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Do you ever feel like you’re taking an unexpected test in your relationship? 

Like your partner is putting you through trials, watching your reactions, and judging your responses? 

If so, then this article is for you. We’re going to dive deep into understanding how and why guys test girls in relationships.

We’ll discuss the various ways a guy might be testing you – whether he’s making plans without you, often comparing you to others, or ignoring you. 

We’ll explain each point in detail, helping you recognize these behaviors and understand what they might mean for your relationship.

1. Mind Games and Mixed Signals

The first sign is mind games or mixed signals. These could manifest in different ways. 

For instance, one day he might shower you with affection, but the next, he could act distant. It can be confusing, especially when you’re trying to decipher his intentions. 

Men who utilize these tactics often aim to elicit a reaction. You might find yourself questioning where you stand, what you’ve done wrong, or why his attitude towards you seems to be on a constant seesaw. 

Their inconsistency breeds insecurity and can make you work harder to ‘win’ their affection. It’s a classic case of keeping you on your toes, a tactic that is as old as time itself.

Consequently, when you detect these behavior patterns, it’s important not to internalize them. Instead, try to communicate your feelings and ask for clarification. 

Sure, we all have off days, but consistent fluctuation is a cause for concern.

[Related: 10 Signs a Girl is Testing You Over Text]

2. He Constantly Challenges You

What should I do if I realize he's testing me?

He might provoke debates, question your beliefs, or confront you about your choices more than is typical in the early stages of getting to know each other. 

While having intellectual spars, or differing opinions, is a part of a healthy relationship, consistent questioning can indicate a potential test.

If every conversation starts to feel like an examination rather than an exchange, it’s a sign he may be testing you. 

This behavior can be exhausting. You’re in a relationship to build a bond, not to engage in an ongoing intellectual boxing match. The goal is mutual understanding and respect, not a competition.

Unfortunately, some men use challenges to measure how much you can tolerate or to make themselves feel superior. 

However, relationships should be about partnership, not power. Thus, if he continues to make you feel this way, it could be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

3. Infrequent or Uncertain Communication

Perhaps he takes an unusually long time to respond to your texts or calls, leaves you on ‘read’, or frequently cancels plans at the last minute. 

Any of these behaviors can make you feel less important and create an unsettling dynamic in your relationship.

He might be doing this to gauge your reaction – to see how much you care or how you react when things don’t go as planned. 

This tactic is often used by people who enjoy being in control and manipulating situations to their advantage.

It is unacceptable and disrespectful. A person who genuinely cares for you will prioritize communication and not use it as a tool to keep you off balance. 

The right partner will make you feel secure and valued, not anxious and unsure.

[Also read: 10 Warning Signs He is a Player]

4. His Friends Know Little About You

Signs he's testing you

Are you an unknown entity among his friends? This might be a red flag. When a guy is genuinely interested in you, he’ll introduce you to his friends. 

On the contrary, if his friends know little about you, it might indicate that he’s holding back or unsure about the relationship.

He could be using this scenario to see your reaction when you meet his friends and they seem oblivious about your existence. 

This setup can be unnerving and confusing, leaving you questioning the seriousness of your relationship.

In a healthy relationship, you should be a significant part of his life, which includes knowing his social circle. If you’re kept in the shadows, it may signal that he’s testing the waters before diving in.

5. Constantly Criticizes You

Is he often on the lookout for your flaws, ready to criticize you at the drop of a hat? This behavior might be a way of testing your reaction to his negative feedback. 

It’s a manipulative technique that can gradually erode your self-esteem, often leaving you feeling inadequate.

Nobody is perfect, and while constructive criticism is part of any relationship, an unending barrage of disparaging remarks is a whole different ball game. 

You might find yourself constantly trying to change or improve yourself to meet his unattainable standards.

Remember, a healthy relationship should build you up, not tear you down. So, stand up for yourself and know that it’s okay to walk away if the criticism becomes constant and destructive.

[Interesting: 10 Signs He Has Strong Feelings For You But Is Scared]

6. Your Feelings Are Often Disregarded

Why he is testing you

In a healthy relationship, both partners’ feelings should be equally respected and valued. 

Disregarding your feelings, whether it’s about significant decisions or trivial day-to-day matters, is a blatant sign of disrespect. 

It’s also a manipulative technique to test your reaction and tolerance.

A partner who disregards your feelings is essentially telling you that your thoughts, opinions, and emotions don’t matter to him. 

This situation could leave you feeling voiceless and unimportant, creating an unequal power dynamic.

Your feelings are valid, and they deserve to be heard and respected. If he can’t offer you that basic courtesy, he’s not worth your time or emotional investment.

7. He’s Secretive About His Personal Life

Another sign that he might be testing you is being secretive about his personal life. This means that you know very little about his background, his daily activities, or his future plans. 

You might notice that he avoids discussing his past or keeps changing the subject when you ask about his day.

By doing so, he maintains an air of mystery about him, perhaps to see how much curiosity you display or how much you trust him. 

You might find yourself constantly trying to dig deeper, getting more involved with him in the process.

In a strong and healthy relationship, both partners should be open books. So, watch out for these signs and know that you deserve to be with someone who trusts you and shares their life with you.

[Also read: 12 Signs He Is Getting Ready To Ask You Out]

8. His Compliments Are Conditional

Guy testing girl

Does he compliment you only when you dress a certain way or behave in a particular manner? 

Conditional compliments can be a subtle test. It’s a way to manipulate your behavior according to his preferences, making you wonder what you need to do to receive his approval.

Receiving a compliment should make you feel good about yourself, but when it’s contingent on something, it can make you feel controlled. 

It might seem like you’re walking on eggshells, always seeking validation from him.

You should be loved for who you are, not for who someone wants you to be. Hence, watch out for this sign, and if you notice it, remind yourself that you’re enough just as you are.

9. Neglects Your Emotional Needs

His disregard might seem subtle at first; for instance, brushing off your worries or not being there for you during a tough day. 

Over time, this neglect can result in feeling misunderstood, isolated, or even gaslighted.

Neglecting your emotional needs is an unfair test. He may be trying to figure out how much emotional stress you can handle or how you respond when support is lacking. 

This behavior might leave you second-guessing your emotions, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

Emotional support is a non-negotiable aspect of a healthy relationship. It’s about being there for each other, through thick and thin. 

You deserve someone who understands and respects your emotional needs, not someone who negates them.

[Related: How Long Does It Take For A Guy To Ask A Girl To Be His Girlfriend?]

10. Always Wants to Have the Upper Hand

Watch out for men who always need to have the upper hand. This behavior can manifest in various ways, such as making decisions without consulting you, dismissing your opinions, or always wanting to ‘win’ arguments.

Seeking the upper hand is often about control. He might be testing to see how much control he can exert over you, or he might be trying to establish a power dynamic where he’s in charge. 

In such cases, you might feel unheard or belittled, a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

A relationship should be a partnership, an equal give-and-take. It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about understanding, respecting, and growing together. If he’s constantly trying to have the upper hand, he might be testing you.

11. Frequently Compares You to Others

Why would a guy test a girl?

Another signal that a man might be testing you is if he frequently compares you to others. This could be anyone from his ex-partner, a friend, or even a celebrity. 

While occasional comparisons might be normal, if it’s a constant feature of your relationship, that’s a cause for concern.

This frequent comparison might be his way of seeing how you react or how far he can push you to change. 

And it’s an unfair test that can cause feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. You might find yourself constantly trying to measure up to the standard he has set based on his comparisons.

The right relationship should feel appreciated for who you are, not who someone else is. 

If he’s constantly comparing you to others, it’s not a testament of your worth but rather a sign that he’s testing you.

Stand tall, and don’t let anyone make you feel less than. You’re unique, and that’s what makes you special. If he can’t see that, then perhaps he’s not the one for you.

12. Keeps You Guessing About His Feelings

One moment he might seem head over heels for you, and the next, he might act distant. If you find yourself constantly trying to decipher his feelings, he might be testing you.

Keeping you guessing about his feelings might be a way to see how much you care or to maintain control in the relationship. And the constant uncertainty can lead to emotional exhaustion as you try to figure out where you stand in his life.

In a meaningful relationship, there should be no room for such uncertainty. Your partner should make you feel secure in their feelings for you. 


Why would a guy test a girl?

Guys might test girls for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it’s about trying to understand the girl better, gauging her reactions in different situations, or seeing how much she cares. 

In other instances, it’s a way for the guy to exert control in the relationship, maintain an upper hand, or create an unequal power dynamic. 

However, it’s important to understand that testing a partner in a relationship is neither fair nor healthy.

Tests can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and can erode a person’s self-esteem. They are not indicative of a secure, respectful, and loving relationship. 

Remember, in a healthy relationship, partners communicate openly about their feelings, insecurities, and expectations instead of resorting to mind games or tests.

How can you tell if you’re being tested in a relationship?

Recognizing if you’re being tested in a relationship can be tricky because it often involves subtle, nuanced behaviors. However, there are certain signs that can signal this. 

For instance, if the guy is often criticizing you, keeping you in the dark about his personal life, or dismissing your feelings, he might be testing you. 

If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, second-guessing his feelings for you, or feeling insecure in the relationship, these could be indications that you’re being tested.

Remember, your feelings are valid. If you feel like something is off, it’s important to trust your instincts. It’s always a good idea to have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. 

If the behavior continues despite your communication, consider seeking professional advice or even re-evaluating the relationship.

What should I do if I realize he’s testing me?

Firstly, acknowledging that you’re being tested is a big step. Once you’ve recognized this, it’s important to express your feelings and concerns. 

Let him know how his actions are impacting you and that you would prefer a more straightforward approach to your relationship.

If the testing behavior persists despite your conversations, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. It’s essential to remember that everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel secure, loved, and respected. 

You’re not obligated to stay in a situation where your feelings are continuously disregarded or manipulated. 

Can testing in a relationship ever be positive?

Testing in a relationship can be misconstrued as a form of communication or understanding one’s partner better. 

However, these ‘tests’ can often lead to misunderstandings, feelings of insecurity, and can erode trust in a relationship. Instead of resorting to tests, partners should strive for open and direct communication.

While it’s normal to observe a partner’s behavior and reactions in different situations as part of getting to know them, purposefully creating scenarios to ‘test’ them is not healthy or fair. 

It’s crucial to remember that a strong, meaningful relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, understanding, and open communication, not tests.

Do guys test you by ignoring?

Yes, some guys may resort to ignoring as a form of testing in a relationship. 

This behavior, often referred to as “the silent treatment,” can be a way to observe your reaction, see how much you care, or establish a power dynamic. 

For example, he might ignore your messages or calls, avoid spending time with you, or seem emotionally distant.

While it might be seen as a test by the guy, it’s essential to understand that this behavior is not a healthy or respectful way to communicate in a relationship. It can cause feelings of confusion, anxiety, and insecurity. 

Instead of resorting to ignoring or the silent treatment, open and honest communication should be the norm in a relationship.

Why do guys test a girl?

There could be several reasons why a guy tests a girl. 

Some may do so to gauge her reaction in different situations, determine the extent of her feelings, or ascertain how she handles conflict or stress. 

Others may test as a means to assert control or establish an upper hand in the relationship.

However, it’s crucial to note that testing a partner in a relationship is not a healthy behavior. It can lead to misunderstandings, create insecurity, and can erode trust and respect in the relationship. 

In a healthy relationship, partners should openly communicate their feelings, expectations, and insecurities, rather than resorting to mind games or tests.

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Destiny Femi

Destiny Femi is a dating coach whose work has helped transform the love lives of countless people. With a writing style that is both insightful and relatable, Destiny has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of readers who turn to him for advice on everything from finding the perfect partner to maintaining a healthy relationship. Through his articles he has inspired people around the world to become more confident, authentic, and successful in their dating life.

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