate a good man when she sees one.

Toxic alpha male dating coaches exploit the ignorance of young men

toxic alpha male dating coaches

Most of the guys watching these dating coaches are young. These young guys are desperate for someone to just tell them what to do.

And most of them, with all the frustration and anxiety they’ve had dealing with women, openly grab anything anyone who has enough “alpha male act” will tell them.

Anyone can easily cook up stories about how they picked up ten girls in one night with one bazaar alpha male strategy and they’ll believe it. Why?

They are looking for a prescription. Going out to try things out for yourself is difficult. We are always trying to minimize chaos.

Hence, most young guys will rather sit back and relax with their YouTube videos and watch someone they believe knows it all tell them what to do.

And dating coaches understand this. They know all they have to do is sound convincing enough.

They get a good hairstyle, hire beautiful models, shoot videos and take pictures with them, showing their young and hungry followers that their strategies work.

[Related: 10 Reasons Why Dating Is So Hard For Guys]

They teach young men to never grow up

It takes emotional maturity to be vulnerable.

Building a great relationship with one person is beautiful and also difficult.

When you were sixteen, you probably had fantasies of having a dozen big butt models chasing after you.

But when you grow up, you realize that there are far more important things in life than having multiple women around you.

First of all, grown-ups have jobs. They have bills to pay. There’s barely enough time for themselves, let alone time for sexual escapades.

Hence, learning to build something solid with one partner is what grown-ups do.

But the toxic alpha male coach thinks it’s a bad idea to show commitment. They’ll tell you a woman will value you less if she thinks she’s your priority.

Showing vulnerability is considered a big simp move. Why?

“I’m an alpha male. I have to be tough, masculine, and dominant all the time. Showing vulnerability makes me weak.” This is the definition of a grown-up boy.

They make young men more insecure

The average alpha male dating coach will share his experience with women in almost all his videos.

He’ll go ahead to tell how he already started having sex with this hot girl just after ten minutes of talking to her.

Is the story true? Well, there’s no way to find out. So who cares?

Their unrealistic standards cause so much pressure. They make young guys assume they have to be out every night having sex with multiple women before they can feel like they are real men.

This mindset, of course, only makes these guys more insecure in their abilities to interact with women.

They come to tie their masculinity and self-esteem to the kind of response they get with women. The more rejection they get, the more insecure they become.

The reality is that every girl cannot connect with you. Trying to interact with people to get something in return will only make you come off as unnatural and most likely lead to rejection.

The best kinds of connections happen naturally. Take your mind off trying to get something and learn to enjoy social settings. Learn to truly care about people. That’s how you healthily attract women.

[Also Read: 10 Biggest Dating Mistakes Guys Make With Women]

Most alpha male coaches are just playing the part

alpha male dating coaches

The alpha male dating coach beating his chest and telling you to man up may be living in mom’s basement.

He may even have it worse with women than you. You may be more hardworking and more accomplished than he is. But you wouldn’t know that.

In reality, there is so much more to life that makes you a man than just being able to get along with women.

Be a person of integrity, who inspires others to be better. Work hard and build a life you’re proud of. Respect people. Be a force for good in society. Learn to stand up for what you believe.

These sorts of things matter more and will help you gain respect and admiration than playing mind games.

[Interesting: 4 Hard Truths About Chasing Women Most Men Don’t Know]

Red pill advice has become toxic advice

Most toxic dating coaches come in the disguise of bringing red pill advice to young men.

But the red pill simply means not being disillusioned anymore about the realities of the world. Telling young men that being vulnerable or showing emotions makes them weak isn’t a red pill, it’s a toxic pill.

If you’ve listened to some of these coaches and you think turning away from the decent person that you are will bring the attention and respect of women, have a rethink.

As the ancient German philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer wrote in his Counsels and Maxims,

“If you have to live amongst men, you must allow everyone the right to exist in accordance with the character he has, whatever it turns out to be.” 

You’ll never be able to control how others react to you, and you shouldn’t try to.

Deciding to become a mean person because you think that’s what will bring the respect and attention of women will only frustrate you.

Besides, why should you be interested in a woman that wants you to be a “bad boy” before she likes you?

Find those who connect with you, who will appreciate who you are. Save yourself from unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Your masculinity isn’t measured by the number of women you can attract. Believe me, there are far more important things to be done in our world.

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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