When a guy starts to pull away in a relationship, it can feel like your world is crashing down.
Your mind races with questions. Why is he distancing himself? What did I do wrong? Should I try to fix things or let him go?
It’s natural to feel anxious, upset, and confused. But sometimes, the best course of action might be to do nothing.
Now, I know this might sound strange. You might wonder, “Do nothing? Really? But won’t that just push him further away?”
That’s a valid concern, and I’m here to walk you through why this counter-intuitive approach might just be the game-changer you need.
In this article, we’re going to dive into why sometimes, when a guy pulls away, the best thing you can do is… well, do nothing.
We’ll explore the psychological reasons behind this, how it can reshape your relationship dynamics, and more importantly, why it can be beneficial for you.
This isn’t about playing games or trying to manipulate his feelings. It’s about understanding human nature, respecting his personal space, and ultimately building a healthier relationship while also preserving your self-worth.
1. The Intrigue of Uncertainty
Humans, by nature, are curious creatures. We desire to solve mysteries, to put together pieces of a puzzle that doesn’t quite fit. This is because we love order, not chaos.
So, when he pulls away, and you do nothing, it piques his curiosity. He’s left wondering about your reaction, or rather the lack of it. What could you be thinking?
Why aren’t you chasing him? The questions swirl in his mind, and before he knows it, he’s intrigued, captivated by the enigma that you’ve become.
The beauty of this approach is it not only hooks his interest but also gives him space to think about his feelings, to make sense of whatever led him to pull away.
Space and time often bring clarity, you see. And in this period of confusion, you’re not being pushy or demanding. Instead, you’re showing respect for his space, demonstrating maturity that might just be the balm for his ruffled emotions.
In essence, by doing nothing, you’re encouraging him to come to a resolution on his own. You’re enabling him to miss you, to realize your value in his life.Â
[Related: 7 Reasons Why Women Pull Away from Men]
2. You Show Independence
The art of pulling away subtly points to the significance of independence in a relationship.
Now, I’m not talking about the kind of independence where you live separate lives, far from it.
This is about emotional independence, the kind that signifies you’re two whole individuals coexisting in a relationship, not two halves trying to complete each other.
When he pulls away, and you step back instead of rushing in, it sends a potent message. It says, ‘I value you and our relationship, but I also value myself.’
You see, while it’s easy to get lost in the whirlwind of romance, it’s important to retain your sense of self. To remember that you were an individual before the relationship, and you continue to be one within it.
This self-reliance doesn’t weaken your bond; it strengthens it. It fosters a relationship of equals, where both parties bring something unique to the table. Where you’re not just lovers, but also friends, partners, allies.
When you do nothing, you’re not being passive; you’re actively encouraging this dynamic of equality and independence.
3. Avoiding The Cycle of Chasing
Now, there’s something about the ‘chase’ that has always been romanticized. The thrill, the suspense, the final victory – it’s almost like a Hollywood movie, isn’t it?
But real life isn’t a movie, and more often than not, the chase ends up being a draining, endless cycle.
The moment he pulls away and you chase him, you’re setting a pattern. You’re showing him that it’s okay for him to pull away because you’ll always be there, running after him.
This might not be intentional on his part, but it becomes a sort of habit, a go-to mechanism whenever things get tough.
But when you break that pattern, when you decide not to chase, you’re putting an end to this cycle.
You’re showing him that your world doesn’t revolve around his actions, that you have boundaries, and that you deserve respect. This break might jolt him, make him rethink his actions, his approach to your relationship.
[Read: Why Men Pull Away: 5 Dating Mistakes Women Make]
4. Preserving Your Self-Esteem
Relationships, while they should bring happiness, can sometimes cause pain, especially when the balance is off.
When you’re constantly the one making efforts, it can lead to feelings of being unappreciated or unworthy.
By choosing to step back, you’re taking a stand for yourself. You’re reminding yourself that you’re important, that your feelings matter, that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
This stand isn’t just about the relationship; it’s about your mental health, your emotional well-being.
Choosing to do nothing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength. It’s you standing up for yourself, prioritizing your happiness.
It’s about you recognizing that a relationship is a two-way street and refusing to be the only one putting in the work.
You’re fostering a relationship where there’s mutual respect, where there’s balance. And you’re ensuring that your self-esteem isn’t compromised, that you don’t lose yourself in the process of loving someone else.
5. The Art of Patience
Think about it for a moment. The world we live in today, it’s all about instant gratification, isn’t it?
The quickest response wins, the faster solution prevails. Yet, in relationships, it seems like the old adage, ‘patience is a virtue’, still holds strong.
When he pulls away, and you do nothing, you’re exhibiting patience. Instead of reacting instantly, seeking immediate answers, you’re choosing to wait.
You’re choosing to give him the space he needs to figure things out, to come to a decision. Patience, in this context, is not passive; it’s active, it’s deliberate.
You’re not just waiting; you’re showing him that you trust him enough to come to a conclusion. That you respect his process, his need for space. This respect, this patience, can be the catalyst for a deeper, stronger bond.
In essence, you’re inviting him to meet you halfway, at a pace that suits both of you. You’re setting a pace that fosters mutual understanding and respect, a pace that nurtures the relationship rather than stifling it.
[Related: What Is The Best Thing To Do When A Guy Pulls Away?]
6. The Role of Surprise
Alright, let’s talk about surprises. We all love them, don’t we? The unexpected gift, the unplanned trip, the surprise party.
Now, imagine the surprise he feels when he pulls away, expecting you to chase him, and you do nothing.
In many ways, this surprise is a reality check. It jolts him out of his assumptions, makes him reassess the situation.
It breaks the pattern, the predictability. And this break, this surprise, could be the nudge he needs to reconsider his actions.
Remember, you’re not just surprising him; you’re also challenging his assumptions about you and the relationship.
You’re encouraging him to view you, and the relationship, in a new light, a light that reflects strength, respect, and maturity.
So yes, surprises can be powerful, even when they are as simple as doing nothing. They can push boundaries, shatter stereotypes, and pave the way for a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other.
7. Redefining Power Dynamics
Every relationship has power dynamics, a balance – often subconscious – that defines the roles and interactions between the two parties involved.
And when he pulls away, and you do nothing, you’re redefining these power dynamics.
You’re showing him that the power in a relationship is not about who chases whom, it’s about respect, understanding, and equality.
You’re shifting the focus from a game of power to a dance of love, a dance where both partners lead and follow in equal measure.
This shift is crucial, you see. Because relationships are not about power plays, they’re about partnership.
They’re about two individuals coming together to share a journey, not to dominate or be dominated.
By doing nothing, you’re making a stand for a healthier power dynamic, a dynamic that thrives on mutual respect, love, and understanding. You’re showing him that power in a relationship is not about control, but about being there for each other, through thick and thin.
[Related: 16 Sure Signs He Wants to Come Back to You]
8. Doing Nothing Can Make Him ReflectÂ
When life gets busy, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture, to forget what truly matters. And sometimes, a moment of pause, of reflection, can help clear the fog.
When he pulls away, and you do nothing, you’re providing him with an opportunity to reflect.
To take a step back and look at the relationship, to understand his feelings, his actions. This reflection can be enlightening, it can help him realize things he might not have noticed in the whirlwind of daily life.
You’re not just providing him with an opportunity to reflect, you’re also reflecting on your own.
You’re taking this time to understand your feelings, your actions. To reassess the relationship, to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.
In essence, you’re inviting both of you to reflect, to understand, to grow. You’re enabling a deeper connection, a stronger bond.
What if he doesn’t come back after pulling away?
Here’s the truth: there’s always a possibility that he might not come back. But it’s crucial to remember that if he decides not to return, it’s more about him than you.
It reflects his readiness for a relationship, his capacity to commit, and his personal struggles, among other things.
More importantly, you have to consider if someone who chooses not to return is really the kind of person you want in your life.
Remember, your worth is not dependent on whether someone stays or leaves. It’s inherent, constant, and unchanging. So, even if he doesn’t come back, know that you’re still valuable, still worthy of love.
How long should you wait when he pulls away?
There’s no hard and fast rule about the ‘right’ waiting period.
It’s a deeply personal decision that depends on numerous factors like the severity of the situation, the depth of your relationship, your personal tolerance levels, and so on.
It’s something you need to decide based on your comfort and understanding of the situation.
However, it’s important not to wait indefinitely. Remember, your life doesn’t revolve around someone else’s actions or decisions.
If the waiting period is causing you undue stress or affecting your mental health, it might be time to reconsider. Your wellbeing always comes first.
Should you talk to him about him pulling away?
Communication is always a good idea. But timing is key. Instead of confronting him as soon as you sense him pulling away, give it some time.
Let him process his feelings, his thoughts. Then, when the timing feels right, initiate a conversation. Express your feelings, your concerns, but also make sure to listen to his side of the story.
Remember, this conversation should come from a place of love and understanding, not blame or anger.
It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about understanding each other, about finding a middle ground that works for both of you.
How to maintain your self-esteem when he pulls away
Maintaining your self-esteem in such situations can be challenging, no doubt.
But it’s important to remember that his actions, his decisions, do not define your worth. You are not less valuable or less deserving of love because he pulled away.
Take this time to focus on yourself. Engage in activities you love, spend time with people who value you, take care of your physical and mental health.
This period could be an opportunity for self-growth, for self-love. Use it to reaffirm your worth, to strengthen your self-esteem. You are enough, just as you are.
- All photos from freepik.com